Some days...
Thanks once again to my dear friend unrulynarrator for helping me identify what is going on in my head. Knowing is half the battle, after all.
As most (all?) of you know, I have some anxiety issues. I've been going through a fairly long period of having little to no anxiety, but just recently, things have gotten kicked off a bit again. I didn't realize it at first, because the physical symptoms were missing, and I was only experiencing the mental symptoms, which is weird for me. Usually when I feel anxious, I get the adrenaline/jittery/nervous feelings and that's what clues me in to the fact that it's happening.
My guess is that the physical activity of running & stuff is helping to manage the physical symptoms this time around, which is good in a way. But unfortunately, it meant a short period of me not realizing what was going on. Sorry if I seemed extra crazy there for a bit, it's only because I kinda was.
Basically, one of the ways I mitigate my anxiety is through the self-comfort of routine and planning ahead. The more structure I have to my time, the better. Routines that involve people that I'm close with are even more helpful than just my own routines, though. Social things like Trek Night, always having the same plans on the same day of the week, etc. This is one of the things I envy about my rpg playing friends.
It's probably fairly obvious to everyone who knows me that my routines have all gone straight to hell over the last few months. Right now, this disruption is causing me to feel really ungrounded. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding onto my world by the barest skin of my teeth.
I'm working to build up new routines just as quick as I can, but it takes a while for the comforting effect to kick in. So if I seem a little bit more needy when it comes to planning ahead, or sticking to routines, that's why. My Trek Night friends will probably have noticed this by now. Sorry about that!
As I build up more routines, the significance of each individual one will decrease a bit, so one thing being canceled won't send me into a tailspin.
For the moment, all I can do is hang on and ask for your patience while I get my shit together. Many of you have been really helpful with your support and kind words over the last few months. I hope to need less of that in the near future, but for right now, please know that I appreciate you all more than I can actually express.
As most (all?) of you know, I have some anxiety issues. I've been going through a fairly long period of having little to no anxiety, but just recently, things have gotten kicked off a bit again. I didn't realize it at first, because the physical symptoms were missing, and I was only experiencing the mental symptoms, which is weird for me. Usually when I feel anxious, I get the adrenaline/jittery/nervous feelings and that's what clues me in to the fact that it's happening.
My guess is that the physical activity of running & stuff is helping to manage the physical symptoms this time around, which is good in a way. But unfortunately, it meant a short period of me not realizing what was going on. Sorry if I seemed extra crazy there for a bit, it's only because I kinda was.
Basically, one of the ways I mitigate my anxiety is through the self-comfort of routine and planning ahead. The more structure I have to my time, the better. Routines that involve people that I'm close with are even more helpful than just my own routines, though. Social things like Trek Night, always having the same plans on the same day of the week, etc. This is one of the things I envy about my rpg playing friends.
It's probably fairly obvious to everyone who knows me that my routines have all gone straight to hell over the last few months. Right now, this disruption is causing me to feel really ungrounded. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding onto my world by the barest skin of my teeth.
I'm working to build up new routines just as quick as I can, but it takes a while for the comforting effect to kick in. So if I seem a little bit more needy when it comes to planning ahead, or sticking to routines, that's why. My Trek Night friends will probably have noticed this by now. Sorry about that!
As I build up more routines, the significance of each individual one will decrease a bit, so one thing being canceled won't send me into a tailspin.
For the moment, all I can do is hang on and ask for your patience while I get my shit together. Many of you have been really helpful with your support and kind words over the last few months. I hope to need less of that in the near future, but for right now, please know that I appreciate you all more than I can actually express.