just updating(very very very very long)
where to start, where to start. . ... . ..... i"m goin to do thi sone backwards, i will talk about now, and then the past, then comment on the past, i think :-P as of right now, I was supposed to throw a party last night, go to a club, then back to my party. I left to go to get teh party started in a great mood. somewhere in the 15 minute drive, i lost the urdge to drink. So I said fuck drinking, fuck trowing a party. i went over to my friends house, we watched seed of chucky, actualy funny. then watched teh second half of nepoleon dynamite(what-ever). guess I have to watch the first part of it now :-\well, he was tired from working, so i didn't even care to go to the club. I just drove home. from the time I decided not to drink, to the time I got home, I was just blah. wasn't happy, wasn't down, wasn't really anything, just here. well, that changed fast. as soon as I turned on my puter, I got an im. . ... so for an hour, I sat here talking to her about her heart ache. not even goin to get into it, cause it will only piss me off more. yes, i said piss off MORE,(i will get to everything that is wrong right now)Finaly got done telling her to get over it for an hour, so I was goin to talk to a friend that normally makes me happy to talk to her. So, i messege her, well, I still haven't gotten a responce. She is invisible, so i know she will say that she wasn't on, but I am able to see that she is online. I can even tell her web cam is on. I don't know, maybe she was getting freaky for some guy and didn't want to tell me I couldn't view her cam. What-ever, she could have atleast talked for a minute. I've always answered any close friend that messeged me, no matter what. even if it's to tell them, "not now, i'm not in the mood to talk" But ofcourse, my friends are always more important to me, than I to them. But I don't even give a fuck really. Not about her not talking. What really has me a lil ticked off, I found out somebody that was in my past and was supposed to be there in my future, hid some things from me. I don't like when people can't just tell me the truth and be striat out and forward with things that I SHOULD KNOW. It's ok, I doubt there could ever be anything between us anyways. It just pissed me off when i found out the things i found out tonight. That made me feel like writing in here, jamming to the new s.o.d. Anywayz, I think i am goin to get rid of a few friends that only have time for me when it's convinent to them. on here, and people I hang with. as far as around here, I have two peeps that I will still hang w/, besides that, fuck the rest of them. I will lose my power to make a party to happen on a spur of the moment feeling, but fuck it. What is the reason for partying with a bunch of poser's???? I don't know about anything anymore, except I have to make a big change in my life. I am no longer just happy, it takes friends to make me happy. And the only two that has been able to do that for awhile, is really Sarena, and Carrie. They both mean the world to me. IF they are on when I turn my puter on, I smile, if they aren't I go to maniatv.com to the chat room and just chat and listen to videos. Carrie will go in there and chat with me for a little while, and go in the cam room, while she is in there, i'm happy. Sarena gets on, and we chat through messengers, and I will close my cam for the chat room and me and her will chat, and trade cam views, and that makes me happy. Sarena is supposed to come here soon for a lil bit. I hope she can make it, that would totaly make me happy. But, that's been planned before, just have to see if anything comes up. As far as Carrie, i think in a few months, i'm goin to go to visit her, if my probation officer will let me :-\ she lives in canada but hell, who knows where i will live then, I kinda want to just move away to where nobody knows me. I would rather be alone and happy, than be around people that stab me in my back. If that left a visible scar, my back would be a whole scar by now. Oh how nice it would be to be alone. I could devote all my time to working and to my supra. My supra is my baby, but she is sick right now. It's gonna coast ateast $3,000 to make her purr again. that's for a japanes import engine. as far as looks, I can make my own hood scoops and roof scoops, and the rest of the body kit myself. ok, know y'all didn't want to read that, if anyoen has lasted this long, but needed something to make me happy realy quick. But it goes into this. I want to get my supra running top notch so I can enter the nopi nationals next year, I can make my car drag without a prob, but as far as drifting goes, I might have to use my maxima, my supra wont be able to run longer than a minute without blowing the engine if it's set up for drags. ok, i won't get into all the tech shit. back to me. yes, i'm thinking about moving, colorado, south carolina, new york, i don't know where, those are just a few places i could get away from everyone and actualy like where i was. I always like Detriot, and that is where Sarena lives, and to be close enough to hang out with her alot, would be great, but wouldn't be smart. Somebody would hurt her bad, and it would be when I was in a bad mood, and I would kill them. No, i'm not exagerating, I would literitly kill somebody for hurting her. When somebody is as close to me as she is, they are in the same group as family, you don't fuck with them. Cause on a bad night, I don't care about the conciquences, hell, i'm liable to just drive my car through thier front door. SO, it would be great, but not smart :-\ everything that sounds good, has thier bads sides, everything that is good, would not be fun. Kinda makes me think about how at peace I was in jail :-\ well, right now i'm bouncing between this and maniatv.com hahahhahha, ok, fellign a lil better, spyder is the cyber jocky, so i go tthe second song(zug Island) saved . . . . .. .. ok, another video or two, i should be fine, besides Sarena, Carrie, and cars, music makes me very happy. ok, too much music now, not in the mood to bitch anymore, if you read all this, I am sooo sorry.