(no subject)
Allright, so yesterday I went to Borders with Alex, blah blah blah. I was killing crickets because they are gross, and should just go die themselves. But, since they don't, everyone is just lucky to have me around to kill them.
Last night I was really upset about things. I honestly can't find a way to explain what it is that upsets me.. I think it's just me growing up. I don't want to grow up. I'm only 15, but I'm thinking about things that are way down the line, and I shouldn't be. A few days ago in English class is when it started. I was talking to Courtney and then I, for no reason at all, pictured Courtney as an adult, and I was like, whoa, she's going to grow up. Then I was like, shit she's going to die. Everyone's going to grow up and die! I don't want anything to change. When I'm 30 years old, I want to know the same people, I want to go out and have fun with everyone I know now. I don't want to go to college and get married and have babies. I really wish I could explain this to you all. I just don't want everything that I think is so important right now, like music and things like that to just get burried in the dust when I grow up. I want people to still know about things that I know about, but I know that's not going to happen. I just kind of think about things and then I'm like,"oh.. that doesn't sound like such a big problem. In a few years it won't even matter what shoes I'm wearing with that top.." I don't want people to move away and get jobs and have families. I want everyone to stay where they are. I don't want to lose the things that I have right now because I know that I really don't appreciate what I have, and when I don't have it, I'm going to wish I did.
God.
Last night I was really upset about things. I honestly can't find a way to explain what it is that upsets me.. I think it's just me growing up. I don't want to grow up. I'm only 15, but I'm thinking about things that are way down the line, and I shouldn't be. A few days ago in English class is when it started. I was talking to Courtney and then I, for no reason at all, pictured Courtney as an adult, and I was like, whoa, she's going to grow up. Then I was like, shit she's going to die. Everyone's going to grow up and die! I don't want anything to change. When I'm 30 years old, I want to know the same people, I want to go out and have fun with everyone I know now. I don't want to go to college and get married and have babies. I really wish I could explain this to you all. I just don't want everything that I think is so important right now, like music and things like that to just get burried in the dust when I grow up. I want people to still know about things that I know about, but I know that's not going to happen. I just kind of think about things and then I'm like,"oh.. that doesn't sound like such a big problem. In a few years it won't even matter what shoes I'm wearing with that top.." I don't want people to move away and get jobs and have families. I want everyone to stay where they are. I don't want to lose the things that I have right now because I know that I really don't appreciate what I have, and when I don't have it, I'm going to wish I did.
God.