Torn Apart
I don't know what to do. The action that I want to take seems as though it would do more harm than good, and the other action that i could take makes me sick. I almost just want it to be over, to finally move and get on with what i need to do. but here i am, sitting in a powder keg of stress that blows up and gets refilled on almost a daily basis. I want to love....but i can't, i'm not allowed. I want to say NO.....but i can't. i want to quit! I want to run away.....but what would that solve? absolutely NOTHING!!!!! so here i sit, unsure of what to do, if i need to make a gesture, or if that gesture will just hurt me. Do i end everything like some people have suggested? or do i try to start.... i have reasons to stop and to start at the same time. I want to start, but is it worth it? am i just hurting myself if i do? there's just so much BULLSHIT that i have to deal with when it comes to this. It just seems that if it went one way or the other then all that bullshit would go away. I just don't want to give up what little i have... i'd rather have just some than none, is that wrong? Am i just settling? am i just giving in to what i can get rather than what i truly deserve? Am i just stupid and not accepting things for the way they are. I'm waiting.... and i know it will all work out in the end, but waiting for that end..... sometimes, it just really hurts....