9 Reasons to Become an Evil Villain

Feb 26, 2007 16:55

1. You will have more friends ( Read more... )

Leave a comment

wryanc February 27 2007, 16:20:48 UTC
9 Reasons Not To Be A Villain:

1: You'll have no friends.
No one likes being around someone who is going to berate them, condescend to them or possibly mutilate and kill them. You are going to be lonely, and it's going to be all someone else's fault. Your best bet is to have a hot assistant, but even she'll betray you for the hero at the drop of a hat.

2: You'll spend some time in jail.
You can't escape the long arm of the law forever, and while you already have a cunning escape plan, in the meanwhile, you'll have to watch out for your cornhole.

3: Prison rape.
Already mentioned above, but bears repeating.

4: Mary Jane Watson never steals Peter Parker's wallet.
Nor does she repeatedly betray him, sleep with his more powerful teammates. She also gets along great with his aunt and supports him with her modeling career. Any woman you find is likely to be an ex-stripper or hooker, with all the accompanying problems.

5: Everyone wants you dead.
Your teammates probably don't like you, your family has disowned you and if you picked your archnemesis poorly, he wants you dead too.

6: You can't be nice.
Even if you're not feeling like laughing maniacally and kicking puppies, people will think the worst of you. You try helping an old lady across the street, and she screams and hits you with her purse. If you try to go straight, people won't believe you and you will inevitably fall into a life of crime again.

7: You are a prisoner in your secret volcano headquarters.
Being wanted by the police and most major heroes, you can't ever go to a bar or see a movie. Meeting women is difficult.

8: You end up getting your ass kicked.
You will always lose. Even if you kick the crap out of the hero twice, the third time, he'll embarrass you in front of everyone. If you judgment is poor, you'll eventually get the crap kicked out of you by D-List heroes. For God's sake, Dr. Doom has lost fights to Moon Knight! And it wasn't even a full moon! The best you can hope for is an equal number of wins to losses.

9: Nothing ever works out for you.
Congratulations, you are the bad guy. This means you will always lose. Nothing you do will ever work out. All your goals will remain unfulfilled. You will never be victorious. No wonder you're such an asshole.

Reply


Leave a comment

Up