so late
i slept too much today...just feeling generally fatigued. last month, i noticed a growth on my throat, and after doing some research, i am convinced i have lithium-induced hypothyroidism. i'm setting up an appointment tomorrow. weird...symptoms of hypothyroidism include fatigue, depression, anxiety, goiter (the growth on the neck - sexay!), acne (yes), hair falling out (yes). all of these things that i just took as normal. isn't that odd? that i wouldn't think anything of my hair falling out in clumps?
but this makes me hopeful...perhaps after treatment the endocrinologist gives me for this problem, my depression will clear up. perhaps all these years, we thought that i was insane, and here it's just a thyroid problem. though i did have my thyroid tested a few years back, with no problems reported, so the secondary scenario (still full of hope) is that once i'm given treatment for the hypothyroidism, and everything's all balanced out, my medications will finally kick in and i'll feel so much better.
things have been very frustrating lately. i feel like no one understands me, and that no one likes me because i'm weird. i feel like john thinks i'm lazy and unmotivated. and when i type blogs like this, i worry that people think i'm self-centered and selfish (and i am). it's just hard to think of anything else when my brain doesn't let me. how can i be lazy when i obsessively search out remedies and therapies online, new ways of thinking about the same old thing, searching in vain on yahoo for stupid things like "how to like people" or "not everyone hates me" so that i can convince myself. but, duh, there aren't any articles like that online.
i meditated for a little while tonight, but it's difficult to get my brain to slow down. i think i'm going to snag one of john's xanax.
but this makes me hopeful...perhaps after treatment the endocrinologist gives me for this problem, my depression will clear up. perhaps all these years, we thought that i was insane, and here it's just a thyroid problem. though i did have my thyroid tested a few years back, with no problems reported, so the secondary scenario (still full of hope) is that once i'm given treatment for the hypothyroidism, and everything's all balanced out, my medications will finally kick in and i'll feel so much better.
things have been very frustrating lately. i feel like no one understands me, and that no one likes me because i'm weird. i feel like john thinks i'm lazy and unmotivated. and when i type blogs like this, i worry that people think i'm self-centered and selfish (and i am). it's just hard to think of anything else when my brain doesn't let me. how can i be lazy when i obsessively search out remedies and therapies online, new ways of thinking about the same old thing, searching in vain on yahoo for stupid things like "how to like people" or "not everyone hates me" so that i can convince myself. but, duh, there aren't any articles like that online.
i meditated for a little while tonight, but it's difficult to get my brain to slow down. i think i'm going to snag one of john's xanax.