jhscvhfjkf fhghk hgvhkgv Blah.
Ignore the following. I'm just being dumb.
Lots of stress lately. I feel like I'm gonna break at some point. I really wanna be done with midterms. Been letting my friends down, and I feel like there's nothing I can do. I just wanna curl up and stop thinking about things.
Honestly, I'm surprised I've been able to stave off a panic attack. It's been a while. And yes, I'm okay. Theres' no need to get all "jdjckhjdshcv" over this. It's just my usual getting down on myself and life etc etc.
I don't know. I know I'm letting my friends down. I should be doing more but I kind of feel stuck. Like there's so much I don't even know how or where to begin. So I just do nothing. And it's selfish. And I don't feel good about it, but part of me just wants everyone to leave me alone until I have things sorted out.
I need to mail some stuff. But you know... I feel like going for a walk. I wanna sit down on the bridge over the spot where the lake gets narrow and listen to music and watch the water. And worry about falling in or losing my shoe. Which is silly because I wear boots, but I still think about it. Most of all I want a fucking hug. Jesus Christ it's been... I can't even remember the last time someone hugged me. I know I put up this strong front. "Don't Touch me I'll rip your arms off". And for the most part I hate it. But sometimes... I don't know. Even someone like me needs to be told that they're loved. I know I am. But still, it's nice to be told. Even if I haven't been doing much to merit it lately.
The School Days OST Helps. It's really pretty.
Anyway, I'll get over this. There are people who need me to be happy. I'm not much use to people when I'm all down and angsty.