(no subject)
This weird thing has happened to my body in the last year where if I laugh really really hard, I get the hiccups. It happened to me this week after shopping with my mum. I needed a nice suit because I spilled mustard on the jacket of my favourite one. I have the one I wore to the premiere and that's it right now for something I really look good in.. so we went to a tailor who measured me while I stood there with my arms out like a scarecrow. My measurements are changing. My waist is the same size but my shoulders are just a little bit broader. After the measurements my mum insisted on getting every suit related accessory imaginable and then a few things for herself and it turned into a three hour trip.
We went to a restaurant later. We've gone here before and usually sit outdoors in the summer but the weather was too cool, so we sat by the window. We both had sandwiches and afterward she had ice cream and I had a cigarette and looked out the window. I didn't realise how lost I got until she said my name three times to get my attention. I said "Sorry.. I'm listening. What were you saying?" I knew then that she was going to ask me a hundred times what was wrong and I wouldn't know how to answer her. I brought up an old family trip instead and the time my dad tried to grill things and that's when I laughed so hard that I got the hiccups.
It would be crazy to say that I'm lonely.. I'm surrounded by people always, and they're fun people. But I was thinking as I sat there with my mum how nice it would be to be with someone I could smile at across the table before I reached over and grabbed his hand. It would be nice to have someone to tell about my day who didn't give birth to me. I miss regular sex with someone whose body I know.. I miss someone knowing my body. Since things ended with Paul I've been against relationships. I said they slowed me down and that I was too young for them, and I still believe that a bit. I think I'm just in a mood.
I want to change my journal back to jon_lee because I'm not in S Club anymore but I don't want to be annoying. I should do a poll to see how many people would sigh and add me again anyway.
We went to a restaurant later. We've gone here before and usually sit outdoors in the summer but the weather was too cool, so we sat by the window. We both had sandwiches and afterward she had ice cream and I had a cigarette and looked out the window. I didn't realise how lost I got until she said my name three times to get my attention. I said "Sorry.. I'm listening. What were you saying?" I knew then that she was going to ask me a hundred times what was wrong and I wouldn't know how to answer her. I brought up an old family trip instead and the time my dad tried to grill things and that's when I laughed so hard that I got the hiccups.
It would be crazy to say that I'm lonely.. I'm surrounded by people always, and they're fun people. But I was thinking as I sat there with my mum how nice it would be to be with someone I could smile at across the table before I reached over and grabbed his hand. It would be nice to have someone to tell about my day who didn't give birth to me. I miss regular sex with someone whose body I know.. I miss someone knowing my body. Since things ended with Paul I've been against relationships. I said they slowed me down and that I was too young for them, and I still believe that a bit. I think I'm just in a mood.
I want to change my journal back to jon_lee because I'm not in S Club anymore but I don't want to be annoying. I should do a poll to see how many people would sigh and add me again anyway.