Voyeurism At It's Worst Part 2
Title: Voyeurism At It's Worst 2
Author: heatherhouse
Rating: PG-13 for now
Warnings: Unbate'd, crackfic
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Desarai, all else belongs to DC and Christopher Nolan.
Verse: Movieverse
A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful comments everyone. X3 I decided to make a sequel and make it a three parter. I just love Dezzy's humor too much to keel her...yet. Hope you guys enjoy.
Summary: I didn't want to see Batman and the Joker kiss, it just happened!
So you’re probably wondering how I’ve managed to live long enough to write this. Funny thing, I’m about as surprised as you are.
Well, I actually thought I was living my last moments while I shared a stunned staring contest with the two most dangerous men in Gotham. The Joker recovered faster then either of us and cocked a brow at me, or at least I think he did. I can say for a fact that one of the large black circles around his eyes got larger in a pissy way.
“Do you mind?”
Not, ‘any last words’ or ‘want to know how I got my scars’. Nope, ‘ Do you mind?’ Somehow that actually made me feel more chastised about the whole thing then threatening my life would have. Go figure.
I managed to open my mouth and do, what I can only imagine, was a fantastic impersonation of a gaping fish. To my credit though, Batman looked about as baffled as I did. Again, I’m basing it on the fact that a man wearing a constricting mask on had something other then stony as an expression, so it could have been constipation for all I know.
“I…umhh.” I snapped my mouth shut until I remembered how to put two syllables together. I wanted to at least be articulate in death. “I’m sorry?”
Two large rows of a dentists worst nightmare grinning at me between two blood red lips made me realize this was probably not the winning answer. A flash caught my eye and a knife that had not been out a moment ago was tapping against the Joker’s hip. Fucker did that on purpose! And it was pretty effective because I even heard myself swallow.
“Oh, not as much as you’re going to be girly.” He purred.
I was just being spoiled with this symphony of noises the man was capable of.
There was an odd creak and flutter and I found myself staring at a wall of black. A few blinks, one rasping voice later and it was plain that Batman had stepped between me and the Joker. Did I ever mention that I always knew Batman was a good guy? Not that kissing the Joker was a great testament to his mental stability but every hero needs a dysfunction, right?
“Let her go.”
There was a moment of silence and I had to peek around Batman’s caped back, feeling like the weakling being protected from the school bully, except the bully was more efficiently equipped for silencing the witnesses.
“But Batsy, she’s just gonna go tell,” the Joker whined. Wow, he must have been one bratty kid. His eyes locked on me and glared, that harmless little whine turned into a feral growl. “And that can’t happen!”
About this point my hand had fisted in a tail end of Batman’s cloak like a safety blanket, how long would he last as a living shield?
“No, she won’t,” Batman said matter of factly and I felt another set of eyes burning a hole into my head and looked up. Great, Batman was looking at me like a threat now too.
I had to dart a tongue over my lips so I could speak and stopped mid motion when I noticed the Joker copying the motion with a little smirk. Hmm, creepy.
“…As far as I’m concerned, I heard a couple of oversized rats kickboxing in the basement and kept going.” I insisted. And there again was that incredibly morbid, but none-the-less amusing puzzlement on both their faces.
Right, because what I just said didn’t sound crazy at all.
“Never saw a thing,” I clarified quickly. “Cross my heart!”
Still the Joker looked almost pleadingly at Batman and I learned how to breath again when the vigilante shook his head. “I’ll take her home.”
And before I knew it Batman had a hold of my arm and was hoisting me up to my feet. The one leg that had been twisted at a funny angle made that difficult.
“Oww!” I snapped a little pointedly and the Bat got the point.
“Can you walk?”
I gave him a look that did not need a vocal response. Moments later I let out a shocked squeak as he picked me up bridal style, face as friendly as a gravestone.
No, this wasn’t awkward.
A huff brought our attention back to the Joker who looked like a perfectly kicked puppy. I don’t know how it was possible he made me feel bad for him not being able to kill me, but he did. And I gripped a little desperately at Batman so we could maybe leave a little sooner then later.
“Fine!” The snarl that tail ended that single word made my blood chill as the clown turned on his heel and stormed out.
The silence that followed his exit was enough that I had to clear my throat and try and fill it. But the living stone beat me to it.
“Where do you live?”
Right, so here I had a very important choice. I could either, tell the truth and risk repeated visits attached with pretty threats, or I could lie and hobble it back home from wherever I had him drop me off.
I just wasn’t stupid enough to think he wouldn’t follow me if I pulled that stunt, so I mumbled out my address with as much dismay as possible.
It was an…interesting trip back. We spent a lot of the time using the back alleys and turned a trip that normally took me five minutes on foot, took us twenty on his. I was not particularly amused by this and my heart was not racing with that bedazzled girly feeling I had always expected to feel when being carried around by Batman. It probably had something to do with the my now knowing the guy was batting for the other team.
One abrupt, stony , no kiss goodbye drop off later, I had the door bolted and locked before his cape even disappeared around the corner. I locked the windows for good measure and my bedroom door before I curled up in every blanket and I owned and turned my pillows into a mini fort any ten year old would be proud of. All I was missing was the popgun.
So, I woke up today amidst a sad little destroyed fort. And if the little limp I have isn’t proof enough that last night did happen, I don’t know what is. This is simply a precaution, I don’t think Batman will let something happen to me. But that doesn’t something wont’ happen.
If you happen to find this I suggest you…Hold on, someone’s at the door.
Author: heatherhouse
Rating: PG-13 for now
Warnings: Unbate'd, crackfic
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Desarai, all else belongs to DC and Christopher Nolan.
Verse: Movieverse
A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful comments everyone. X3 I decided to make a sequel and make it a three parter. I just love Dezzy's humor too much to keel her...yet. Hope you guys enjoy.
Summary: I didn't want to see Batman and the Joker kiss, it just happened!
So you’re probably wondering how I’ve managed to live long enough to write this. Funny thing, I’m about as surprised as you are.
Well, I actually thought I was living my last moments while I shared a stunned staring contest with the two most dangerous men in Gotham. The Joker recovered faster then either of us and cocked a brow at me, or at least I think he did. I can say for a fact that one of the large black circles around his eyes got larger in a pissy way.
“Do you mind?”
Not, ‘any last words’ or ‘want to know how I got my scars’. Nope, ‘ Do you mind?’ Somehow that actually made me feel more chastised about the whole thing then threatening my life would have. Go figure.
I managed to open my mouth and do, what I can only imagine, was a fantastic impersonation of a gaping fish. To my credit though, Batman looked about as baffled as I did. Again, I’m basing it on the fact that a man wearing a constricting mask on had something other then stony as an expression, so it could have been constipation for all I know.
“I…umhh.” I snapped my mouth shut until I remembered how to put two syllables together. I wanted to at least be articulate in death. “I’m sorry?”
Two large rows of a dentists worst nightmare grinning at me between two blood red lips made me realize this was probably not the winning answer. A flash caught my eye and a knife that had not been out a moment ago was tapping against the Joker’s hip. Fucker did that on purpose! And it was pretty effective because I even heard myself swallow.
“Oh, not as much as you’re going to be girly.” He purred.
I was just being spoiled with this symphony of noises the man was capable of.
There was an odd creak and flutter and I found myself staring at a wall of black. A few blinks, one rasping voice later and it was plain that Batman had stepped between me and the Joker. Did I ever mention that I always knew Batman was a good guy? Not that kissing the Joker was a great testament to his mental stability but every hero needs a dysfunction, right?
“Let her go.”
There was a moment of silence and I had to peek around Batman’s caped back, feeling like the weakling being protected from the school bully, except the bully was more efficiently equipped for silencing the witnesses.
“But Batsy, she’s just gonna go tell,” the Joker whined. Wow, he must have been one bratty kid. His eyes locked on me and glared, that harmless little whine turned into a feral growl. “And that can’t happen!”
About this point my hand had fisted in a tail end of Batman’s cloak like a safety blanket, how long would he last as a living shield?
“No, she won’t,” Batman said matter of factly and I felt another set of eyes burning a hole into my head and looked up. Great, Batman was looking at me like a threat now too.
I had to dart a tongue over my lips so I could speak and stopped mid motion when I noticed the Joker copying the motion with a little smirk. Hmm, creepy.
“…As far as I’m concerned, I heard a couple of oversized rats kickboxing in the basement and kept going.” I insisted. And there again was that incredibly morbid, but none-the-less amusing puzzlement on both their faces.
Right, because what I just said didn’t sound crazy at all.
“Never saw a thing,” I clarified quickly. “Cross my heart!”
Still the Joker looked almost pleadingly at Batman and I learned how to breath again when the vigilante shook his head. “I’ll take her home.”
And before I knew it Batman had a hold of my arm and was hoisting me up to my feet. The one leg that had been twisted at a funny angle made that difficult.
“Oww!” I snapped a little pointedly and the Bat got the point.
“Can you walk?”
I gave him a look that did not need a vocal response. Moments later I let out a shocked squeak as he picked me up bridal style, face as friendly as a gravestone.
No, this wasn’t awkward.
A huff brought our attention back to the Joker who looked like a perfectly kicked puppy. I don’t know how it was possible he made me feel bad for him not being able to kill me, but he did. And I gripped a little desperately at Batman so we could maybe leave a little sooner then later.
“Fine!” The snarl that tail ended that single word made my blood chill as the clown turned on his heel and stormed out.
The silence that followed his exit was enough that I had to clear my throat and try and fill it. But the living stone beat me to it.
“Where do you live?”
Right, so here I had a very important choice. I could either, tell the truth and risk repeated visits attached with pretty threats, or I could lie and hobble it back home from wherever I had him drop me off.
I just wasn’t stupid enough to think he wouldn’t follow me if I pulled that stunt, so I mumbled out my address with as much dismay as possible.
It was an…interesting trip back. We spent a lot of the time using the back alleys and turned a trip that normally took me five minutes on foot, took us twenty on his. I was not particularly amused by this and my heart was not racing with that bedazzled girly feeling I had always expected to feel when being carried around by Batman. It probably had something to do with the my now knowing the guy was batting for the other team.
One abrupt, stony , no kiss goodbye drop off later, I had the door bolted and locked before his cape even disappeared around the corner. I locked the windows for good measure and my bedroom door before I curled up in every blanket and I owned and turned my pillows into a mini fort any ten year old would be proud of. All I was missing was the popgun.
So, I woke up today amidst a sad little destroyed fort. And if the little limp I have isn’t proof enough that last night did happen, I don’t know what is. This is simply a precaution, I don’t think Batman will let something happen to me. But that doesn’t something wont’ happen.
If you happen to find this I suggest you…Hold on, someone’s at the door.