A LETTER TO SOMEONE WHO WILL PROBABLY NEVER READ IT (A LETTER FOR MY SAKE);
Dear you,
I would call you out, but I know you'd get all pissed and whiney like a twelve-year-old girl about me calling you out instead of owning up to your actions like a twenty-one year old adult man, so I won't-- but you know who you are. You have treated me worse than I have ever been treated in my life. You treated me like dirt, like a piece of someone else's gum stuck onto the bottom of your shoe. You were a massive factor in the ending of my two-year relationship. You lead me on, sucked me in, and wrapped me up in order to stroke your own ego with my affection, and I was enough of a naive idiot to fall in love. You coaxed me into a vulnerable place over the course of seven months, you pressured me into sleeping with you, and then FOUR DAYS after I finally consented, after I gave you my heart, carefully wrapped up and with many many warnings-- you smashed it with a hammer and threw it in the bin.
You knew everything I was going through and you were the person I trusted the most with my secrets, with my honesty-- and you didn't even respectfully dump me. You told me you wanted to just be friends and yet you continued to turn up at my house late at night, drunk, and tell me how much you didn't love me as you tried to get into my pants. I tolerated a lot from you. I continued to be your supportive and loyal friend while completely failing to understand why you didn't want more than that-- and why you had so suddenly changed your mind after seven months of dedicated woo-ing. I told myself you were just trying to be a good person, a good Christian man, to respect the God you claim to be so devoted to. I convinced myself that you were well-meaning, if not incredibly misguided. Then, two days after you had sworn up and down to me-- in my bed, no less!-- that you were just unable to be in a relationship, unable to be with anyone at all, you told one of my best friends (Are you stupid? How stupid are you?!) that you were sleeping with someone else. And that la-dee-dah, she was wonderful. Understandably, I snapped. I asked you to never speak to me again, to avoid me, to give me space.
Did you give me this space? Absolutely not. You didn't even respect me enough to let me get over you in peace. Every time you saw me for months you attempted to catch my eye, to talk to me, to get my attention. You are so self-centered and immature that you couldn't even give me that small wish, to be left alone. There is no one in the world I know personally that I think less of than you.
Now here's the big moment, here's the point in the letter where the climax appears, where things take a sharp turn: I forgive you. I forgive you for everything. In fact, I thank you. Thank you, for teaching me a valuable lesson about humanity. Thank you for showing me that trustworthy, loyal and caring friends (note: not you) are so very precious and that I need to hold onto them as much as I can. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to grow and mature into the individual that I am today. Thank you for teaching me that harboring anger and hurt will only lead to more anger and hurt. Thank you for giving me the experience of holding in this anger and hurt for six long months-- and for permitting me the beautiful, glorious, freeing experience of letting it all go. In short, thank you for being such a scumbag! Without you and your dickwad actions and complete disregard for my feelings, my well-being, and my dignity, I would not be the independent, capable, confident woman of twenty that I am today. Thanks to you, I am ready to move on to my next relationship (whenever and with whomever that may be) with a grace and awareness I would never have been able to manage without you. So, honestly, thanks!
Without hate or resentment; with peace and self-reliance,
Tess // jolteons
P.S. Also, just FYI, because I can't miss this opportunity to let you and the world know: you have a small dick. Yep. I just went there. Sucks to be you, mate!