Topic 100: Losing control
A few weeks ago, I was close to losing control in a way I never thought I would.
I was in a threesome, with Dean and... Alex. Alex, he wanted me to dominate Dean - and so I did. What I didn't expect was enjoying it as much as I did. I thought I'd mostly get off on Alex commanding me.
What I didn't expect at all was the effect that Dean's blood would have on me. In the moment I hit him, in the moment I saw blood well up from the welt - something shifted. I felt a rush, dangerous, and hard to control. I could have - should have - stopped the scene in that moment, but I didn't.
I didn't want to.
I wanted to hear more of his screams, I wanted to taste, smell more of his blood. I wanted him to hurt for me - and I wanted him to be mine. I don't know which part of me stopped me from going to far - it certainly wasn't a conscious decision. My control had slipped the moment I drew blood. Looking back at it, it's scary. We were in too deep, we were in this way over our heads - and Alex knew it all the way.
We just got lucky that nothing worse happened that night.
The feeling, the desire to own Dean, to make him hurt for me - it's still there, stronger than before, nursed by that night.
It scares me - I'm not sure how well I can control it.
I was in a threesome, with Dean and... Alex. Alex, he wanted me to dominate Dean - and so I did. What I didn't expect was enjoying it as much as I did. I thought I'd mostly get off on Alex commanding me.
What I didn't expect at all was the effect that Dean's blood would have on me. In the moment I hit him, in the moment I saw blood well up from the welt - something shifted. I felt a rush, dangerous, and hard to control. I could have - should have - stopped the scene in that moment, but I didn't.
I didn't want to.
I wanted to hear more of his screams, I wanted to taste, smell more of his blood. I wanted him to hurt for me - and I wanted him to be mine. I don't know which part of me stopped me from going to far - it certainly wasn't a conscious decision. My control had slipped the moment I drew blood. Looking back at it, it's scary. We were in too deep, we were in this way over our heads - and Alex knew it all the way.
We just got lucky that nothing worse happened that night.
The feeling, the desire to own Dean, to make him hurt for me - it's still there, stronger than before, nursed by that night.
It scares me - I'm not sure how well I can control it.