(no subject)
nasty. aaah i feel bad, like i'm a failure or something. but then sometimes i don't feel bad at all, and i feel relieved. i'm pretty sure that i got exactly what i wanted out of things, and right now i'm getting everything i asked for, but it doesn't seem fair because i don't feel like i deserve things perfectly the way i want them, and i feel like all i can do is hurt a bunch of people who don't deserve it. but before it changes i'm going to soak it up...
the other night i accidentally went on a date. i didn't even know it was until halfway through. but that's exactly what i wanted: to date a lot of people, and to not settle down. i'm not planning to hook up with a lot of people, don't get me wrong. i just don't ever want to get serious with anyone again, because i'm not mature enough, but i am mature enough to realize it's NOT for me and i don't want it...because i was looking for reasons to get out, you know? and then i felt so mean afterwards, and i wanted to get back in to fix it, but i just want space too. if i give it space it'll fix itself, and we'll become friends later on, and that'll be just what i wanted too. i know that things will work out for me. i just know it.
the other night i accidentally went on a date. i didn't even know it was until halfway through. but that's exactly what i wanted: to date a lot of people, and to not settle down. i'm not planning to hook up with a lot of people, don't get me wrong. i just don't ever want to get serious with anyone again, because i'm not mature enough, but i am mature enough to realize it's NOT for me and i don't want it...because i was looking for reasons to get out, you know? and then i felt so mean afterwards, and i wanted to get back in to fix it, but i just want space too. if i give it space it'll fix itself, and we'll become friends later on, and that'll be just what i wanted too. i know that things will work out for me. i just know it.