May 17, 2005 19:55
First of all, I'd like to thank you all for the support.
And second, I'd like to let you all know that I'm fine.
You wouldn't think so after the death of a near and dear friend, but I really am. I'm happy to have raised her and she always seemed happy to be near me. I have no regrets. Maybe if I had actually been there to see her go things would have been different. But I wasn't. And I know she went peacefully. She was given gas to calm her and a quick injection. I've watched euthanasia before, and it is just like the animal is drifting off to sleep. My mother spent plenty of time with her the weekend before, which I am thankful for. She also took several videos of her a few weeks ago that she's making a copy of for me.
Max's death just seems like a very personal matter and I'd rather mourn it on my own. But just so you know, no, I am not suffering at all. After the initial shock, the news gave me an odd sense of calm, like everything's going to be okay. She may be gone, but the fact that she was here gives me a sense of hope. And I'm thankful for that.