(no subject)
Some people don't believe in karma.
I am not one of those people.
I am a firm believer that if a person does a good deed and truly believes that another being has benefited from their intervention, that it's got to count for *something* in the chambers of the Almighty Ones.
God: So, fat-ass, how does karma work again?
Buddha: Shut up, at least people know what I look like. Seated, reclining, carved into mountain sides, all that jazz. What do you have on that?
God: Hel-lo, they were all created in my image. So there!
Allah: 'Sup, dudes!
Buddha: You know, you really started a trend with those feel-good shirts. Who'da thunk that slapping 'I am Great!' on a t- shirt would just catch on?
Allah: Yup, that's true. I should have been a marketing major. But you know what I think we can all agree on?
God: What's that?
Allah: Making a snake is easy!
Buddha: Ooh yeah! You just roll your hands together! Except if maybe you're, *that* fellow.
God: Okay, so I squashed his head before he went onto the assembly line. It's a cobra, for my-sonssakes!
Buddha: What were we talking about again?
ANYWAYS.
Work sucked just a little bit. We were doing a party for a bunch of realtors, several of whom I'd drank with the night before. I'd worked the requisite 8.5 hour shift and at the end of it all, there was a mess of crap that they just didn't pick up. In keeping with tradition, if it's left over and not worth much money, we take it!
I came away with this cool sailor's cap with 'Century 21: The Bluenosers' on the side, which apparently really suited my face shape, as well as a bouquet of centerpiece flowers. What do y'all think? Does it indeed suit my face shape?
I'm on shore leave and I've only got a few hours. Let's make this quick, darling.
I'd made plans to hitch a lift from a kind co-worker (Dana) earlier on in the night. It kind of sucks that I don't drive (something I'm working on as we speak,) but until then it's that, or riding next to creepy people with names like 'Fun Roger' on the train. Whenever she gives me a lift, we always drive around the Zoo, because with the way that she drives, that's actually the fastest way to get to my place. It's got the fewest lights, and with that, comes the fewest weirdos that would force her to drive over in an effort to take me home.
Not tonight, my friends!
Out of nowhere we see this dude in a kilt, obviously quite drunk off of his ass, daring motorists to honk if they wanna see the sac. I rolled down the window and gave him a good, 'WOOOO!' before rolling up and having a good laugh. 'I'm just glad I looked away from it,' she said.
'Aww, I don't think they'd actually do it. It's freezing! I wish I could have taken a picture!'
'Do you want to head back and shoot a photo?'
'YES.'
The fellow in the middle's named Blaine. I think he'd make a fine Sean Connery.
Turns out that there was a wedding a few hours ago, and after several cabs had picked up the rest of the guests, not a single one had been by to pick up these poor folks for about ninety minutes.
*Cue sad violin music.*
What kind of...bastards would do such a thing? Especially when these people are going hella south and the lucky cab driver is guaranteed a $50-60 payoff?
A few minutes later, we're all buddies. Sort of. So there's:
- Blaine, the dude in the photo, quite happily content with his lot in life.
- Brad, who had a birthday party the night before, has a cold, and is not wearing anything under the kilt.
- Adam, a dude studying at the University of Alberta.
- Marcy, Brad's sweetheart of a girlfriend and fellow smoker.
- And...and...this guy wearing a leather coat. At least I think it was leather. We'll call him Rex.
After talking it over with Dana, we eventually agree on taking them downtown to a hotel where they hopefully have a cab queue, a cozy fire, and foreign workers to massage their feet, taking them to podiatric bliss.
Marcy, Blaine, and Rex who are all obviously freezing, hop inside and are whisked away. I keep Brad (who's understandably upset) and Adam company until Dana returns with the whip.
Brad tries unsuccessfully to negotiate a warm spot in the guard's station, while Adam and I shoot the shit. He's originally from Calgary, but went to the U of A for a change of scenery. Apparently the Edmonton public transit system is complete and utter crap compared to the system we've got here, he's studying Business/Economics up yonder, and I'll divine that he also enjoys parties on Whyte Ave., coffee, and sandwiches.
Jason, the security guard in the little station, has been at it since 7 PM and won't get off until abut 7.20 AM.
'So Jason, that's really gotta take some guts, eh?'
'Not really, you just gotta keep awake and make sure everything's alright.'
'So do you have to make sure the animals are alright?'
'Oh, they're alright. It's the people who jump the fence that you've gotta worry about. Oh, but occasionally you've gotta keep an eye on those animals who maybe can't take the cold.'
'Like what?'
'Flamingoes. Most animals you just turn a light on and see if they're doing okay, but don't get me started on them.'
Brad, visibly disturbed, comes from around the corner.
'So what would happen if I started breaking windows?'
I offered Brad a cigarette, we lit up, and I secretly prayed that Dana would be back with the whip before we had a bad case of cops with glocks up our asses.
Within thirty seconds, Dana comes cruising around the corner. I thought to myself, 'Damn, The Man sure does work fast when you're hoping for something like that!'
We out the freshly lit cigarettes and head into the downtown core. I've got an inkling that Brad's thinking about sparking it up in the back with the window open, but Dana learned how to drive from an RCMP officer so the jaunt wasn't that long.
'Oi, take this extra lighter so you can enjoy the rest of that butt.'
'Do we owe you guys anything?'
'Nah, you're cold and you wanna get home. Have a good night, gentlemen.'
So, although Dana's not Buddhist, she's earned six karma points - or whatever her religious designation's Frequent Flyer Program doles out. Five for each of the frozen wedding guests, and one for me.
And what do I get? I'm not sure, but maybe the Council's going a little something like this:
God: He was baptised Catholic, and Catholic he shall remain.
Buddha: Well he's been with my crew for a few years, and I'm alright if he rolls with you too.
God: I am Almighty!
Buddha: I think he'd much rather come back as a dove, don't you?
God: I am...hmm...okay, tell you what. How about this: you reincarnate him as a dove, he'll get released at a Catholic wedding, whereupon I'll send a low-flying plane to grease him, and then I'll send him to purgatory.
Allah: Would anyone like a hot, buttered biscuit?
I am not one of those people.
I am a firm believer that if a person does a good deed and truly believes that another being has benefited from their intervention, that it's got to count for *something* in the chambers of the Almighty Ones.
God: So, fat-ass, how does karma work again?
Buddha: Shut up, at least people know what I look like. Seated, reclining, carved into mountain sides, all that jazz. What do you have on that?
God: Hel-lo, they were all created in my image. So there!
Allah: 'Sup, dudes!
Buddha: You know, you really started a trend with those feel-good shirts. Who'da thunk that slapping 'I am Great!' on a t- shirt would just catch on?
Allah: Yup, that's true. I should have been a marketing major. But you know what I think we can all agree on?
God: What's that?
Allah: Making a snake is easy!
Buddha: Ooh yeah! You just roll your hands together! Except if maybe you're, *that* fellow.
God: Okay, so I squashed his head before he went onto the assembly line. It's a cobra, for my-sonssakes!
Buddha: What were we talking about again?
ANYWAYS.
Work sucked just a little bit. We were doing a party for a bunch of realtors, several of whom I'd drank with the night before. I'd worked the requisite 8.5 hour shift and at the end of it all, there was a mess of crap that they just didn't pick up. In keeping with tradition, if it's left over and not worth much money, we take it!
I came away with this cool sailor's cap with 'Century 21: The Bluenosers' on the side, which apparently really suited my face shape, as well as a bouquet of centerpiece flowers. What do y'all think? Does it indeed suit my face shape?
I'm on shore leave and I've only got a few hours. Let's make this quick, darling.
I'd made plans to hitch a lift from a kind co-worker (Dana) earlier on in the night. It kind of sucks that I don't drive (something I'm working on as we speak,) but until then it's that, or riding next to creepy people with names like 'Fun Roger' on the train. Whenever she gives me a lift, we always drive around the Zoo, because with the way that she drives, that's actually the fastest way to get to my place. It's got the fewest lights, and with that, comes the fewest weirdos that would force her to drive over in an effort to take me home.
Not tonight, my friends!
Out of nowhere we see this dude in a kilt, obviously quite drunk off of his ass, daring motorists to honk if they wanna see the sac. I rolled down the window and gave him a good, 'WOOOO!' before rolling up and having a good laugh. 'I'm just glad I looked away from it,' she said.
'Aww, I don't think they'd actually do it. It's freezing! I wish I could have taken a picture!'
'Do you want to head back and shoot a photo?'
'YES.'
The fellow in the middle's named Blaine. I think he'd make a fine Sean Connery.
Turns out that there was a wedding a few hours ago, and after several cabs had picked up the rest of the guests, not a single one had been by to pick up these poor folks for about ninety minutes.
*Cue sad violin music.*
What kind of...bastards would do such a thing? Especially when these people are going hella south and the lucky cab driver is guaranteed a $50-60 payoff?
A few minutes later, we're all buddies. Sort of. So there's:
- Blaine, the dude in the photo, quite happily content with his lot in life.
- Brad, who had a birthday party the night before, has a cold, and is not wearing anything under the kilt.
- Adam, a dude studying at the University of Alberta.
- Marcy, Brad's sweetheart of a girlfriend and fellow smoker.
- And...and...this guy wearing a leather coat. At least I think it was leather. We'll call him Rex.
After talking it over with Dana, we eventually agree on taking them downtown to a hotel where they hopefully have a cab queue, a cozy fire, and foreign workers to massage their feet, taking them to podiatric bliss.
Marcy, Blaine, and Rex who are all obviously freezing, hop inside and are whisked away. I keep Brad (who's understandably upset) and Adam company until Dana returns with the whip.
Brad tries unsuccessfully to negotiate a warm spot in the guard's station, while Adam and I shoot the shit. He's originally from Calgary, but went to the U of A for a change of scenery. Apparently the Edmonton public transit system is complete and utter crap compared to the system we've got here, he's studying Business/Economics up yonder, and I'll divine that he also enjoys parties on Whyte Ave., coffee, and sandwiches.
Jason, the security guard in the little station, has been at it since 7 PM and won't get off until abut 7.20 AM.
'So Jason, that's really gotta take some guts, eh?'
'Not really, you just gotta keep awake and make sure everything's alright.'
'So do you have to make sure the animals are alright?'
'Oh, they're alright. It's the people who jump the fence that you've gotta worry about. Oh, but occasionally you've gotta keep an eye on those animals who maybe can't take the cold.'
'Like what?'
'Flamingoes. Most animals you just turn a light on and see if they're doing okay, but don't get me started on them.'
Brad, visibly disturbed, comes from around the corner.
'So what would happen if I started breaking windows?'
I offered Brad a cigarette, we lit up, and I secretly prayed that Dana would be back with the whip before we had a bad case of cops with glocks up our asses.
Within thirty seconds, Dana comes cruising around the corner. I thought to myself, 'Damn, The Man sure does work fast when you're hoping for something like that!'
We out the freshly lit cigarettes and head into the downtown core. I've got an inkling that Brad's thinking about sparking it up in the back with the window open, but Dana learned how to drive from an RCMP officer so the jaunt wasn't that long.
'Oi, take this extra lighter so you can enjoy the rest of that butt.'
'Do we owe you guys anything?'
'Nah, you're cold and you wanna get home. Have a good night, gentlemen.'
So, although Dana's not Buddhist, she's earned six karma points - or whatever her religious designation's Frequent Flyer Program doles out. Five for each of the frozen wedding guests, and one for me.
And what do I get? I'm not sure, but maybe the Council's going a little something like this:
God: He was baptised Catholic, and Catholic he shall remain.
Buddha: Well he's been with my crew for a few years, and I'm alright if he rolls with you too.
God: I am Almighty!
Buddha: I think he'd much rather come back as a dove, don't you?
God: I am...hmm...okay, tell you what. How about this: you reincarnate him as a dove, he'll get released at a Catholic wedding, whereupon I'll send a low-flying plane to grease him, and then I'll send him to purgatory.
Allah: Would anyone like a hot, buttered biscuit?