it was all good until he whipped out the handcuffs.
this weekend was interesting. this man came over and handcuffed me. And before you go thinking about me and gay S&M, first listen to my story, in which I was metaphorically raped by the man, whom, from this point on I will refer to as "whitey."
i missed a day of school on friday, so my mom decided to punish me by confiscating my car from me. And it was MY car. I paid for it, although it was in my dad's name as minor's can't legally own cars. And so she concinced my dad to agree to my punishment so my dad told me to go along with it I did. Then I went outside for a walk that friday afternoon, and when i came back i noticed that th;ere was a red object on my car. It was a club. Upon closer inspection i noticed that whomever had clubbed my car had made a small scratch on the steering wheel, which my OCD would just not allow. And so i freaked out and ran into the house with the intent of killing my mom. I tore apart her room in search of the club key, and i also may have punched a few holes in the walls of my house to alleviate my anger. But there was no club key to be found. I decided to hold her passport and green card ransom for the car. I tried to cut the club off with a hacksaw to no avail. Which sucked balls paris hilton style.
When she arrived, and i demanded my club key, i refused to stop searching her room so she called the police. At about 10 whitey rolled down my street and investigated things. after judging the value of the passport and green card to be more than 400, and i refused to give them back until she unclubbed my dad's car, i was cuffed and stuck into the back of the police car. It also didn't help that i started laughing at whitey when he made up the name of a country. so anyway as he was cuffing me he explained to her that even though everything in my house was paid for by either me or my dad, she can still take it away and hit me as long as she doesn't leave a mark. he also told her of her right to confiscate my license. so basically on a power trip. they confiscated my watch, my hemp bracelets and hair-bands that i wear on my wrist, my wallet, and some change in my pocket. then he stuck me in the car. he also took my car key from my pocket, and they started looking through my car. they went through my emergency bag with my sleeping bag, and confiscated the emergency condoms and a belt that i had in the bag. the cop came back and i told him where the passport was, fulfilling my promise to megan that i wouldn't get arrested.
then she let him on a tour of my house, as he confiscated over 50 items including collectible Israeli 1967 War Ammunition, and some nifty sniper rifle bullets and "cop-killer" bullets that i had recieved and not even looked at since i got them over five years ago. nevertheless it pissed me off as none of the bullets were usable anymore. Also he took some big firecrackers that i didn't even know i had and a few swords that i had put away in my closet. He took lots of things, and then my mom took away basically everything that i had. Everthing that I had payed for myself. Stupid cunt.
So in the morning after whitey left i snuck down to her car where all of my things were being stored in the rear compartment of her Volvo XC90. It was locked. But no worries because due to my perfect physique i was able to slither my way through the crack in the sunroof with my ethiopian-bandit skills. I found the club key, and I loaded up my he trunk of my car with all of my possesions.
Now heres the good part. I'm gonna go back to get my car soon, and i will remove the club from my car and put it on her car. Yeah. That's right. I have a whole new view of things now. Fuck whitey. Fuck my mom.
And look at this cool picture of my secret agent skills.
