gay
i'm pretty sure..i have no friends on here.
and i'm really beginning to hate livejournal, even though I don't use it.
that's fine.
brb, i'm gonna make some tea.
done.
instant tea is BEYOND awesome.
and i joined a facebook group about grapes today...mmm. I love grapes.
Basically, this entry is going to be excessively long, because I haven't updated in forever, and I've had a bad week.
Since my last entry..it's unbelievable how much I've changed. First off, I'm going to college in a few months. Everyone questions my motives..but seriously, FUCK YOU. You think I'm going to college because of Ben? Yes? FUCK YOU. I fucking hate you.
Next. I guess this is what happens when you get older. It's like your friends are passed through a sieve...and as you mature/get older..you can only stay friends with so many of them. The others just become "the past" and aren't really much of your lives. So that being said, I have a thousand more 'acquaintances' this year..but I've lost a handful of friends. It's depressing in someways, and in others, a relief.
I really think a lot of my friends/ex-friends need to grow up. Most of us are going to college next year, or into their last year of highschool. Many will become legal adults. Many will be paying bills and taxes and discovering many of the 'problems' of the real world. Your dramatic shit is exactly that, shit. Furthermore, social casts aren't "cool" and for "fun" anymore. Your social life can very well affect your work prospects. I don't want to list names in here...but every decision you choose to make about your physical appearance, whether it be clothes, hair, makeup, jewelry, etc, will have a dramatic affect on your life. You guys are so intelligent..why are you limiting your opportunities for a ridiculous fashion trend.
Moreso on the topic of friends again .. when I go to college, I will pretty much not stay in contact with any of you. None of the people who can physically read this blog (my LJ is still friends only..) and none of the people who can't read this blog either way. It's not like I've actively, mentally, made this decision..its a matter of fact. I find it depressing, even now. The friends which were once so close to me are people that I don't recognize.
I had a depressing night yesterday. I was driven to do things..I normally wouldn't do. Again, my life is dramatically altered. I don't know..I can't choose whether I want to/don't want to change them back. I'd like to try out new things...but I may rather have stability. I have no idea.
My brother's gone. I'm extremely upset about it. I hope he's happy. He has a puppy now....
Back to the subject before this...mmmm. When do you know where to stop? Why can't someone tell me..if I've made a wrong decision or not. It's times like these..when I wish I was one of those people who've experienced 'miracles by the words of God.' Maybe then..maybe I'll believe.
Is it bad to say that I hate myself? I had the first relapse of near-suicidalness since 7th-8th grade two weeks ago. That shit better not be coming back ever again.
I just happen to fuck up all the goodness in my life to an unreturnable level. But then on the otherhand, things don't necessarily fall in my lap. There are people..no names mentioned yet again, but assume it's you, because it probably is, that assume really fucking retarded shit about me. These people struggle to maintain a close group of friends and talk shit about nearly everyone who he/she has once befriended. That bothers me.
That whole entry was extremely corny and emo..but I don't think it's possible to make a facebook entry that's not corny or emo..unless it's celebratorial, and it's definitely not that.
Ciao, my friends.
I hope none of you ever actually login to read this entry.
I can't wait for Holy Cross..to start my life anew.
and i'm really beginning to hate livejournal, even though I don't use it.
that's fine.
brb, i'm gonna make some tea.
done.
instant tea is BEYOND awesome.
and i joined a facebook group about grapes today...mmm. I love grapes.
Basically, this entry is going to be excessively long, because I haven't updated in forever, and I've had a bad week.
Since my last entry..it's unbelievable how much I've changed. First off, I'm going to college in a few months. Everyone questions my motives..but seriously, FUCK YOU. You think I'm going to college because of Ben? Yes? FUCK YOU. I fucking hate you.
Next. I guess this is what happens when you get older. It's like your friends are passed through a sieve...and as you mature/get older..you can only stay friends with so many of them. The others just become "the past" and aren't really much of your lives. So that being said, I have a thousand more 'acquaintances' this year..but I've lost a handful of friends. It's depressing in someways, and in others, a relief.
I really think a lot of my friends/ex-friends need to grow up. Most of us are going to college next year, or into their last year of highschool. Many will become legal adults. Many will be paying bills and taxes and discovering many of the 'problems' of the real world. Your dramatic shit is exactly that, shit. Furthermore, social casts aren't "cool" and for "fun" anymore. Your social life can very well affect your work prospects. I don't want to list names in here...but every decision you choose to make about your physical appearance, whether it be clothes, hair, makeup, jewelry, etc, will have a dramatic affect on your life. You guys are so intelligent..why are you limiting your opportunities for a ridiculous fashion trend.
Moreso on the topic of friends again .. when I go to college, I will pretty much not stay in contact with any of you. None of the people who can physically read this blog (my LJ is still friends only..) and none of the people who can't read this blog either way. It's not like I've actively, mentally, made this decision..its a matter of fact. I find it depressing, even now. The friends which were once so close to me are people that I don't recognize.
I had a depressing night yesterday. I was driven to do things..I normally wouldn't do. Again, my life is dramatically altered. I don't know..I can't choose whether I want to/don't want to change them back. I'd like to try out new things...but I may rather have stability. I have no idea.
My brother's gone. I'm extremely upset about it. I hope he's happy. He has a puppy now....
Back to the subject before this...mmmm. When do you know where to stop? Why can't someone tell me..if I've made a wrong decision or not. It's times like these..when I wish I was one of those people who've experienced 'miracles by the words of God.' Maybe then..maybe I'll believe.
Is it bad to say that I hate myself? I had the first relapse of near-suicidalness since 7th-8th grade two weeks ago. That shit better not be coming back ever again.
I just happen to fuck up all the goodness in my life to an unreturnable level. But then on the otherhand, things don't necessarily fall in my lap. There are people..no names mentioned yet again, but assume it's you, because it probably is, that assume really fucking retarded shit about me. These people struggle to maintain a close group of friends and talk shit about nearly everyone who he/she has once befriended. That bothers me.
That whole entry was extremely corny and emo..but I don't think it's possible to make a facebook entry that's not corny or emo..unless it's celebratorial, and it's definitely not that.
Ciao, my friends.
I hope none of you ever actually login to read this entry.
I can't wait for Holy Cross..to start my life anew.