Ashes to ashes...
I knew this was going to happen. You try and tell yourself that your going to sleep well just so that you can muster the confidence to close your eye’s. I saw this coming though; it would be stupid for me to think that it would not…
However, I do not just see her; I see Donny… Or rather, I saw what was left of him after his body had been burned to death. I have the picture of him burned into my mind and it will not leave me alone. So no wonder no one can seem to grasp why it gets to me. I do not know if I feel this way because I could not be there for him, (maybe because I should have been there in his place), and I was able to be there for this girl but it still might not have been enough… I don’t know… I just don’t know…
I see everything happening all over again, just as if I’m right there…
We were driving east on 595 when Terin asked if that was smoke? I had not even taken notice until we were practically right on top of it. The car was in the far right lane of the westbound side. All I could think was that I hope someone’s there to help… but it wasn’t enough to just hope. We went from watching this inferno engulf the car to heading straight for the monster.
Maria is yelling at me to stop so we don’t get to close. I stop the car, jump out the door, and start running for the car with Steve following behind me. I’m running as fast as I can, faster, and faster. I round the corner and there she is. She was being burned alive. Her head was leaning out the window with smoke coming from her hair. Her arms and right leg were also dangling out of the window. She looked like one of those practice dummies you use to imitate people for emergencies; only thing was that she was real.
I thought she was dead… The entire cab was on fire, she was burning inside of it, and I thought she was dead. There was an off duty fire fighter there but he couldn’t get close enough. He told a guy in a motor cycle outfit with protective gear to grab her but he couldn’t do it alone, and then he just disappeared. I tried to grab her and got licked by the flames. I grabbed the handle and it burned but would not open. I tried to unlock the door from the inside but it wouldn’t open… the flames… it was so hot… and she was still trapped inside. I stuck my head in the window trying to reach the belt buckle but it was like the fire knew what I was doing and it spat black smoke, thick black smoke at me and I moved away… god damn me I had to move back.
Steve tried to get her where I couldn’t but was pushed back. Suddenly someone came with a fire extinguisher and started to spray her down trying to keep the fire from taking her. The fire gave for a second, but only for a second. It was so big. The back seat was red with flame and the front dash was just taunting us.
I moved forward again. The off-duty fire fighter moved forward with me. We were trying to find where the belt was caught on her… we couldn’t get to it… we just couldn’t get to it. We pull but she will not come. Again, we get pushed back. She can’t be alive, she can’t.
Jesus Christ, she’s burning, oh Jesus.
Another guy jumps forward. There is no more repellent. He yells for help but cannot get close. I jump forward with Steve on my left and the fire fighter on my right and we grab her as the heat hit’s us. I’m screaming at everyone. “COME ON, PULL. GET HER OUT, LETS GO, COME ON. WE NEED TO MOVE, LETS GO.” She’s starting to come. Everyone starts to pull a little more… we’re getting her… we’re getting her… her chest’s almost through the window… and then… she wakes up!!!
She’s screaming. She’s screaming so loud and it is the most terrible scream. We’re pulling her so hard that I feel we will tear her apart but we can’t let the fire get her. She keeps screaming and we keep pulling until we get her. I’m grabbing her under her arms and I can feel the heat from her body.
We set her down but we’re too close to the car. We can hear it popping as if it’s going to explode and come after us again. We have to move her. We grab her and go, and she screams that scream again. We move 20 feet away and the car is gone; all that is left is the fire…
We set her down and start to stabilize her. We yell for water to anyone that can hear us. We have water in the CRV and Steve runs to get it but the fire’s in between him and the water and I yell to stop and come back. God forbid the fire get him.
The big guy holds her head and neck. I’m taking care of her arms. The medics are there now. We get gloves and start pouring water. Dear god you can hear her skin cool. I move to her right side. I kneel down and she grabs my ankle. I feel my skin burn from the heat of her hand. She pulls away leaving some of her skin melted to mine. Her hands look like melted gloves.
She’s crying and screaming… We keep telling her its okay. “Your okay baby, everything is going to be just fine, your doing very good and we got you now.” I am talking to her; Maria’s talking to her, the big guys talking to her. Maria pours water with Steve and tries to keep her calm. We get the backboard for her. Her skin is separate from her now. Her nostrils are seared, and so are her ears. One of theme is nearly gone and hair is burnt away. She speaks with a bloody mouth, and sees with ashy eyes.
There is blood everywhere. I can’t take the rings off her melted fingers. We try to get some of her clothes off but chunks of it are scorched to the skin. She is losing time and we’re losing her. We get her name and age… She’s only 17… She just got her permit and she hasn’t been driving for that long… She doesn’t deserve this. She is so young; young and scared…
We pour water and get her ready to move… 1-2-3, lift. And just like that, she’s on her way. I watch her go…
Medics, nurses, and fire fighters come to take care of us. They clean up blood, cuts, breathing, and burns. I look at the car that we fought and turn over to cough. I’m seeing Donny in my head… seeing his body. Steve sees me and asks the question. But no, I’m not. I will not go to the hospital, I just want to leave. I shake hands and wish everyone the best. They’re all good people. I’m lucky to have been with good people today.
We drive away and at first, I cannot think of anything that I want to do. I don’t even know how I feel. I can still see her burning, still smell her flesh, and still feel the fire.
I don’t want to go back to sleep. I have 2 exams in just a few hours but she is facing the possibility of dying. I’m trained so I know what her chances are, I know… I do not know what good will have come if she dies. This was not like a movie for me. It was like real life. I just pray this time it was enough.
I looked at Steve and told him that he was a hero today. He’s only 15 but heroism does not know age. Maria and Terin were the heroines. From calling 911, to getting water and treating her, to helping stabilize; we could not have been as effective and saved her life had they not acted. Saved her life… I do not know if we did, but without those three and the people who jumped in that girl would have been burned alive for sure.
So why does that not make me feel better. I just can’t get this shit out of my head. I’m sorry Donny… I’m sorry that it wasn’t me… I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there. I was there today but I don’t know that it was enough. God help her… please
However, I do not just see her; I see Donny… Or rather, I saw what was left of him after his body had been burned to death. I have the picture of him burned into my mind and it will not leave me alone. So no wonder no one can seem to grasp why it gets to me. I do not know if I feel this way because I could not be there for him, (maybe because I should have been there in his place), and I was able to be there for this girl but it still might not have been enough… I don’t know… I just don’t know…
I see everything happening all over again, just as if I’m right there…
We were driving east on 595 when Terin asked if that was smoke? I had not even taken notice until we were practically right on top of it. The car was in the far right lane of the westbound side. All I could think was that I hope someone’s there to help… but it wasn’t enough to just hope. We went from watching this inferno engulf the car to heading straight for the monster.
Maria is yelling at me to stop so we don’t get to close. I stop the car, jump out the door, and start running for the car with Steve following behind me. I’m running as fast as I can, faster, and faster. I round the corner and there she is. She was being burned alive. Her head was leaning out the window with smoke coming from her hair. Her arms and right leg were also dangling out of the window. She looked like one of those practice dummies you use to imitate people for emergencies; only thing was that she was real.
I thought she was dead… The entire cab was on fire, she was burning inside of it, and I thought she was dead. There was an off duty fire fighter there but he couldn’t get close enough. He told a guy in a motor cycle outfit with protective gear to grab her but he couldn’t do it alone, and then he just disappeared. I tried to grab her and got licked by the flames. I grabbed the handle and it burned but would not open. I tried to unlock the door from the inside but it wouldn’t open… the flames… it was so hot… and she was still trapped inside. I stuck my head in the window trying to reach the belt buckle but it was like the fire knew what I was doing and it spat black smoke, thick black smoke at me and I moved away… god damn me I had to move back.
Steve tried to get her where I couldn’t but was pushed back. Suddenly someone came with a fire extinguisher and started to spray her down trying to keep the fire from taking her. The fire gave for a second, but only for a second. It was so big. The back seat was red with flame and the front dash was just taunting us.
I moved forward again. The off-duty fire fighter moved forward with me. We were trying to find where the belt was caught on her… we couldn’t get to it… we just couldn’t get to it. We pull but she will not come. Again, we get pushed back. She can’t be alive, she can’t.
Jesus Christ, she’s burning, oh Jesus.
Another guy jumps forward. There is no more repellent. He yells for help but cannot get close. I jump forward with Steve on my left and the fire fighter on my right and we grab her as the heat hit’s us. I’m screaming at everyone. “COME ON, PULL. GET HER OUT, LETS GO, COME ON. WE NEED TO MOVE, LETS GO.” She’s starting to come. Everyone starts to pull a little more… we’re getting her… we’re getting her… her chest’s almost through the window… and then… she wakes up!!!
She’s screaming. She’s screaming so loud and it is the most terrible scream. We’re pulling her so hard that I feel we will tear her apart but we can’t let the fire get her. She keeps screaming and we keep pulling until we get her. I’m grabbing her under her arms and I can feel the heat from her body.
We set her down but we’re too close to the car. We can hear it popping as if it’s going to explode and come after us again. We have to move her. We grab her and go, and she screams that scream again. We move 20 feet away and the car is gone; all that is left is the fire…
We set her down and start to stabilize her. We yell for water to anyone that can hear us. We have water in the CRV and Steve runs to get it but the fire’s in between him and the water and I yell to stop and come back. God forbid the fire get him.
The big guy holds her head and neck. I’m taking care of her arms. The medics are there now. We get gloves and start pouring water. Dear god you can hear her skin cool. I move to her right side. I kneel down and she grabs my ankle. I feel my skin burn from the heat of her hand. She pulls away leaving some of her skin melted to mine. Her hands look like melted gloves.
She’s crying and screaming… We keep telling her its okay. “Your okay baby, everything is going to be just fine, your doing very good and we got you now.” I am talking to her; Maria’s talking to her, the big guys talking to her. Maria pours water with Steve and tries to keep her calm. We get the backboard for her. Her skin is separate from her now. Her nostrils are seared, and so are her ears. One of theme is nearly gone and hair is burnt away. She speaks with a bloody mouth, and sees with ashy eyes.
There is blood everywhere. I can’t take the rings off her melted fingers. We try to get some of her clothes off but chunks of it are scorched to the skin. She is losing time and we’re losing her. We get her name and age… She’s only 17… She just got her permit and she hasn’t been driving for that long… She doesn’t deserve this. She is so young; young and scared…
We pour water and get her ready to move… 1-2-3, lift. And just like that, she’s on her way. I watch her go…
Medics, nurses, and fire fighters come to take care of us. They clean up blood, cuts, breathing, and burns. I look at the car that we fought and turn over to cough. I’m seeing Donny in my head… seeing his body. Steve sees me and asks the question. But no, I’m not. I will not go to the hospital, I just want to leave. I shake hands and wish everyone the best. They’re all good people. I’m lucky to have been with good people today.
We drive away and at first, I cannot think of anything that I want to do. I don’t even know how I feel. I can still see her burning, still smell her flesh, and still feel the fire.
I don’t want to go back to sleep. I have 2 exams in just a few hours but she is facing the possibility of dying. I’m trained so I know what her chances are, I know… I do not know what good will have come if she dies. This was not like a movie for me. It was like real life. I just pray this time it was enough.
I looked at Steve and told him that he was a hero today. He’s only 15 but heroism does not know age. Maria and Terin were the heroines. From calling 911, to getting water and treating her, to helping stabilize; we could not have been as effective and saved her life had they not acted. Saved her life… I do not know if we did, but without those three and the people who jumped in that girl would have been burned alive for sure.
So why does that not make me feel better. I just can’t get this shit out of my head. I’m sorry Donny… I’m sorry that it wasn’t me… I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there. I was there today but I don’t know that it was enough. God help her… please