The Speech I Gave at my Father's Funeral
My father died the afternoon of Monday, February 14. Natasha and I were in Albuquerque, NM about to look at a house; suddenly we had to turn around and fly to New Jersey for the funeral which would be Thursday. The next several days were absolutely crazy. On Tuesday evening, I managed to take a breath and find an hour to scribble down a few thoughts I had about my father's life. I wished I had more time to write something more profound, but given the circumstances, this was the best I could come up with. I read it at the funeral on Thursday, February 17. It was not the eulogy--that was delivered by an old family friend who was also the Cantor of the synagogue. After he finished, I got up, stood next to my father's coffin, and read this.
I just wanted to share some random facts about my father that not everyone knew, in no particular order. This is not intended to be an inclusive list. Just a few things I jotted down, off the top of my head.
• My father loved to cook. He considered a career as a chef but was discouraged from entering that profession by his father. Yet, as an amateur he learned much and eventually became quite the master of his own little kitchen. He invented and perfected many recipes and we could always count on him to put together a tasty and well-balanced meal. He was proud of that; and we were proud consumers of his culinary skills.
• My father loved his family deeply and was never afraid to show it. He wore his heart on his sleeve; it was his strength, not his weakness.
• My father had a deep passion for justice. So many times when he read or saw injustice in the news, he would get sincerely mad. That passion for the problems of the world is something that I like to think he passed on to me. Sometimes we agreed on politics and sometimes we disagreed, but we always respected each other’s opinions.
• My father was a child of the Great Depression in the 1930s. Growing up poor taught him that true value is not to be had in material objects.
• He received an Ivy League education at Dartmouth and Columbia.
• He fell in love with the Classics, ancient Greek and Latin, and passed that on to many students whom he inspired.
• In 1957, he traveled to Rome, which he considered one of the highlights of his life. The only thing he disliked about Rome was being away from the woman who would later become my mother. In fact, he missed her so much, he faced his fears and flew home by plane, rather than taking the slower ocean-steamer, to return to his love, sooner.
• My father served in the Korean War and was proud of that service. In Korea, he saw many terrible things, but he also saw some good and made a life-long friend.
• My father was a deeply patriotic man. For a very long period of his life, he proudly flew the American flag every day. There were a number of times when he intensely disagreed with the actions of his government, but he never stopped loving his country.
• My father loved trains. I remember as a child, he and my mother would frequently take us to Allaire State Park, in New Jersey, and show off their trains. He also loved traveling by rail and would always choose that over any other form of transportation when he had to travel.
• My father was an intensely religious man and had a deep faith in God. Some force seemed to come over him when he blessed his children or, when acting as a lay-leader, blessed a congregation. On more than one occasion, I was told that some looked on him as a “Holy man.”
• My father helped build and maintain many congregations. Particularly Beth Am and B’nai Israel in New Jersey, and Bet Chaim and Beth El in Florida.
• Despite his unwavering faith in God, he had an intense fear of death. He was not afraid to share that fear with those closest to him. I hope that now his questions are finally answered.
• He was puzzled by the Book of Job and struggled with it throughout his life. His favorite book of the Bible was the Psalms. He was listening to the Psalms when he took his final breath.
• My father was married three times. Yes, to the same woman. The first time, in 1958. In 1967, he and my mother had their Jewish wedding. And in the mid-70s, they renewed their vows at a Marriage Encounter ceremony. All-in-all, he was married for 52 years; he and my mom set an amazing example of a beautiful marriage.
• I’m so glad that my father got to know my fiancé, Natasha, and strongly approved of our upcoming marriage.
• Only those really close to him knew this, but he loved to make up silly rhyming songs. Sometimes they didn’t work so well, but other times they would have us doubled over in stitches.
• He loved working in the garden. He passed on his love for plants to my sister Judi, with whom he shared many happy hours planting, tending, and admiring many different varieties of flowers.
• My father enjoyed woodworking. When I and my sisters were young children, he made wooden toys for us. Boats that floated. Plaques that hung on the walls. And he assisted me, when I was a Cub Scout, in making my first-prize-winning Pinewood Derby racecar.
• My father talked to me nearly every day of my life.
• I think of him now as he often was, as a proud host, sitting at the head of the diningroom table, regaling guests with interesting stories of his life, as we all enjoyed the food he just cooked.