I could say...

[joniphonic]

...that I haven't exactly been myself lately. But that wouldn't really be accurate, because when it boils down to it, who else can we be? I suppose a better description would just be that I've been working through my process in such a way that has caused me to have some uncharacteristic days. Yeah, that sounds better. I'm thinking the less emotionally responsive, disengaged, bitter and cynical way may be the safe way to go. I realize that it is silly to plan such things out... but hell, it seems to work so well for so many people- don't put your neck out and it won't get cut, right?! I guess I'm just needing to focus on making myself happy right now and I'm very, very tired of feeling like I have to figure out what to do or how to act in order to make other people happy too. People dig me for who and what I am, and that kind of thing shouldn't require a buch of effort on my part to convey. Granted, I realize that all of that, as far as issues go, is my own burden to shoulder, and mostly self-inflicted. Most people don't expect for others to really take them so much into consideration (clearly this is the case, just drive in Atlanta during rush hour). I know that doesn't mean that I have to become some cold-hearted bitch... but it is a very fine line. Needless to say, the healthy part of this rant is that I'm coming to realize that I need to take care of myself, and take time out to re-evaluate what it is that I want/need out of life. I'm not going to quit having fun, and I'll be damned if I'll let my heart turn completely to stone (but it might take some thawing out eventually).

I said last week I was missing him- well, that's not going to happen much anymore. I feel like it's difficult to have real feelings toward someone who clearly doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Please, true believers, if you want to be my friend, don't make it a habit to say one thing and do another... that's not going to fly.