(no subject)
Hey f-list. I'm writing on my phone because I'm at Tom's and I didn't bring my computer, so I apologize in advance for any typos.
Most of my stay here has been good so far. We spent at day walking around London and then went to Tom's place in Oxford. Yesterday was spent resting and enjoying that both of us had a bit of vacation. I'm hoping that me taking this week off doesn't affect my thesis, but I don't think it will.
I got some bad news that made me a bit depressed yesterday. Apparently mum has been to the hospital again. Something about a neighbor complaining of bad smell (smoke) in the hallway and that set her off somehow. I guess it worries me because I know how bad she gets when she's really sick and how unstable she is. Who ends up in a hospital over something as ridiculous as a complaint? Normal people would feel indignant and maybe a bit sad but move on..
It just feels like shit like this is always going to happen, the difference is that mum might end up killing herself over it. Parts of me is even annoyed because I always have to be the strong one in our relationship. and whatever help I give is just never going to be enough. Luckily she's got a lot of other people around her... It just depresses me sometimes that it will always be me being there for her but not her being there for me. And the entire thing got me thinking about the future, about how if she doesn't die by doing something actively she will from all the cigarettes, alcohol and unhealthy food. How soon I don't know, but it will probably be sooner rather than later.
Oh well enough sulking. Hope everyone is doing alright.
Most of my stay here has been good so far. We spent at day walking around London and then went to Tom's place in Oxford. Yesterday was spent resting and enjoying that both of us had a bit of vacation. I'm hoping that me taking this week off doesn't affect my thesis, but I don't think it will.
I got some bad news that made me a bit depressed yesterday. Apparently mum has been to the hospital again. Something about a neighbor complaining of bad smell (smoke) in the hallway and that set her off somehow. I guess it worries me because I know how bad she gets when she's really sick and how unstable she is. Who ends up in a hospital over something as ridiculous as a complaint? Normal people would feel indignant and maybe a bit sad but move on..
It just feels like shit like this is always going to happen, the difference is that mum might end up killing herself over it. Parts of me is even annoyed because I always have to be the strong one in our relationship. and whatever help I give is just never going to be enough. Luckily she's got a lot of other people around her... It just depresses me sometimes that it will always be me being there for her but not her being there for me. And the entire thing got me thinking about the future, about how if she doesn't die by doing something actively she will from all the cigarettes, alcohol and unhealthy food. How soon I don't know, but it will probably be sooner rather than later.
Oh well enough sulking. Hope everyone is doing alright.