As promised: THE LIZARD! Actual folklore in Spain and Mesoamerica (I'm not making this up):

[jomom]

The lizard is thought of to be the most dangerous of all animals. (Think about hell and where a lizard lives, there is a high-low continuim in animals, like birds are super cool.) They attack women more than men. Here is a direct quote from an an anthropologist's informant: "No, the lizard is bad, it's worse than accursed; it's much more

Comments

[damndirtydan]

That's hot. I shoul dbecome a doctor who specializes in having sex with women on their periods who have been infected by the lizard

[jomom]

yeah well its legend for starters. no anthropologist has found first hand accounts of either getting the lizard or saving a girl with one, just knowledge passed down just incase to the medicine people. and besides, if it did happen just like that you risk getting your dick chopped off and it seems there is no way to get out of it without having your dick bit by a lizard, and even though i dont have a dick, i can imagine having little bite marks on it sucks. but, then again, maybe you are the kind of hero they are looking for.
if your girl is kinky, you could get her to stick a toy lizard up there and you can pretend. THAT is hot. but would you bring in the preist with the holy candle?

[jomom]

oh yeah and i forgot - you count as the devil.
BUT you could use this to your advantage - you could go to a border dance with little shoes that make you look like satan (like the gwar boots!) and dance with girls. there are stories about the devil dancing with women in southern texas that date pretty recently. i think i got one in the 90s.