Happenings
IH-double S-A was ok. Our ensemble got a two, but I fucked up and forgot some lines. I feel like shit that I did that. I know Sarah blames me. I know I shouldn't care what she thinks, but just to let you know in case you haven't read any of my previous entries about her I regard her as my queen. Don't ask me why, but I do. Erika apparently reprimanded Sarah. I have a good idea that it was about me, and how Sarah was pissed at me. I never observed any of Sarah's frustrations after the scene as I left soon after to scamper off with Mag and Meg. I wanted to just cry though. Plus, I failed my driver's test AGAIN!
Then my parents say that it's probably for the best since I won't be able to drive my own car or theirs. I can't stand their position on this. Sometimes it's times like these that I wish I had better parents if that possible. I probably do have like some of the best, but I feel like they aren't proud of me sometimes. They keep on urging me to get a job, by giving me applications, and making me fill them out. My dad's given me three so far. One for Hy-Vee, another for some lumber company as a cashier, and the last to Wendy's. My mom's made me fill out an application to Chuck 'E Cheese, and she said that I didn't have to do it, but her tone made it sound like she'd be disappointed in me if I didn't fill it out and at least try. She says, "At least it's a job."
The "lock-in" was fun, but again I picked up on some animosity Sarah had towards me. I remember a time when we were close. She still owes me a lunch. But she said after a while of being there, "So are you going to read the script you said I should bring. What are you doing here? Why are you here?" I think that she was joking and I played it off as that, but I know that it had to come from somewhere. We played the M&M game, and one of my secrets that I said was that I sometimes (always) dissect compliments I get to discern if they're true or not. I can't think of any that have really stuck. Sarah at least was kind and asked me what I meant and I said I'd tell her later. I am glad beyond any happiness I've ever experienced, that Meghan told a secret of hers and I heard it. I feel jealous though because everyone else there heard it as well. I want her to open up to me like that.
Erika said that Dan missed some lines according to the script as well, but then Sarah countered that they were lines we were used to him skipping. It's things like that where I want to just cry. I want to cry to Meghan. I want to cry for her. Or rather in front of her. You know, give her the unique opportunity to see me cry. I've only cried in front of one person and that was Merry Off. I miss her. I'm glad that I have new friends though.
I'm waiting for Abby, Riaz, and John to come and pick me up. My stomach hurt so I had a beer. I feel like my dad is supporting my drinking w/o saying anything as he usually stocks up the fridge in the garage. He even set down some ground rules for me like 6 months ago.
I've got a confession: Meghan was walking around in boxers that said, "NO" all over them and a shirt, but I kept looking at her legs and thinking how much I wanted to be close to them. Inspect them with all my senses. To have them around me. NO I was not thinking about doing her or anything. Just her legs. They're here. Later!