updates from the week of hell
so thursday i pick up my car from krieger and it's perfect. i was so glad to have my car back i almost peed myself. so me and danielle go on a two day spree of happiness because with a car that perfect it's called for. so saturday we go to easton. (which i will never do agian in life it was the worst time ever so lets just start with that and finish this story in a few moments:
first of all there are too many people there on saturday. walking around all of them is a hassle and the second me and devi get in there we are going to puke and kill someone. it makes me a little happier when i see a man passing out free smoothie samples with whipped creme on the top. so me and devi take one and are blasted away by the goody goodiness of it all. so im like "hey dude i might want to get that later that's real good maybe they have something like that at SMOOTHIE PLANET (holla)! so she agrees and i go over and ask this chick what it was. so guess what her smart ass says. "i don't know" all rude. so im like "well it had peaches in it" and she just lookes at me like the whore she is. so im like "OKAY WHAT HAS PEACHES IN IT ON THE MENU?" by now im pissed. she gets real snotty (in that way too into the fact that your black way) and say "I DON'T KNOW PEACH PARADISE" i didn't say anything an walked away. only for the simple fact that something so good got turned into such a damn hassle and at this point with my horrible weeks i wasn't a bit surprised. but what i should have said was:
"KISS MY ASS I LIKED IT BITCH, AND DON'T GET THAT FUCKIN ATTITUDE WITH ME YOU FAT ASS WHORE FIND ANOTHER JOB IF YOU WANNA BE PISSED...LIKE A PISSING STRIPPER!....AND KISS MY ASS!"
anyway back to the rest of the horrible day. so we go into hot topic and get some new sexy things (for chad) which wasen't too bad sept this stupid new guy working. then we went to forever XXI cause i saw this army shirt i wanted. i swear we stayed there for a half hour in the line but it wasn't too bad.
now this is where it gets a little kung fu hustle bizzare on us. so we go into max and erma's to eat. (thanks to devi i got some money for that) and this first waitress comes up and i don't know what the hell her name was but she was like: "HI WELCOME TO MAX AND ERMA'S IM GOING TO BE YOUR WAITRESS TODAY MY NAME IS "WHATEVER" HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO MAX AND ERMA'S BEFORE (we don't get a chance to answer) WELL LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT SOME OF OUR SPEACIALS OUR COOKIES ARE "SO MUCH" FOR "SO MANY" AND WE HAVE A LOVELY SHRIMP DISH (starts unfolding both me and danielle's menu's and is having trouble so just unfold's devi's) THAT IS PICTURED RIGHT HERE WHICH I DON'T KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT CAUSE THE JUST CHANGED IT ON ME! DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK? (we say: beetlejuices) OKAY WELL ILL BE BACK WITH THAT IN JUST A MINUTE SO YOU GUYS LOOK OVER THE MENU" (finally takes a fucking breath) damn it i was getting sick by that time and thought maybe i didn't even want to eat. i was going to vomit from watching her.
so then somehow our waiter's switch and this other guy comes over like "HI IM PETE AND WELCOME TO MAX AND ERMA'S WE HAD TO SWITCH HAHAH...CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER." (we say: yeah we'll have the kids cheeseburger) "WELL IF YOU NEED ANYTHING YELL PETE FROM THE DIAPHRAME!" all i have to say is WTF! we started cracking up and the whole time we were sitting there we kept saying...PETE FROM THE DIAPHRAME! what the hell man. well at least it made our day better.
untill i got to my grandma's that is and find out that while i was parked some ass hole took a sharp turn and ruined my new fixed fucking car. (this is going back to paragraph fucking one.) so there are like two scratches now that need to be taken out. who knows how the fuck much that is going to cost.
okay so now it's today and im thinking maybe this day is going to be a little better. NOT! so i go to ciara's thing today (the thing dosen't matter so we won't focus on it) but we decide to go see kung fu hustle together. so i worked till close so we had to go at like 9:45. we get our tickets and go up and sit in front of the theater until the movie that's playing in there starts. so there is the preppy ass whore with his collar up sitting on the bench and his dumb whore girlfriend making out down the hall. so of course me and my sis are like "that's fucking gross" but we just mind our own and sit there. so these other peeps come out of the theater and it's another whore and her boyfriend. they know each other so both the girls go off and both the guys go off.
okay so about two minutes later my sister has to take a piss and i realize. OH i do too. so we go to the bathroom. well the girls are in there doing there makeup. i don't think anything of it but i never take my drink into the stall if there isn't a lid on it. so i set it on the counter (stupid maybe...but it's a free fucking country) and i go across the hall to a stall where i can look through the cracks and see my drink thinking they might do something stupid but then thinking noooooooooooo they can't be that fucking gay.
well i guess i was wrong about that too cause next thing you know bitch number one is spitting in my fucking drink. so i don't say anything i go out of the stall pants unbuttoned and out of the bathrooms carrieing the drink. so they are running around like stupid asses laughing and shit and i let them be real dumb for a couple seconds and im like "HEY, I SAW YOU FUCKING SPIT IN MY DRINK!" so what the hell does the bitch say that spit in my drink? "no i didn't?"
now lets stop and think about what's happened to me these hell weeks:
i get in a fight with my manager and call her a bitch
i get a warning
i get demoted
i quit
guy crashes into my car
guy bites my dad
guy accuses my dad of stealing his wallet
i have to pay $100 in deductable
i have to drive a sucky ass rental
i fucking go to easton on saturday
some bitch wants to get smart
my car gets fucked up again in the garage
i want a cameleon but i can't afford it at this point
some random bitch spits in my drink
14 FUCKING STRIKES YOUR OUT
i didn't fucking do it she says, so i stand there just staring at them for awhile debating if i should take out all fourteen of my fucking problems on her jaw that is fucking lieing to me. so i give her another chance "I FUCKING SAW YOUR BRIGHT ASS FUCKING SHIRT I THINK I KNOW WHAT THE HELL IM TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING SPIT IN MY DRINK DO YOU WANNA TRY A DIFFRENT ANSWER." i didn't spit in your drink she says AGAIN! so at this point im thinking okay there boyfriends don't have facial hair which tells me that i shouldn't kick there ass BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF HER BITCH ASS WAS 18 I WOULD HAVE KICKED HER ASS RIGHT THERE FOR LIEING TO ME TWICE! okay so im like..."this smoothie was five FUCKING DOLLARS who the fuck is paying for her (points to the bitch who spit in it.) fucking dumb ass." so once again i hear "i didn't...." so i stop here right there and point in her face and say "WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY IS YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T DO IT AND IF YOU LIE TO ME ONE MORE FUCKING TIME IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS NOW WHO....THE....FUCK....IS PAYING FOR MY SMOOTHIE" so this girl pulls out two bucks and hands it too me...and i say "you know what don't do that shit again that's fucked up" i walk away "OH AND BY THE WAY I SAID FIVE BUCKS YOU BITCH TWO WON'T BE ENOUGH (throws the drink at her)"
meanwhile there boyfriends are standing there like a jackass and they go into the movie. so i go up to the concession stand and say "i need some wet paper towels cause i just threw a drink at some bitch who spit in it and i need to clean it up" which by the way i only did so that when i got the cop invovled and they said i threw it they would look like dumb asses. so i clean it up. and i get the cop.
anyway while the cop is being a bitch i tell him "LOOK DON'T TELL ME NOT TO CUSS CAUSE IF YOUR DRINK GOT SPIT IN YOU'D BE PISSED TOO." so finally he shuts the hell up and kicks them out. he said i could press charges but fuck that shit i hope there momma kicks there ass i have better things to do. anyway me and my sis got two free movie passes and a free pop and popcorn from it so what the hell ever.
other than that let me name the good things:
got the new job a game crazy
have been doing good on my tests.
things ive decided to start doing:
double park (cause fuck every other driver)
call my car the biter (and it's a girl by the way)
and when people don't agree with me say "kiss my ass i fucking like it"
thank you and good night. DAMN IT!
first of all there are too many people there on saturday. walking around all of them is a hassle and the second me and devi get in there we are going to puke and kill someone. it makes me a little happier when i see a man passing out free smoothie samples with whipped creme on the top. so me and devi take one and are blasted away by the goody goodiness of it all. so im like "hey dude i might want to get that later that's real good maybe they have something like that at SMOOTHIE PLANET (holla)! so she agrees and i go over and ask this chick what it was. so guess what her smart ass says. "i don't know" all rude. so im like "well it had peaches in it" and she just lookes at me like the whore she is. so im like "OKAY WHAT HAS PEACHES IN IT ON THE MENU?" by now im pissed. she gets real snotty (in that way too into the fact that your black way) and say "I DON'T KNOW PEACH PARADISE" i didn't say anything an walked away. only for the simple fact that something so good got turned into such a damn hassle and at this point with my horrible weeks i wasn't a bit surprised. but what i should have said was:
"KISS MY ASS I LIKED IT BITCH, AND DON'T GET THAT FUCKIN ATTITUDE WITH ME YOU FAT ASS WHORE FIND ANOTHER JOB IF YOU WANNA BE PISSED...LIKE A PISSING STRIPPER!....AND KISS MY ASS!"
anyway back to the rest of the horrible day. so we go into hot topic and get some new sexy things (for chad) which wasen't too bad sept this stupid new guy working. then we went to forever XXI cause i saw this army shirt i wanted. i swear we stayed there for a half hour in the line but it wasn't too bad.
now this is where it gets a little kung fu hustle bizzare on us. so we go into max and erma's to eat. (thanks to devi i got some money for that) and this first waitress comes up and i don't know what the hell her name was but she was like: "HI WELCOME TO MAX AND ERMA'S IM GOING TO BE YOUR WAITRESS TODAY MY NAME IS "WHATEVER" HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO MAX AND ERMA'S BEFORE (we don't get a chance to answer) WELL LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT SOME OF OUR SPEACIALS OUR COOKIES ARE "SO MUCH" FOR "SO MANY" AND WE HAVE A LOVELY SHRIMP DISH (starts unfolding both me and danielle's menu's and is having trouble so just unfold's devi's) THAT IS PICTURED RIGHT HERE WHICH I DON'T KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT CAUSE THE JUST CHANGED IT ON ME! DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK? (we say: beetlejuices) OKAY WELL ILL BE BACK WITH THAT IN JUST A MINUTE SO YOU GUYS LOOK OVER THE MENU" (finally takes a fucking breath) damn it i was getting sick by that time and thought maybe i didn't even want to eat. i was going to vomit from watching her.
so then somehow our waiter's switch and this other guy comes over like "HI IM PETE AND WELCOME TO MAX AND ERMA'S WE HAD TO SWITCH HAHAH...CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER." (we say: yeah we'll have the kids cheeseburger) "WELL IF YOU NEED ANYTHING YELL PETE FROM THE DIAPHRAME!" all i have to say is WTF! we started cracking up and the whole time we were sitting there we kept saying...PETE FROM THE DIAPHRAME! what the hell man. well at least it made our day better.
untill i got to my grandma's that is and find out that while i was parked some ass hole took a sharp turn and ruined my new fixed fucking car. (this is going back to paragraph fucking one.) so there are like two scratches now that need to be taken out. who knows how the fuck much that is going to cost.
okay so now it's today and im thinking maybe this day is going to be a little better. NOT! so i go to ciara's thing today (the thing dosen't matter so we won't focus on it) but we decide to go see kung fu hustle together. so i worked till close so we had to go at like 9:45. we get our tickets and go up and sit in front of the theater until the movie that's playing in there starts. so there is the preppy ass whore with his collar up sitting on the bench and his dumb whore girlfriend making out down the hall. so of course me and my sis are like "that's fucking gross" but we just mind our own and sit there. so these other peeps come out of the theater and it's another whore and her boyfriend. they know each other so both the girls go off and both the guys go off.
okay so about two minutes later my sister has to take a piss and i realize. OH i do too. so we go to the bathroom. well the girls are in there doing there makeup. i don't think anything of it but i never take my drink into the stall if there isn't a lid on it. so i set it on the counter (stupid maybe...but it's a free fucking country) and i go across the hall to a stall where i can look through the cracks and see my drink thinking they might do something stupid but then thinking noooooooooooo they can't be that fucking gay.
well i guess i was wrong about that too cause next thing you know bitch number one is spitting in my fucking drink. so i don't say anything i go out of the stall pants unbuttoned and out of the bathrooms carrieing the drink. so they are running around like stupid asses laughing and shit and i let them be real dumb for a couple seconds and im like "HEY, I SAW YOU FUCKING SPIT IN MY DRINK!" so what the hell does the bitch say that spit in my drink? "no i didn't?"
now lets stop and think about what's happened to me these hell weeks:
i get in a fight with my manager and call her a bitch
i get a warning
i get demoted
i quit
guy crashes into my car
guy bites my dad
guy accuses my dad of stealing his wallet
i have to pay $100 in deductable
i have to drive a sucky ass rental
i fucking go to easton on saturday
some bitch wants to get smart
my car gets fucked up again in the garage
i want a cameleon but i can't afford it at this point
some random bitch spits in my drink
14 FUCKING STRIKES YOUR OUT
i didn't fucking do it she says, so i stand there just staring at them for awhile debating if i should take out all fourteen of my fucking problems on her jaw that is fucking lieing to me. so i give her another chance "I FUCKING SAW YOUR BRIGHT ASS FUCKING SHIRT I THINK I KNOW WHAT THE HELL IM TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING SPIT IN MY DRINK DO YOU WANNA TRY A DIFFRENT ANSWER." i didn't spit in your drink she says AGAIN! so at this point im thinking okay there boyfriends don't have facial hair which tells me that i shouldn't kick there ass BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF HER BITCH ASS WAS 18 I WOULD HAVE KICKED HER ASS RIGHT THERE FOR LIEING TO ME TWICE! okay so im like..."this smoothie was five FUCKING DOLLARS who the fuck is paying for her (points to the bitch who spit in it.) fucking dumb ass." so once again i hear "i didn't...." so i stop here right there and point in her face and say "WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY IS YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T DO IT AND IF YOU LIE TO ME ONE MORE FUCKING TIME IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS NOW WHO....THE....FUCK....IS PAYING FOR MY SMOOTHIE" so this girl pulls out two bucks and hands it too me...and i say "you know what don't do that shit again that's fucked up" i walk away "OH AND BY THE WAY I SAID FIVE BUCKS YOU BITCH TWO WON'T BE ENOUGH (throws the drink at her)"
meanwhile there boyfriends are standing there like a jackass and they go into the movie. so i go up to the concession stand and say "i need some wet paper towels cause i just threw a drink at some bitch who spit in it and i need to clean it up" which by the way i only did so that when i got the cop invovled and they said i threw it they would look like dumb asses. so i clean it up. and i get the cop.
anyway while the cop is being a bitch i tell him "LOOK DON'T TELL ME NOT TO CUSS CAUSE IF YOUR DRINK GOT SPIT IN YOU'D BE PISSED TOO." so finally he shuts the hell up and kicks them out. he said i could press charges but fuck that shit i hope there momma kicks there ass i have better things to do. anyway me and my sis got two free movie passes and a free pop and popcorn from it so what the hell ever.
other than that let me name the good things:
got the new job a game crazy
have been doing good on my tests.
things ive decided to start doing:
double park (cause fuck every other driver)
call my car the biter (and it's a girl by the way)
and when people don't agree with me say "kiss my ass i fucking like it"
thank you and good night. DAMN IT!