realization
I had a rather pointless day at uni today, really one of the units im taking is a waste of time, ive studied it prior to taking it, but its a core unit and i have no chioce but to stick to it.
Didnt stay that long at uni actually, my best buddy was supposed to have tutorial that afternoon, but we ditched it and went and had coffee and hung out all afternoon. We had the weirdest conversation though, we talked and dicussed baby names, we both young, but it was really weird talking about it, we must of been really bored. To top the day off, firstly in the morning driving to uni, we got trailed by this guy, it was hilerous, then going to the cafe' we kinda played cat and mouse with these other two guys who were driving a BMW (my friend absolutely loves BMW), but the best situation that happened is when we thought the "mafia" was after us, these big guys, dressed, acted, and had accessories such as big gold chains and mobiles phones that we kept talking on continously. yeah its stereotypical but come we were sooo bored we had to make a story up.
Tonight i realized something, that i have known for awhile, but somehow, think i was in denial. One of my aunties, the oldest one, is extremely abusive. Now not in a physically or sexual way, just emotional. The things she says, i really cant stop thinking about it. I dont think she means it but the funny thing is, that she only seems to do it with me, it used to happen with my sister but she got married and my aunty doesnt dare speak to her the way she talks to me. its really unnerving, because tonight, she had my father and i, plus a couple of my uncles and their family over for dinner. She just throwing insult after insult at me, subtly, but ovious.she didnt do it to my other cousin who were extremely rude to her, just me. and it got to me. and for a second, i actually had a murderous thought. not that i woulld do it, but it jsut makes you think how much that sort of thing damages your mentality. This has been going on now for as long as i remember, when i was at least 8 is the first time i remember being insulted and treated wrongly, im now 20 and its still going. my dad sees it, so does everyone in my family, but they jsut all want to keep the peace. they all experience her abuse at one stage of their lives, and now just learn to live with it. I dont think i can.........
Didnt stay that long at uni actually, my best buddy was supposed to have tutorial that afternoon, but we ditched it and went and had coffee and hung out all afternoon. We had the weirdest conversation though, we talked and dicussed baby names, we both young, but it was really weird talking about it, we must of been really bored. To top the day off, firstly in the morning driving to uni, we got trailed by this guy, it was hilerous, then going to the cafe' we kinda played cat and mouse with these other two guys who were driving a BMW (my friend absolutely loves BMW), but the best situation that happened is when we thought the "mafia" was after us, these big guys, dressed, acted, and had accessories such as big gold chains and mobiles phones that we kept talking on continously. yeah its stereotypical but come we were sooo bored we had to make a story up.
Tonight i realized something, that i have known for awhile, but somehow, think i was in denial. One of my aunties, the oldest one, is extremely abusive. Now not in a physically or sexual way, just emotional. The things she says, i really cant stop thinking about it. I dont think she means it but the funny thing is, that she only seems to do it with me, it used to happen with my sister but she got married and my aunty doesnt dare speak to her the way she talks to me. its really unnerving, because tonight, she had my father and i, plus a couple of my uncles and their family over for dinner. She just throwing insult after insult at me, subtly, but ovious.she didnt do it to my other cousin who were extremely rude to her, just me. and it got to me. and for a second, i actually had a murderous thought. not that i woulld do it, but it jsut makes you think how much that sort of thing damages your mentality. This has been going on now for as long as i remember, when i was at least 8 is the first time i remember being insulted and treated wrongly, im now 20 and its still going. my dad sees it, so does everyone in my family, but they jsut all want to keep the peace. they all experience her abuse at one stage of their lives, and now just learn to live with it. I dont think i can.........