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all i really have to say is that i am one angry little girl. i am mad at the world!!! okay maybe not...but im upset with myself. i pretty much hate myself and i hate modesto and i hate school and i hate people with penis'. i hate that i let myself fall for someone. i hate that i keep stuff to myself but i also hate that everyone knows everything about me!(doesnt make sese but its sooo true at the same time) its like i dont have my OWN life. i hate that my fingernail snaped in half! that pisses me off. i freakin got my nails done so i could feel pretty because i feel like dirt and one breaks and i look trashy now! i hate that i have to be so emotional. i hate that my eyes hurt and that i dont get enough sleep...and when i fall asleep, i do so crying! i hate first period. and i hate being cold. wow! i dont sound emo at all!!! lol. yeah those are all my grievences. im hurting so bad right now. i hate it. im so mad at myself...its sickening. i cant ever do anything right. im always wrong and im always stupid...or so it seems. okay enough of that crap...lets see if i can find one good thing that happened today...
**i walked right by a security guard and he didnt even do anything! i was ditching school and walked past him with taco bell!! michael was carrying it...but i almost had a heart attack.**
okay my day wasnt all that bad. i had some good laughs but it will not cover up the pain that i am holding inside. i am afraid for my health...but im sure its nothing. i cant get warm and i wear sooooooooooo many clothes, and i have lost some weight..but thats a great thing!! considering im seeing how much i can lose. but i have headaches alot. and blah blah blah i dont feel like explaining things...no one understands me. thats all...and i thought that someone might but they skipped out of my life for a while and its killing me. i dont even know myself....looks like its time to turn to God...i do all the time but he feels so far away. and all i know is that hes all i really have and it still hurts...that shouldnt be the case..but it is. i see all these people at school and they are doing just fine...without him! sorry that i sounded so spiteful and stuff...the only thing i can blame for all my pain is myself...and thats exactly what im doing! so im really not trying to blame anyone else because thats mean. i dont want peoples little pitty parties like i have been getting from my parents...i mean its great that ya'll care but if i want to talk about something...i will....anyways...i love you people! bye