All I wanna do is be with you, be with you...
I am a sad person. I don't know why, I don't know what to do about it, and it sucks. I feel really lonely and sad and distant from everyone and everything. I feel like I am annoying and stupid and mean, and I dislike myself. I wish I were different. I wish I were rich. I wish I had done things differently. I don't feel like doing anything, but I want to do so much. I don't know.
I'm afraid that Cat and Britt don't like me anymore because I am crazy and want things to be done a certain way, and because I get annoyed sometimes with things and it makes me mean. We don't really hang out ever because everyone has different schedules, and when we're all home everyone's always in their own rooms, and even though that's not my fault I feel like they don't want to hang out with me. And Bridget and Alex never hang out... well, Alex and I hang out a lot, actually, but Bridget's always at work/sleeping/with other friends/alone in her room. It makes me sad.
Aeron came over today and we watched HSM3. It's really depressing that I haven't seen him in like, 4 months. I'm glad he came over, but he did his thing where he says he'll hang out with me and then he drops off the face of the earth. We were going to Rawk Band, but he never showed up, and Kelly was all "noooo I don't wanna play bleh" so that was lame. Whatevs, I'm getting used to her never doing things.
Yesterday we celebrated my mom's birthday, which is tomorrow/today, the 19th. We all hung out and went to eat and stuff. It was nice. Unfortunately I have no money because I never work ever, and I had to call out the one day I had this week because Kelly sucks so freaking hard. God, it makes me so angry. Everyone sucks so freaking much.
I'm so tired of feeling like this. I am so angry and annoyed all the time, and that makes me sad and listless and hopeless. I don't even know what the point is. I am so depressed, and so unhappy, and so freaking mad all the time. I can't deal with anything anymore. I don't know what to do. All that keeps me going is James, sleep, and the time I spend gazing blankly at a TV or computer screen, just not being part of life anymore.
I am so tired.
I'm afraid that Cat and Britt don't like me anymore because I am crazy and want things to be done a certain way, and because I get annoyed sometimes with things and it makes me mean. We don't really hang out ever because everyone has different schedules, and when we're all home everyone's always in their own rooms, and even though that's not my fault I feel like they don't want to hang out with me. And Bridget and Alex never hang out... well, Alex and I hang out a lot, actually, but Bridget's always at work/sleeping/with other friends/alone in her room. It makes me sad.
Aeron came over today and we watched HSM3. It's really depressing that I haven't seen him in like, 4 months. I'm glad he came over, but he did his thing where he says he'll hang out with me and then he drops off the face of the earth. We were going to Rawk Band, but he never showed up, and Kelly was all "noooo I don't wanna play bleh" so that was lame. Whatevs, I'm getting used to her never doing things.
Yesterday we celebrated my mom's birthday, which is tomorrow/today, the 19th. We all hung out and went to eat and stuff. It was nice. Unfortunately I have no money because I never work ever, and I had to call out the one day I had this week because Kelly sucks so freaking hard. God, it makes me so angry. Everyone sucks so freaking much.
I'm so tired of feeling like this. I am so angry and annoyed all the time, and that makes me sad and listless and hopeless. I don't even know what the point is. I am so depressed, and so unhappy, and so freaking mad all the time. I can't deal with anything anymore. I don't know what to do. All that keeps me going is James, sleep, and the time I spend gazing blankly at a TV or computer screen, just not being part of life anymore.
I am so tired.