(no subject)
the past weekend wasnt the best weekend i would say. the best weekend being the 2 days where Chris celebrated my birthday for me, (that story, for another day).
today, wat i want to talk about is about my team. on saturday, it was my team cohesion day (or so it was called). so wat was planned was that we will head to sentosa for a day of fun. on fri nite, i heard the 2 organisers, who happen to b girls, will not be coming. so after talking to a male team mate, we kinda concluded there wont b much girls going. juz b4 i head to bed, i was pondering, yes it does seem to me at that point in time that there wont be any girls attending at all!! that shouldnt be the case as it was the TEAM cohesion day, not male bonding day! as predicted, no girls attending the sentosa trip, thou 2 of them arrived at 4pm and we left sentosa about 6pm. BUT the guys arrived at noon time. 7 of us. juz so happen, the 7 of us are the closer ones in the team. not much need for us 7 to bond right? the idea of bonding is to bond with those who are new and wonders around the team and not in the team, (in chinese, it's called 徘徊). there was a second part to the day where we went dinner. supposedly, we were to have dinner at glass house, fish n co. but the guys at sentosa decided to overrule that decision and changed it to marina south bbq dinner. so it was changed. the number of ppl at the dinner was 15, from the 8 who left sentosa. we had lotsa food, crabs, prawns. after that we headed to bugis for a drink. i was damn tired from the whole day of activity and was really not keen on going drinking (coupled with the fact that i feel a little broke). was kinda forced to go when my good frd left. everything went down hill after that. No mood, no mood, no mood. decided that i wan to leave. had msged chris and he was ard the area. so told him i wanted to go home and he could gif me a ride home. told my team mates i wanted to leave. one of them is staying in sk, we always go back together but chris' car is a 2 seater. cant gif anyone lifts (and we sure dont wan to gif them lifts). they were like pressurising me to stay as they could accompany me. but chris was on his way there. hence i talked to chris and decided nt to bow down to them and leave. one of them had seen me b4 in chris' car as chris had sent me to training and away from training b4. so she asked if that is the car. i said yes. i was nonchalent about the fact that they mite guess if i'm gay or wat. I COULDNT BE BOTHERED.
the next day, i told my frd about the whole incident at nite at the drinking session and he was like dont picha urself. coz it mite suggest that he is too. but i dont care. ppl suspect about him more than they do of me. and i told him about my "keen-ness" of going training later on and he was like giving me a lecture. he said something like if i dont go for training, it will affect the rest. i seriously dont think i make much of an impact over in the team. if it will affect someone, it will only affect him. i was a little pissed coz he said something else. if u are like dat, i dont think u should be a sportman. i was like thinking, dont make me agree with wat u said and leave the team.
so this week, i decided to b quite a loner and not be bothered with the team. minimise contact with the rest. while i was having my break, i was thinking of the possible effects of leaving the team, citing not enuf time for the team and it's training. in the following months to come, i have 2 lectures on sundays, in the month of may, exams. in june, backpacking. if i wan to leave, shld i join back in aug when the new batch of students come in? June's race, i will definitely not be able to participate. then i also must start having a core group of non-team mates friends if i would wan to leave the team. i have a few female frds whom i'm close to also. there's so many uncertainty. i was talking to chris last nite about it too and i could train myself in the gym if i wan to also, as he asked me about my initial aim of joining the team.
i had learnt many things in this sports. i have never been so lean b4. never had i been a sportsman. some times, i do surprise myself. but there r still many things i could pick up from this sports. i can be much more disciplined, i can be more sporty, i can have a much better physique, i can be a stronger person both mentally and physically, i can be lots of things. i can make lots of good frds who support each other thru everything. i could get my first medal in a sports after so many year. the possibilities are endless.
will quiting create a void in my life which is hard to fill? it does seem so. 1st year in this sports, 1st year in this sch. 2 more years in this sch to go. 2 more years of doing the same thing again. my heart and mind is in a loss now. is it another of those 'periods' that i go thru from time to time? if so, pls make it go away fast. this is not a VERY nice feeling to have!
today, wat i want to talk about is about my team. on saturday, it was my team cohesion day (or so it was called). so wat was planned was that we will head to sentosa for a day of fun. on fri nite, i heard the 2 organisers, who happen to b girls, will not be coming. so after talking to a male team mate, we kinda concluded there wont b much girls going. juz b4 i head to bed, i was pondering, yes it does seem to me at that point in time that there wont be any girls attending at all!! that shouldnt be the case as it was the TEAM cohesion day, not male bonding day! as predicted, no girls attending the sentosa trip, thou 2 of them arrived at 4pm and we left sentosa about 6pm. BUT the guys arrived at noon time. 7 of us. juz so happen, the 7 of us are the closer ones in the team. not much need for us 7 to bond right? the idea of bonding is to bond with those who are new and wonders around the team and not in the team, (in chinese, it's called 徘徊). there was a second part to the day where we went dinner. supposedly, we were to have dinner at glass house, fish n co. but the guys at sentosa decided to overrule that decision and changed it to marina south bbq dinner. so it was changed. the number of ppl at the dinner was 15, from the 8 who left sentosa. we had lotsa food, crabs, prawns. after that we headed to bugis for a drink. i was damn tired from the whole day of activity and was really not keen on going drinking (coupled with the fact that i feel a little broke). was kinda forced to go when my good frd left. everything went down hill after that. No mood, no mood, no mood. decided that i wan to leave. had msged chris and he was ard the area. so told him i wanted to go home and he could gif me a ride home. told my team mates i wanted to leave. one of them is staying in sk, we always go back together but chris' car is a 2 seater. cant gif anyone lifts (and we sure dont wan to gif them lifts). they were like pressurising me to stay as they could accompany me. but chris was on his way there. hence i talked to chris and decided nt to bow down to them and leave. one of them had seen me b4 in chris' car as chris had sent me to training and away from training b4. so she asked if that is the car. i said yes. i was nonchalent about the fact that they mite guess if i'm gay or wat. I COULDNT BE BOTHERED.
the next day, i told my frd about the whole incident at nite at the drinking session and he was like dont picha urself. coz it mite suggest that he is too. but i dont care. ppl suspect about him more than they do of me. and i told him about my "keen-ness" of going training later on and he was like giving me a lecture. he said something like if i dont go for training, it will affect the rest. i seriously dont think i make much of an impact over in the team. if it will affect someone, it will only affect him. i was a little pissed coz he said something else. if u are like dat, i dont think u should be a sportman. i was like thinking, dont make me agree with wat u said and leave the team.
so this week, i decided to b quite a loner and not be bothered with the team. minimise contact with the rest. while i was having my break, i was thinking of the possible effects of leaving the team, citing not enuf time for the team and it's training. in the following months to come, i have 2 lectures on sundays, in the month of may, exams. in june, backpacking. if i wan to leave, shld i join back in aug when the new batch of students come in? June's race, i will definitely not be able to participate. then i also must start having a core group of non-team mates friends if i would wan to leave the team. i have a few female frds whom i'm close to also. there's so many uncertainty. i was talking to chris last nite about it too and i could train myself in the gym if i wan to also, as he asked me about my initial aim of joining the team.
i had learnt many things in this sports. i have never been so lean b4. never had i been a sportsman. some times, i do surprise myself. but there r still many things i could pick up from this sports. i can be much more disciplined, i can be more sporty, i can have a much better physique, i can be a stronger person both mentally and physically, i can be lots of things. i can make lots of good frds who support each other thru everything. i could get my first medal in a sports after so many year. the possibilities are endless.
will quiting create a void in my life which is hard to fill? it does seem so. 1st year in this sports, 1st year in this sch. 2 more years in this sch to go. 2 more years of doing the same thing again. my heart and mind is in a loss now. is it another of those 'periods' that i go thru from time to time? if so, pls make it go away fast. this is not a VERY nice feeling to have!