Hmmmmm
Ok, two things on my mind. First, my son won his school spelling bee and he's in the county bee next week. I'm going to have to miss class for it next Monday. The best part is, when I e-mailed my instructor to pass it by him (the only reason I asked is because he's discussing an important assignment that same night), he e-mailed me back a one-line answer: If you come to class next week, I will give you an F.
How sweet is that????
Next thing on my mind isn't quite so important, but I thought it would be fun to share anyway.
If me talking about my period doesn't make you uncomfortable, then
I’d like to play a game. I’m going to mention some words or phrases and you’re going to guess what I’m talking about. Are you with me? Ok, here we go: The painters and decorators are in, The Crimson Tide, Aunt Flo(w), The Curse, The Gift, Code red, Old Faithful, Monthly, Red River blues, Sitting on a sock, On the rag. How about the word period? Ah yes. By now you must know I mean that time of the month during which the (human) female body sloughs its uterine lining and begins another month of preparing for pregnancy. It is medically known as menstruation, but nobody calls it that. Every woman has her (and even some men have their) little phrase for it. As for me, I call it “Bleeding like a stuck pig.”
Now don’t get all awkward and shy with me. Everyone knows about it. Everyone talks about it. It’s a fact of life. Every woman remembers her first one, usually with a bit of embarrassment at how they discovered this fact of life. Some women call it “The Gift,” which I believe is ludicrous. How can blood and menses oozing from your most private place for 3-7 days be a gift? Who in their right mind would consider it a privilege to have cramps and backaches and sleepless nights for one week of the month?
Apparently, the company that manufacturers the Always pads think that a woman’s monthly cycle is in the same genre as national holidays. Let me explain. About two months ago, when it was ‘that time of the month’ for me, I opened up my pack of pads and found that the company had added the phrase, “Have a happy period!” to the little paper tabs that keeps the pad from sticking to things. I laughed hysterically at first and showed it to Audrea, my partner and roommate, giving it to her as a ‘gift.’ She thought I had lost my marbles and promptly threw it away.
Now I just get angry when I see that. My experience with my period is this: I usually get grumpy, emotional and irrational the week before my period. I also have, at times, back pain and bloating. My fingers and feet will swell so badly that I can barely fit them into their appropriate wear. Sometimes, I break out with pimples on my face and other awkward places. Then the week during which I bleed brings me such ‘gifts’ as constantly being overly tired, having cramps that make me want to stay home in bed (and close to a bathroom) all day, diarrhea (yes, I said it), having to wear a pad AND a tampon, not to mention changing them almost hourly for the first two days and, finally, a constant insecurity that I have somehow bled through my pants.
Now, you tell me, how can anyone in their right mind put a phrase like ‘have a happy period’ on their pads, as if it were a thing to be celebrated? Yes, I’m happy I’m not pregnant, but there really wasn’t any chance of that happening in the first place. There are many women out there that have worse experiences than I do with their periods. I know of one woman, for example, that would bleed for two weeks straight if it were not for birth control pills. She also has times of the month when she oozes out more than just blood, if you know what I mean. When she was in her early teens, she said that she would hurt from her waist to her knees during her period. How pleasant is that? Don’t you just want to stand up and celebrate her happy day? How about we have a party for her?
You know what all this means, don’t you?
I’ll tell you what it means. It means that the person whose bright idea it was to put the moronic phrase of “Have a Happy Period!” on there was none other than a MAN!
Hope you enjoyed that. I had fun writing it, and I feel better now that I've said my peace.
Jollie out.
How sweet is that????
Next thing on my mind isn't quite so important, but I thought it would be fun to share anyway.
If me talking about my period doesn't make you uncomfortable, then
I’d like to play a game. I’m going to mention some words or phrases and you’re going to guess what I’m talking about. Are you with me? Ok, here we go: The painters and decorators are in, The Crimson Tide, Aunt Flo(w), The Curse, The Gift, Code red, Old Faithful, Monthly, Red River blues, Sitting on a sock, On the rag. How about the word period? Ah yes. By now you must know I mean that time of the month during which the (human) female body sloughs its uterine lining and begins another month of preparing for pregnancy. It is medically known as menstruation, but nobody calls it that. Every woman has her (and even some men have their) little phrase for it. As for me, I call it “Bleeding like a stuck pig.”
Now don’t get all awkward and shy with me. Everyone knows about it. Everyone talks about it. It’s a fact of life. Every woman remembers her first one, usually with a bit of embarrassment at how they discovered this fact of life. Some women call it “The Gift,” which I believe is ludicrous. How can blood and menses oozing from your most private place for 3-7 days be a gift? Who in their right mind would consider it a privilege to have cramps and backaches and sleepless nights for one week of the month?
Apparently, the company that manufacturers the Always pads think that a woman’s monthly cycle is in the same genre as national holidays. Let me explain. About two months ago, when it was ‘that time of the month’ for me, I opened up my pack of pads and found that the company had added the phrase, “Have a happy period!” to the little paper tabs that keeps the pad from sticking to things. I laughed hysterically at first and showed it to Audrea, my partner and roommate, giving it to her as a ‘gift.’ She thought I had lost my marbles and promptly threw it away.
Now I just get angry when I see that. My experience with my period is this: I usually get grumpy, emotional and irrational the week before my period. I also have, at times, back pain and bloating. My fingers and feet will swell so badly that I can barely fit them into their appropriate wear. Sometimes, I break out with pimples on my face and other awkward places. Then the week during which I bleed brings me such ‘gifts’ as constantly being overly tired, having cramps that make me want to stay home in bed (and close to a bathroom) all day, diarrhea (yes, I said it), having to wear a pad AND a tampon, not to mention changing them almost hourly for the first two days and, finally, a constant insecurity that I have somehow bled through my pants.
Now, you tell me, how can anyone in their right mind put a phrase like ‘have a happy period’ on their pads, as if it were a thing to be celebrated? Yes, I’m happy I’m not pregnant, but there really wasn’t any chance of that happening in the first place. There are many women out there that have worse experiences than I do with their periods. I know of one woman, for example, that would bleed for two weeks straight if it were not for birth control pills. She also has times of the month when she oozes out more than just blood, if you know what I mean. When she was in her early teens, she said that she would hurt from her waist to her knees during her period. How pleasant is that? Don’t you just want to stand up and celebrate her happy day? How about we have a party for her?
You know what all this means, don’t you?
I’ll tell you what it means. It means that the person whose bright idea it was to put the moronic phrase of “Have a Happy Period!” on there was none other than a MAN!
Hope you enjoyed that. I had fun writing it, and I feel better now that I've said my peace.
Jollie out.