Hmm...
Well I just got done talking to Michaelyn. She has a thing she has to drive to tomorrow so she's gotta try to sleep as much as she can so that death is not upon her as she's driving. Today we had lunch at taco bell, and that was fun. I wish I were as cool as her, but no. I have to take my dainty, polite-sized bites while in the company of a female because I'm not entirely comfortable with my normal eating habits just yet. Maybe that will change in time though?? I'd like to able to be more 'at ease' but for some reason I just put up an emotional filter when I'm around people, so I don't act the same way I would normally. I can't help it though, because I really just don't have an identity for myself around other people. Obviously when I'm by myself, I have no inhibitions and I can act as casual as I want. But, when you throw in another person into the equation, it's changes my thought process and I instantly become more guarded with what I think/say. It's a good thing to an extent, but in it's extreme, I completely betray who I am and what I'm really like. Is it possible that in the neverending human struggle to be accepted by our peers and fellow beings, I am so afraid that who I truly am will be rejected? And so, by putting on a false show, at least I can have the dignity to fall back on what I really am when what I am not, fails? If this is the case, I truly hope that I may find a companion in life who allows me to be myself without judgement so that I don't have to hide my true feelings anymore.