I have been gone for god knows how long...
Since the 29th day in February I've been travelling the land the best I could. My car broke down in the middle of April, so I've been hitching rides all over the highways and biways of this 'grand' country we call the United States of America. Working odd jobs here and there to make ends meet and to get some food in my gullet. So what exciting stories do I have to tell all the ones who have missed me (which is roughly 3 people)?
I was almost shot close range with a shotgun. That was quite fun for the most part until I realized some shrapnel actually was lodged in my right elbow and left foot. I was surprised that was all that was hit on my body. Who shot me? My beautiful friend Rebecca out in Ohio who I was visiting for a few days to get some much needed slumber. Why did she try to shoot me/actually shot me? That's pretty simple actually.
It's because she thought I was Mephisto. You read that correctly... she thought I was a form of Satan himself. And she had to destroy me before I would spread my evil throughout the world. All I could do was laugh while she yelled at me to leave her abode before she would smite me back to the 'hellish domain' I was from. I thought nothing of it, already downing a few margaritas she had concocted for the two of us. She kept on yelling at me in some language that I think was a cross between Latin and Chinese, not sure which was more prominent. I told her I would excuse myself for the rest of the night, so I would bring my satanic powers unto her. That's when she came out with the shotgun.
And then the blast. A flash of light and I just laughed my ass off until I saw blood coming from my elbow and knew bits and pieces of the bullet and the wall she ultimately hit flew into my own skin. When I saw the blood all I could mutter were the words "GG Allin never got shot." which left her in a stunned state, which gave me enough time to grab my bag and run down the road and into the forest nearby to hide from her. I then walked all the way to Pittsburgh (took about a day because I took in the sights and chatted it up with the local yokels) and got an advance from the Associated Press for an article that hasn't been written yet in order to get a ticket to New York City and to visit my friend James (wonkakillskids). I never got to New York City though, which is another story for another day but it's been really self-gratifying to get this out in printed form. I haven't had the chance for awhile but luckily I have my shitty car back and got my laptop back which was on loan to another friend.
I'm just one hell of a guy.
I was almost shot close range with a shotgun. That was quite fun for the most part until I realized some shrapnel actually was lodged in my right elbow and left foot. I was surprised that was all that was hit on my body. Who shot me? My beautiful friend Rebecca out in Ohio who I was visiting for a few days to get some much needed slumber. Why did she try to shoot me/actually shot me? That's pretty simple actually.
It's because she thought I was Mephisto. You read that correctly... she thought I was a form of Satan himself. And she had to destroy me before I would spread my evil throughout the world. All I could do was laugh while she yelled at me to leave her abode before she would smite me back to the 'hellish domain' I was from. I thought nothing of it, already downing a few margaritas she had concocted for the two of us. She kept on yelling at me in some language that I think was a cross between Latin and Chinese, not sure which was more prominent. I told her I would excuse myself for the rest of the night, so I would bring my satanic powers unto her. That's when she came out with the shotgun.
And then the blast. A flash of light and I just laughed my ass off until I saw blood coming from my elbow and knew bits and pieces of the bullet and the wall she ultimately hit flew into my own skin. When I saw the blood all I could mutter were the words "GG Allin never got shot." which left her in a stunned state, which gave me enough time to grab my bag and run down the road and into the forest nearby to hide from her. I then walked all the way to Pittsburgh (took about a day because I took in the sights and chatted it up with the local yokels) and got an advance from the Associated Press for an article that hasn't been written yet in order to get a ticket to New York City and to visit my friend James (wonkakillskids). I never got to New York City though, which is another story for another day but it's been really self-gratifying to get this out in printed form. I haven't had the chance for awhile but luckily I have my shitty car back and got my laptop back which was on loan to another friend.
I'm just one hell of a guy.