A Lass Is What I Lack
i thought about it even more today. there were a lot more good points, but the thoughts kept popping in. i mean, it's just torturing me everyday. i cant help just secluding myself. when the musical is over, life will just begin to be the same, and it will be worst. just days running upon days, more schoolwork, more work work and i mean, god, having someone around would make it so much better. i just don't understand, i keep seeing all these couples and i wanna just grab them and rip them apart. that sounds kinda sadistic, but its just what i feel like doing. i mean, am i selfish for needing these feelings? today, i admit it was better. but now, im here again, sitting in the same old chair, talking to the same old person, me. this whole thing is just talking to myself, straightening everything out. look, i used to think i needed physical emotion....but now i just need love. i sound so childish sometimes i want to just take a jack-in-the-box in my hands and act my age. you know what though, there's a guiding light somewhere. i can see it in a few people, a very small amount of people that make me forget everything that is happening and just live in the moment. those people know who they are, and you know what, thats the love i want. thats the real definition of love. someone who can just say "hey, nick, you dont have to impress anybody, it's just me." and yeah i'll be myself, awkward and yet relaxed. once again, the days are getting smoother but i know i'll hit another bump soon. you know whats weird? when you sit in your driveway for 10 minutes contemplating whether you should just skip town. i've got money to live with for a week or two, why cant i just leave? what makes all teenagers afraid to stray away until they hit college? i almost thought about leaving, for a millisecond. just to drive to the nearest airport and fly far away. but, its terrible, because i would miss people. family. stupid little places where all the memories lie. i think i take a lot of things for granted. maybe i think things are terrible, when theyre really not. and theyre not. just, some things are and they overpower everything else. i like talking to people like this, but its still not very personal. looking forward to the musical again, which went kinda well tonight and looking forward to hp4. why? cuz im a bigg geek. always and forever yours, nick.