Hind sight is 20:20
Funny, that I would find myself sitting her at 1:00 in the morning finally updating my LJ with something more than quizzes and random other things. I spent the last 45 minutes reading through some old entries by my friends. It was interesting and scary to see how I've changed, and not changed. I started to see myself as things I never did before, things I didn't and don't want to see myself as. Clingy, obsessive, insensitive, imperceptive, and attention grabbing. I don't know why I feel like putting this in writing for the whole world to see, I'd much rather hide it, but I feel like i have to share it with somebody, whether or not they feel like reading it.
Reading back through those old entries made me think about how I've acted in the past year and over the summer. It made me realize that I have done and not done a lot of things I regret. Said things I wish I hadn't and not said things I wish I had. In the last year, I feel like I have grown up just a little bit, realizing and accepting responsibility for some things I had not before. I can't seem to put my finger it, but something seems scary and somewhat ominous (if that word describes what I'm feeling) right now. I feel like everyone else has grown up around me and I have missed that boat, and grown up on my own completely differently, and that I still remain childish, stupid, and reckless. I just want to grow up and outgrow myself. I want to act like an adult, not so much to be treated as one, but to actually be one, and I feel like im not growing up, just getting older.
That does it, I feel like I said what I wanted to say, and it only took 15 minutes! I hope everyone is sleeping well tonight and is having sweet dreams.
Reading back through those old entries made me think about how I've acted in the past year and over the summer. It made me realize that I have done and not done a lot of things I regret. Said things I wish I hadn't and not said things I wish I had. In the last year, I feel like I have grown up just a little bit, realizing and accepting responsibility for some things I had not before. I can't seem to put my finger it, but something seems scary and somewhat ominous (if that word describes what I'm feeling) right now. I feel like everyone else has grown up around me and I have missed that boat, and grown up on my own completely differently, and that I still remain childish, stupid, and reckless. I just want to grow up and outgrow myself. I want to act like an adult, not so much to be treated as one, but to actually be one, and I feel like im not growing up, just getting older.
That does it, I feel like I said what I wanted to say, and it only took 15 minutes! I hope everyone is sleeping well tonight and is having sweet dreams.