holy cow!

[jones_826]

i haven't updated this thing in YEARS! It's crazy. But I guess today, I've been feeling a bit like writing some thoughts down, so I went to this:) It's crazy this whole site has changed! I feel like so many things have changed. Myself included. I actually feel like I need to change. I feel like i haven't exactly been myself, or how i used to be. I feel like this summer alone, I've hurt so many people, without even meaning to, but then i realized i did, and I haven't felt so awful in my entire life. I had a really good relationship going with a boy named Doug Foster for a good 3 months, but then I think I got cold feet. I also think I got depressed and a little stressed out with all the things that were going on in my life. He thought he was doing something wrong, and we took a little break, so I could get my life back together. When we got back together, things were alright for a while, but then they just seemed to fall back to where they were. We broke up again, and then i realized how dumb I was and told him I was going to work at things, and try to be better, yeah, I was wrong. I broke it off again, because I didn't want to hurt him anymore. I thought it was beneficial for him because he wasn't going to be sad anymore, and he wouldn't have to get his heart broken by me again. I thought it was the right thing to do, but it turns out, everyone didn't really agree with me. A lot of people were upset with me, which i didn't understand, but I think I do now. People just wanted us to be happy...together. People thought we were a good/cute couple and they saw a bright future for us. And I had to screw everything up. Yeah, we were in love you can say.....and I still do love him, and will for a little while. But for now, I need to just let everything cool-down, and let him get over me, as brutal as i think it is. I have to get over it too though.....But other than that.....not only that has changed my life though....I've come to realize that I can not trust everyone I thought I once could. I think, in the beginning of this year, I was extremely naive. I thought I could trust everyone, and nothing would ever get spread around, and love was everything i always wanted it to be, now, I think i've grown up a little bit. I have a different mind set on things now. I've experienced a few new things, and I definitely know how a few things aren't all they are cracked up to be. I wish things like this wouldn't happen, But I guess things just happen for a reason, which sometimes I don't want to believe that quote, but I think I have to. I guess I just haven't been happy with myself or the stuff that has been happening around me. I think I might need a break from this place.....but I'm not sure.  I just hope things get better, and I hope, I can be happier and I hope the people hurt are happier too.....
:) 
thank you all for listening slash reading this.
<3