What's going on?
Nothing... Not a goddamn thing. Think of the most boring time you've ever had in your life. Now tell me about it, it'll keep me entertained.
I'm using my extra time productively, though. I've joined a band called twitch. I'm writing a book ( I've gotten 50 pages done so far.) I also enjoy watching movies and getting stoned with my roommate Gary. Nice guy, very homophobic. Most men up here are. It's taken to new extremes up here. I remember when we got so ripped, I was on the floor in the bathroom, putting black and white makeup on, and I had no idea how I got there. Then I stood up, forgot I had makeup on, and went back to join the party. Everything just stopped. The music, the talking. I had no idea what was going on. They wouldn't talk to me for a week after that.
I'm working at the mall's Orange Julius. I think I may be able to get another job here soon at Teleperformance, a telemarketing company. I also pester the management of Video excitement at least twice a week, sometimes more. I think they might hire me just to shut me up. Umm...I spend one night out of every week over at my mother's. That's where I am now. I sleep on a really strange schedule. 2-3 hrs a night, usually from like 7am to 10 am or so. I've lost some weight, but my goal is to go back in a couple of years thin. I've never been thin before, so I want to see what that's like. I went on a date. She was extremely boring. I forget her name...Tashya or something like that I think....Saw a black person the other day, that was kind of exciting, haven't seen any ethnicity in a while...
Oh here's something. My mom rents the upper story of this guys house for the few months she's down off the mountain. He believes that the pope is an alien, and the world is going to end on June 13. He's recently taken to boarding up all of the windows. So that's new.
I don't miss my old life. I look back and see that it was pretty brutal. I had no respect for myself or from anyone, just pity. Who wants to live like that? But there are things I'm going to miss these next couple of years. Late nights watching and berating movies with Steph. Spending as much time as I could with Jon, doing anything we could think of. Watching Liana progressively become inebriated. Playing in garages with Richard. Joe head-butting my arm. Getting high with Mandy. Helen.I may come to visit. I may do some of these things again. But...never the same. never with the same emotions, the same struggles. Maybe I'll enjoy better things with these people. Maybe part of aging is accepting that you can go home, but it's never the same home. Always changing....I tried for so many years to hold on to the only happiness the world had ever given me up to that point. I tried really hard. God I lost everything, even my sense of self, and still I wouldn't give up that struggle to hold on. But in the end the house always wins. Time and change are the only sure things, and I couldn't stop them...I tried...I tried so hard.
Hold on a minute
So, here we are. Our childhoods, for better or worse, are gone. No matter how much we want the time back, a chance to do things better, that's all behind us. Only memories, and only real to those who remember them. Now, we keep moving. Time and change are the only sure things. Now it's on to the world of tax returns, family, careers, propecia, viagra, arthritis, high school reunions, prostate exams, singles bars, light rock stations, discovering we're no longer cool, legal drinking, minivans, and eventually a shitty little heart-attack to cap off a shitty little life. My only hope is that I have a hidden love for Kenny G and little league games. Kill me now.
I'm using my extra time productively, though. I've joined a band called twitch. I'm writing a book ( I've gotten 50 pages done so far.) I also enjoy watching movies and getting stoned with my roommate Gary. Nice guy, very homophobic. Most men up here are. It's taken to new extremes up here. I remember when we got so ripped, I was on the floor in the bathroom, putting black and white makeup on, and I had no idea how I got there. Then I stood up, forgot I had makeup on, and went back to join the party. Everything just stopped. The music, the talking. I had no idea what was going on. They wouldn't talk to me for a week after that.
I'm working at the mall's Orange Julius. I think I may be able to get another job here soon at Teleperformance, a telemarketing company. I also pester the management of Video excitement at least twice a week, sometimes more. I think they might hire me just to shut me up. Umm...I spend one night out of every week over at my mother's. That's where I am now. I sleep on a really strange schedule. 2-3 hrs a night, usually from like 7am to 10 am or so. I've lost some weight, but my goal is to go back in a couple of years thin. I've never been thin before, so I want to see what that's like. I went on a date. She was extremely boring. I forget her name...Tashya or something like that I think....Saw a black person the other day, that was kind of exciting, haven't seen any ethnicity in a while...
Oh here's something. My mom rents the upper story of this guys house for the few months she's down off the mountain. He believes that the pope is an alien, and the world is going to end on June 13. He's recently taken to boarding up all of the windows. So that's new.
I don't miss my old life. I look back and see that it was pretty brutal. I had no respect for myself or from anyone, just pity. Who wants to live like that? But there are things I'm going to miss these next couple of years. Late nights watching and berating movies with Steph. Spending as much time as I could with Jon, doing anything we could think of. Watching Liana progressively become inebriated. Playing in garages with Richard. Joe head-butting my arm. Getting high with Mandy. Helen.I may come to visit. I may do some of these things again. But...never the same. never with the same emotions, the same struggles. Maybe I'll enjoy better things with these people. Maybe part of aging is accepting that you can go home, but it's never the same home. Always changing....I tried for so many years to hold on to the only happiness the world had ever given me up to that point. I tried really hard. God I lost everything, even my sense of self, and still I wouldn't give up that struggle to hold on. But in the end the house always wins. Time and change are the only sure things, and I couldn't stop them...I tried...I tried so hard.
Hold on a minute
So, here we are. Our childhoods, for better or worse, are gone. No matter how much we want the time back, a chance to do things better, that's all behind us. Only memories, and only real to those who remember them. Now, we keep moving. Time and change are the only sure things. Now it's on to the world of tax returns, family, careers, propecia, viagra, arthritis, high school reunions, prostate exams, singles bars, light rock stations, discovering we're no longer cool, legal drinking, minivans, and eventually a shitty little heart-attack to cap off a shitty little life. My only hope is that I have a hidden love for Kenny G and little league games. Kill me now.