Right Beside You In Time
I don't give a fuck what you think, Gavin. Vanilla wafers are better.
I'll never forget the first time I laid eyes on Ghost. It was in school and it was my sophomore year. I passed him in the hall on my way to a class and I did a fucking double-take. He went in a classroom and I swear I almost went in after him. Gavin laughed his ass off and called me lame later, but I walked past his class three times that hour. I was debating on waiting outside the room so I could approach him when his class ended, but a teacher caught me and sent me to my own class.
It took me six fucking months to talk to him. We had different classes and I didn't see him in passing very often. I did see him a couple times but I couldn't make myself approach. He was fucking beautiful and he was untouchable. I guess I was nervous. Fuck me, I was in love the moment I saw him.
It was when I realized that the jocks had targeted him that I decided it was time to talk to him. I was waiting for an opportunity when it was inadvertantly handed to me. A teacher asked me to take some materials to one of the coaches that day and when I went in to the locker room to find him, there he was. Three of the football players had him cornered. It pissed me off and I told them to fuck off. They left and he looked at me and fuck me, I couldn't breathe. I wanted to stand there and stare at him, his eyes were (and are still) the most beautiful eyes I have ever looked into. I think I asked him if he was all right and he said yes, then he thanked me. What I wanted to say was "You're gorgeous I love you let's run off together I can't get you out of my head." Instead I told him he was welcome.
Fate was in my favor when I changed one of my classes a couple days later to be in Gavin's, and found out he was in it. Two days after that Gavin and I met up with him on the old baseball field when we snuck out to smoke. He was quiet and shy and he seemed to be afraid of me. I decided then and there we would be best friends.
I guess I'm a pushy bastard like that sometimes.
He was scared and he was fragile and I wanted to keep him safe from his haunts. He has grown over the years and he has so much fucking strength. It amazes me. He doesn't understand why I'm in awe of him but I am. Still, there are nights when I remember how things used to be, the fear he carried with him. There are nights like last night when he can't stop shaking, or like the night before last when he wakes from his sleep screaming. He still has his bad nights and it reminds me that he's strong but he's still fragile too. It makes me want to find and fight and drive down his demons and the people who put them in him. One day I'll do it. For now I'll hold him and sing to him and keep him safe in the ways that I can.
Sometimes I feel that everything I do is not enough. He's still haunted so there must be more I can do to help him. Then he looks at me and he tells me I'm his safe and it is enough. It breaks me but it's in good ways and fuck me, I love him. I love him and I have from that first moment in that hallway, years ago.
I love you, Spooky. You're my darkness and my music and I'll be your moon and your safe for as long as you'll let me be and longer. What we have is more than just love and just being. It's madlove and it's dark and it's connection, and we're wrapped in and around and through one another on every level. Love and adore, soul and souls. All ways, always.
Eternal is more than just a word to me.
You and me
We're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you
You're my safe as much as I am yours, Spook. Madlove.
J.
I'll never forget the first time I laid eyes on Ghost. It was in school and it was my sophomore year. I passed him in the hall on my way to a class and I did a fucking double-take. He went in a classroom and I swear I almost went in after him. Gavin laughed his ass off and called me lame later, but I walked past his class three times that hour. I was debating on waiting outside the room so I could approach him when his class ended, but a teacher caught me and sent me to my own class.
It took me six fucking months to talk to him. We had different classes and I didn't see him in passing very often. I did see him a couple times but I couldn't make myself approach. He was fucking beautiful and he was untouchable. I guess I was nervous. Fuck me, I was in love the moment I saw him.
It was when I realized that the jocks had targeted him that I decided it was time to talk to him. I was waiting for an opportunity when it was inadvertantly handed to me. A teacher asked me to take some materials to one of the coaches that day and when I went in to the locker room to find him, there he was. Three of the football players had him cornered. It pissed me off and I told them to fuck off. They left and he looked at me and fuck me, I couldn't breathe. I wanted to stand there and stare at him, his eyes were (and are still) the most beautiful eyes I have ever looked into. I think I asked him if he was all right and he said yes, then he thanked me. What I wanted to say was "You're gorgeous I love you let's run off together I can't get you out of my head." Instead I told him he was welcome.
Fate was in my favor when I changed one of my classes a couple days later to be in Gavin's, and found out he was in it. Two days after that Gavin and I met up with him on the old baseball field when we snuck out to smoke. He was quiet and shy and he seemed to be afraid of me. I decided then and there we would be best friends.
I guess I'm a pushy bastard like that sometimes.
He was scared and he was fragile and I wanted to keep him safe from his haunts. He has grown over the years and he has so much fucking strength. It amazes me. He doesn't understand why I'm in awe of him but I am. Still, there are nights when I remember how things used to be, the fear he carried with him. There are nights like last night when he can't stop shaking, or like the night before last when he wakes from his sleep screaming. He still has his bad nights and it reminds me that he's strong but he's still fragile too. It makes me want to find and fight and drive down his demons and the people who put them in him. One day I'll do it. For now I'll hold him and sing to him and keep him safe in the ways that I can.
Sometimes I feel that everything I do is not enough. He's still haunted so there must be more I can do to help him. Then he looks at me and he tells me I'm his safe and it is enough. It breaks me but it's in good ways and fuck me, I love him. I love him and I have from that first moment in that hallway, years ago.
I love you, Spooky. You're my darkness and my music and I'll be your moon and your safe for as long as you'll let me be and longer. What we have is more than just love and just being. It's madlove and it's dark and it's connection, and we're wrapped in and around and through one another on every level. Love and adore, soul and souls. All ways, always.
Eternal is more than just a word to me.
You and me
We're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you
You're my safe as much as I am yours, Spook. Madlove.
J.