Relic Hearts
In approximately 45 minutes, I'll be boarding a plane from Salt Lake City, Utah on my way home to Pennsylvania.
I just finished the last day of a month of recording for the new full length album for Relic Hearts. I don't even know what to say. I feel like I'm going to want to look back at this entry in the future and see something profound, but for now I'm just completely creatively drained. My mind is running a million miles an hour, but not producing anything but more things for me to think about and wonder about, and hope for in our future.
I'm proud. This record isn't entirely where it needs to be yet, so I fly back to Salt Lake City again in August to do final takes on lead vocals, but by then, I intend to be so well versed with the entire record, that when I come down again, not only will I crush my vocals, but do a solid justice to the record itself.
I hesitate to say that I would have loved this record as a teenager in high school when going through my angsty years -- worse than that, I could probably look up a few entries that would have suggested I would have loved this record -- but I didn't write this record from 16-year-old me's heart -- I wrote it from my heart now.
I've lived an entirely different life than I ever imagined for myself. I was always so aimless in high school and even in college it just felt like I was running through the motions and just doing whatever interested me. Here I feel like I'm being given a blessing, and all I have to do is reach out and take what's already there for me to receive. We worked really hard on making this record everything it can be, and to further do it justice, I have to disassociate myself from it creatively, and spend a few days detoxing, before jumping back into it with a refreshed mind, and start planning my attack on vocals.
But I couldn't be more excited. I don't even know if anyone is going to hear this aside from the people I know that specifically ask me to listen to it, or that I proudly shove down their throats as humbly as possible out of my shear excitement. But I'm excited, and proud, and I guess I just feel -- accomplished. And it's hard for me to say that, because I've spent the better portion of my life comparing myself to others and saying that what other creative people were doing was better than what I could do, or what this person was doing was better than what I was doing, or that something was meant for someone else, but not for me.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm going out there and getting what I'm worth. I'm pushing myself and accepting my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I'm scared. I'm so excited and open hearted and being so honest with myself that it scares me. I'm uncertain of the future, and I feel like everything is so volatile, and hanging on every single move I make from now until god knows when -- and it's exciting. It's the most positive negative feeling I've ever felt, and I'm beginning to wonder if that's the way it's all supposed to be.
I don't know what the future brings, but it was time that I updated this journal and spoke some of what my mind was thinking, because I don't do that enough (read: I almost constantly forget my password and get locked out for an hour whilst trying to log in and then grow impatient and just don't update it).
"Where do we come from?" is the part that I think I have a firmer grasp on now, more than ever. "Where do we go?" is the great unknown, and I'm hopeful that it's to all the places I've ever wanted to find myself.
I just finished the last day of a month of recording for the new full length album for Relic Hearts. I don't even know what to say. I feel like I'm going to want to look back at this entry in the future and see something profound, but for now I'm just completely creatively drained. My mind is running a million miles an hour, but not producing anything but more things for me to think about and wonder about, and hope for in our future.
I'm proud. This record isn't entirely where it needs to be yet, so I fly back to Salt Lake City again in August to do final takes on lead vocals, but by then, I intend to be so well versed with the entire record, that when I come down again, not only will I crush my vocals, but do a solid justice to the record itself.
I hesitate to say that I would have loved this record as a teenager in high school when going through my angsty years -- worse than that, I could probably look up a few entries that would have suggested I would have loved this record -- but I didn't write this record from 16-year-old me's heart -- I wrote it from my heart now.
I've lived an entirely different life than I ever imagined for myself. I was always so aimless in high school and even in college it just felt like I was running through the motions and just doing whatever interested me. Here I feel like I'm being given a blessing, and all I have to do is reach out and take what's already there for me to receive. We worked really hard on making this record everything it can be, and to further do it justice, I have to disassociate myself from it creatively, and spend a few days detoxing, before jumping back into it with a refreshed mind, and start planning my attack on vocals.
But I couldn't be more excited. I don't even know if anyone is going to hear this aside from the people I know that specifically ask me to listen to it, or that I proudly shove down their throats as humbly as possible out of my shear excitement. But I'm excited, and proud, and I guess I just feel -- accomplished. And it's hard for me to say that, because I've spent the better portion of my life comparing myself to others and saying that what other creative people were doing was better than what I could do, or what this person was doing was better than what I was doing, or that something was meant for someone else, but not for me.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm going out there and getting what I'm worth. I'm pushing myself and accepting my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I'm scared. I'm so excited and open hearted and being so honest with myself that it scares me. I'm uncertain of the future, and I feel like everything is so volatile, and hanging on every single move I make from now until god knows when -- and it's exciting. It's the most positive negative feeling I've ever felt, and I'm beginning to wonder if that's the way it's all supposed to be.
I don't know what the future brings, but it was time that I updated this journal and spoke some of what my mind was thinking, because I don't do that enough (read: I almost constantly forget my password and get locked out for an hour whilst trying to log in and then grow impatient and just don't update it).
"Where do we come from?" is the part that I think I have a firmer grasp on now, more than ever. "Where do we go?" is the great unknown, and I'm hopeful that it's to all the places I've ever wanted to find myself.