Good Job bad employee, and the dream that wont stop...
Well today I feel like crap. **edit it’s a long entry but it’s one that actually says how I feel an actual journal entry so if you read it you will know how I feel right now.**
Warped tour came and went and of course I had some fun but...in cases of heat I get really irritated. My sister drained money I didn’t have cause of course she doesn’t work I don’t expect her to have a lot of money but she takes things for granted and I don’t think she really realizes that my family doesn’t make a lot of money, and has no real sense of its value. I still love her.
So near the end of that day I was just so irritated by so many factors and may have took my anger out on the wrong people...I mean I stayed quit as to not say something I would regret and not be able to take back., but may have made me appear to be more of an asshole. I hope I am forgiven. for my little tantrum. And then I miss a scavenger hunt that I really wanted to go to but got into a fight I rather not go in detail about but: you know who you are I cant believe you thought that and I don’t think I have to really explain how I feel and you should completely understand my point of view and let me be, and allow me to live it up while I have no real responsibility, you had your day let me have mine. And sorry if you feel that way but you knew it would be this way from the beginning, and that’s all I will say about the subject, if you don’t see it my way then maybe you are right.
Now for today.....lately I have had this one dream where two brothers were in the roman times during a war...and it changed a little here and there..the time, area, and weapon. Yes weapon. I can’t really remember the names but the faces are vivid. The older brother wanted to save the younger, since he was suppose to die so the older one sacrifices his own life to save his younger brother...but he fails and goes back and tries to save him again but with each attempt he makes his brother dies in a more horrible way since he could never get there in time.... (1st time) he gets his neck broken in a fight (2 time) he is stabbed with a sword in the chest. (3 time) the older brother hangs himself as his younger brother approaches the door to save HIM and he is shot in the face. Again the older one sees his brother die and his murder turns around to shoot him from the roof (it was open as if it collapsed due to the war)....but then I turn into the older brother right before the bullets hit me. and wake up. I don’t get it but felt that no matter what he did to save him he just failed and I remember his feelings...of course I guess they were mine. I unno if anyone can figure this out let me know.
its kind of how I feel at cingular though I mean whatever I do I don’t feel good enough though like I am not part of the team...I mean I don’t know all the answers and collectively... I still have worked less then 2 weeks out of the total 3 1/2 I have worked since I work only 3 days a week. but they are so many rules that change, exceptions, and forms that must be done a certain way...I try to do well. but Ii feel I will never be good enough where as best buy I knew exactly what to do what everything did. I feel like a failure. I try to do good I ask questions but I feel I only burden the others. Micah doesn’t say but I can see it in his eyes...Scott says if I have questions ask then ridicules me when I do or insinuates my inquiry is invalid as if I am just stupid. Brandon is the only supportive one that when I ask a question helps out and genuinely seems to understand. but being sick today with whatever while everyone smokes makes me feel like come on guys you know I am sick but you keep me out here when I need help to answer questions. or whatever shall happen....maybe I will get better but my fear is that I won’t.
Man this was long....sorry, but if you read all of it i am glad but i dont expect most to. :(
Warped tour came and went and of course I had some fun but...in cases of heat I get really irritated. My sister drained money I didn’t have cause of course she doesn’t work I don’t expect her to have a lot of money but she takes things for granted and I don’t think she really realizes that my family doesn’t make a lot of money, and has no real sense of its value. I still love her.
So near the end of that day I was just so irritated by so many factors and may have took my anger out on the wrong people...I mean I stayed quit as to not say something I would regret and not be able to take back., but may have made me appear to be more of an asshole. I hope I am forgiven. for my little tantrum. And then I miss a scavenger hunt that I really wanted to go to but got into a fight I rather not go in detail about but: you know who you are I cant believe you thought that and I don’t think I have to really explain how I feel and you should completely understand my point of view and let me be, and allow me to live it up while I have no real responsibility, you had your day let me have mine. And sorry if you feel that way but you knew it would be this way from the beginning, and that’s all I will say about the subject, if you don’t see it my way then maybe you are right.
Now for today.....lately I have had this one dream where two brothers were in the roman times during a war...and it changed a little here and there..the time, area, and weapon. Yes weapon. I can’t really remember the names but the faces are vivid. The older brother wanted to save the younger, since he was suppose to die so the older one sacrifices his own life to save his younger brother...but he fails and goes back and tries to save him again but with each attempt he makes his brother dies in a more horrible way since he could never get there in time.... (1st time) he gets his neck broken in a fight (2 time) he is stabbed with a sword in the chest. (3 time) the older brother hangs himself as his younger brother approaches the door to save HIM and he is shot in the face. Again the older one sees his brother die and his murder turns around to shoot him from the roof (it was open as if it collapsed due to the war)....but then I turn into the older brother right before the bullets hit me. and wake up. I don’t get it but felt that no matter what he did to save him he just failed and I remember his feelings...of course I guess they were mine. I unno if anyone can figure this out let me know.
its kind of how I feel at cingular though I mean whatever I do I don’t feel good enough though like I am not part of the team...I mean I don’t know all the answers and collectively... I still have worked less then 2 weeks out of the total 3 1/2 I have worked since I work only 3 days a week. but they are so many rules that change, exceptions, and forms that must be done a certain way...I try to do well. but Ii feel I will never be good enough where as best buy I knew exactly what to do what everything did. I feel like a failure. I try to do good I ask questions but I feel I only burden the others. Micah doesn’t say but I can see it in his eyes...Scott says if I have questions ask then ridicules me when I do or insinuates my inquiry is invalid as if I am just stupid. Brandon is the only supportive one that when I ask a question helps out and genuinely seems to understand. but being sick today with whatever while everyone smokes makes me feel like come on guys you know I am sick but you keep me out here when I need help to answer questions. or whatever shall happen....maybe I will get better but my fear is that I won’t.
Man this was long....sorry, but if you read all of it i am glad but i dont expect most to. :(