Late holiday wishes.........
Hello everyone,
I hope you all had a very good christmas and that every one of you got all that you wanted and some!
I have missed everyone on here very much, thanks to those of you who sent me christmas cards and text messages! ::hugs::
Things have been going ok for me, I am so thankful that I got to spend time with my family, we are all still going through such a rough time, but there surely is some light at the end of the tunnel. That is one of the reasons I have avoided being on here, due to a major depression that hit me. I have come to realize there are some things about me that need to change or else I am just heading for my grave, I thought a whole lot about suicide this holiday season, I came close to plotting it out even. I know I should have reached out to someone but I didn't want everyone to think I was bitchy or a grinch by posting nothing but sour posts during a time that most people are happy about. I am sorry if this is a startling thing for most of you. I said and did some really harsh and cruel things to some people I love and I can't ever take that back, apologies were said, but I still feel like it will never be enough to take back all that anger I unleashed. I have found that I have a problem with bottling up things until the bottle is overstuffed and explodes and the things that come out seem to cut deep like shrapnel. I get frustrated and I know now that I need to learn to express my feelings, rather than suck it up and let the bomb explode. I don't want to end up like my father, he scarred us for life with his anger and cruelty. Sure I can be blunt and go off on someone that is a perfect stranger or not someone that is not close to me, but when it comes to family I am always just afraid of causing a confrontation, or coming off as mean and cruel, but then I just end up hurting them even more by holding it in and then letting it all out at once. I hope I can fix this problem over time and not let things like this happen.
love everyone, JORDAN