I don't have a sad or crazy icon. O_o
I know you guys are getting tired of me complaining and being depressed and all that, and so am I. I am getting really sick of feeling like this all the time. I just want to turn my brain off for a while.
I feel like I am literally losing it. I can feel something - I'm not sure what - slipping away from me. I am near tears almost constantly, but they never fall. My mind is whirling with thoughts that I can't tell anyone because they make no sense. I feel like I am drowning, almost literally. I don't feel like there's anyone I can really talk to about all this, and I can't afford a therapist... so I'm stuck with all my crazy on my own.
I'm depressed because I don't have a job, I owe about $3000 total spread out among nearly everyone I know, I don't have my own car, I live at home, and I'm not in school. I feel like I am letting everyone down and no one likes me anymore. I feel like I can never measure up to my friends and my sisters, and nothing I do is ever good enough, and my parents are always criticizing me and being let down by me... and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm not smart, I'm not talented, and I'm not grown up yet.
I have so many issues on top of that - the drugs/drinking thing, my body image is all screwed up... I feel really gross, and I can't stop eating 'cause I eat to feel better, but I can't make myself throw up either. I've tried. I don't know why my body won't do it. -_- I feel like if I have a flat stomach and thinner thighs and I get a tan and learn how to apply makeup, my boyfriend won't look at porn anymore and/or I can be okay with it. I am paranoid and scared all the time and I wonder how much of my crazy came from what happened to me as a kid. I still don't even know if I can say it outloud if James isn't there holding me, or if I can tell anyone else... but I blame my cousin and that day ten years ago for a lot of what is wrong with me today.
I seriously just feel like I am going insane. I don't have anyone to talk to and I just feel like I am drowning here. I need some serious help, or I am going to lose the only thing in my life that makes it worth living. James is my whole reason for getting up in the morning, and the only thing keeping me from driving my car into a tree or something.
Sorry guys. I doubt anyone bothered to read this, but if you did, thanks. <3 I'll try not to complain anymore. I just feel really low right now.
I feel like I am literally losing it. I can feel something - I'm not sure what - slipping away from me. I am near tears almost constantly, but they never fall. My mind is whirling with thoughts that I can't tell anyone because they make no sense. I feel like I am drowning, almost literally. I don't feel like there's anyone I can really talk to about all this, and I can't afford a therapist... so I'm stuck with all my crazy on my own.
I'm depressed because I don't have a job, I owe about $3000 total spread out among nearly everyone I know, I don't have my own car, I live at home, and I'm not in school. I feel like I am letting everyone down and no one likes me anymore. I feel like I can never measure up to my friends and my sisters, and nothing I do is ever good enough, and my parents are always criticizing me and being let down by me... and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm not smart, I'm not talented, and I'm not grown up yet.
I have so many issues on top of that - the drugs/drinking thing, my body image is all screwed up... I feel really gross, and I can't stop eating 'cause I eat to feel better, but I can't make myself throw up either. I've tried. I don't know why my body won't do it. -_- I feel like if I have a flat stomach and thinner thighs and I get a tan and learn how to apply makeup, my boyfriend won't look at porn anymore and/or I can be okay with it. I am paranoid and scared all the time and I wonder how much of my crazy came from what happened to me as a kid. I still don't even know if I can say it outloud if James isn't there holding me, or if I can tell anyone else... but I blame my cousin and that day ten years ago for a lot of what is wrong with me today.
I seriously just feel like I am going insane. I don't have anyone to talk to and I just feel like I am drowning here. I need some serious help, or I am going to lose the only thing in my life that makes it worth living. James is my whole reason for getting up in the morning, and the only thing keeping me from driving my car into a tree or something.
Sorry guys. I doubt anyone bothered to read this, but if you did, thanks. <3 I'll try not to complain anymore. I just feel really low right now.