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Ah. Ahhahaaha. This is being written on my brand new laptop for William and Mary (it even has the WM cool crest thing as a wallpaper now). Never mind the fact that I haven't bothered to hook it up to the Internet yet, or even put MS Office on it (we ordered that separately and it still hasn't come). But my widdle compruter represents the first part of the whole world that I'm really excited that I'm about to enter.
Not that I haven't been somewhat emotional about graduating and such. I definitely got a little sniffly when the orchestra was playing 'America' (and sorta regretted not deciding to play with them. But bringing a cello...? Inconvenient, to say the least). I had planned for four years to listen to the amount of applause I got when my name was called, or whether they had mispronounced it or not (that's kinda hard to do, but you never know...), or hear that chord the orchestra does for its members. Did I notice any of that? Nope. I went totally blank. A few steps after I got the diploma, I awoke to Jamin yelling at me and saying something or another totally ridiculous from his snazzy student speaker spot in front. Ah, Jamin, how I shall miss you. Ah, everybody else who interacted with me at any time ever in the last four years, how I shall miss you. Each individual has meant untold amounts of emotional units to me, whether I happened to gush about it in your yearbook or not.
Oooh, that brings me around to yearbooks. I've been pretty bad about collecting signatures from friends this year--which I swear is only related to my laziness, not to how much I hate people ;) ...I'll try to bring along my yearbook to some events this summer, but I've been somewhat less uptight this year about getting everybody to sign. My memory is still good enough to remember all the countless fun times and the amazing people I've known, and I don't need a signature to, I dunno, validate the relationship. "MY SIGNATURE IN THIS BOOK AUTHORIZES YOU TO MENTION ME AS A FRIEND AND TO DWELL FONDLY ON THE GOOD TIMES. APPEARANCE AT 30 YEAR REUNION IS MANDATORY IF UPGRADING TO THE NOSTALGIC STORIES TO GRANDCHILDREN" PACKAGE. SIGNED [insert name here]." Even so, I'm still gonna do a certain amount of tracking people down for signatures this summer. Be warned...
Only music has managed to evoke any kind of emotion out of me recently. That Better than Ezra song (Lifetime) definitely made me very careful as I was driving around on Saturday (and guys, do NOT steal my ashes and take them to the beach if I die. I would much prefer a nice park somewhere, if you must). Any other song, listened anywhere with anybody or commented on at anytime makes me at least stop and think. Oh, and an article I read on long distance relationships gave me an unexpected punch in the stomach when I realized I might actually need to pay attention to the advice in the near future.
Has it been good? Stellar
Will I miss it? Sure
Do I have regrets? Plenty
Does it matter? Not really (the regrets). Maybe?
Am I really looking forward to the next four years? Hell yeah
I have a feeling that college is going to bring out more of the me. Not that I'm necessarily too much of, say, my mom, or Steve, or whoever's catchphrase I happen to be overusing at the moment already, but the certain amount of separation from my mom and Steve and Mr Catchphrase might allow new sides of me to emerge and allow me to deeply appreciate my mom and Steve and Mr Catchphrase much more for who they are when I'm not trying to copy them. I have Big Plans to turn over a new leaf as a tidyorganized roommate since my room is driving me nuts right now. I can deal with mess when I have a whole house that I turn to for a tidy refuge, but having to live with my overwhelming STUFF and force it on my roommate scares me a little. Remind me of my plans in a few months, please.
Duuuude my computer has pinball to fill this massive void in my life (aka, being alone with only my laptop while I'm waiting for the cleaning service to arrive at the place I'm babysitting. The boys are awayyy at soccer camp for most of the day). Also to fill this void I shall list things that relax me--to copy the rest of the LJ world. Unlike the rest of the LJ world, I shall try to keep it short.
-Writing. Strange as it seems, since I rarely update LJ and the journal I have in my room and English assignments are a pain and I'm not that great at in the first place. But just spilling my guts to a something is very theraputic. Oh, and I love writing long emails. Email me and be staggered by the insane response that you get.
-Being in the bathroom. I love having a space, however small, where nobody is allowed to bother me (however briefly I'm in there). When I was little I used to bring books in there and spend forever. I'm really going to miss not having one room be a bathroom when I'm in college. Public bathrooms bother me.
-Washing dishes. By hand. Unbelievably theraputic, I dunno why. I don't do it very often at home any more (I'm usually out), but while babysitting here I've taken to loading and unloading the diswasher a lot and scrubbing dishes and stuff--even though they've told me I don't have to worry about it. Today's the first day for a while that I'm not gonna do dishes (oh, rebel me), and it feels a little empty.
-Dancing. And singing. It takes a loooong time for me to forget about my inhibitions and how dumb I look and how bad the music is, but when I finally get moving things (like how dumb I look and whether I'll have time to study for suchandsuch test) get forgotten and I love life. That's idiotically cliche and not very descriptive, but I guess it's a tribute to the fact that when I dance, I'm not thinking of ways to describe how I feel.
-Extended hugs. Talking to someone (usually my parents or Steve, but can be other friends too. I'm not particularly squeamish and I don't read into physical contact much) while touching them or resting on their shoulder or something boosts my mood amazingly.
That's all I can think of for my list for now. But people are probably sick of reading this entry anyway. But tough for you--the cleaning service still isn't here and I'm still bored and I shall write on.
Is anybody else superexcited about Harry Potter coming out so soon? Harry has been an integral part of my middleschool/highschool experience, and it's scary to think that I've graduated before he has (if he ever makes it, poor guy). I've never been one to look at fansites and rumors and even fanfiction, but I've even been looking at that lately (i've looked at a couple stories... I found a reputable site that doesn't have any of the "and then Harry looked into my eyes dreamilly and professed his ever undying love and I was like 'OMG but what do I do this is a problem because Draco is so hot too and his best friend's sister's friend told me that he wanted me to help with potions'" type. Even with some of the rather good writing I've seen, I think that I'll stick to JKRowling's version).
That vaguely reminds me--I've been doing a lot of reading here during the times that the boys are allowed to be occupied by the computer. Can anybody recommend good books that don't require 100% concentration to really get into? I can't really focus on like, Dickens while I'm keeping one ear open for ten year olds electrocuting themselves or looking at porn. Thankfully neither of the above has happened yet.
Even though I still have lots of time left to kill, I think I'll stop writing this particular entry. It's getting long to the point of painfulness, and I don't want to put anyone through extra undue agony. Congrats to the few who actually read all the way to here. I salute you.