Change For You
Jared stared off of the side of the roof, a haunted look on his handsome face. So, this was how his life would end. He would throw himself off of the roof of the school, his own hell that he had to endure from seven to three every week day. He was the nerd, the A+ student that had been accepted into Harvard, the shy boy who was too afraid of the world to make friends. The other students didn’t understand him. They had never tried to understand him.
Not that Jared blamed them. He could understand them, in a way. He was weird, different, outside of their comfort zone. And, unwilling to break the delicacies of high school social status, they shunned him. That was fine by him. He had always been a loner and didn’t feel comfortable in large crowds. He ate his lunch in the library, where he could study for tests or read the latest non-fiction novels, because he planned to travel abroad and research other cultures.
But that didn’t mean that he was entirely alone. Of course, he had Jensen. Jensen was his entire world. That was what made this so difficult. One of their classmates, a beautiful brunette that Jared had once been attracted to (that was, of course, before Jensen had come into his life) had told him that she had seen Jensen and one of the cheerleaders in his ’67 Chevy Impala after the hard-won game that had gotten their school into the semi-finals.
Jared didn’t want to believe it. He couldn’t believe it. Jensen wasn’t the kind of boy to carelessly throw words around, and when he had told Jared that he loved him, Jared had trusted him. But then, he had seen them in the hallway. She hung off his locker like some two-bit tramp and laughed at all of his jokes. There was obvious chemistry between them. And really, when he could have that, what would he want with some sorry dork?
His heart shattered and his world went with it. Jensen had been there for him for so long. Before he was his boyfriend, he was his only friend. And now… now, he didn’t even have that to fall back on. Looking over the side of the building, he figured it was a small price to pay for the relief that his death would cause everyone. Everyone would be so much better off without him. Jensen could have his bitch. The jocks could find another victim.
Now, as he looked down at the dusty, abandoned lot just behind their school, he realized that he had acquired a bit of an audience. He could only image the look of horror on their faces. Most would think that he was too weak to actually follow through with it. Oh, how wrong they were. Jared was done. So done. He could feel his body slowly unravel under the pressure of it all. The others, well, they were the bystanders. They wanted to help him, but were too afraid.
And then, there was a sudden, forceful break in the crowd. Bodies stumbled left and right as one teen, a few inches shorter, but significantly bulkier than the rest, forced his way around to the front of the confusion. Jared would know that black leather jacket anywhere. Jensen. But why would he be here? Hadn’t he caused enough hurt, enough damage? If possible, more pain filled him and tears, hot and heavy, started to leak from his hazel eyes.
He needed to do this fast, finish himself before Jensen could stop him. It wasn’t fair for him to interfere like this. He didn’t care. He never cared. Why did he think that Jared’s heart was a toy? Was it funny to watch him crack and cry and bleed? Jared took a step back. Now, he could feel the small uplift of the ledge behind his heel. Just a little bit further now, and then it would all be over. Just a little bit further, and all of this would be a distant memory.
“Jared!” The frantic desperation in the older teen’s voice was hard to miss. Despite himself, Jared’s hazel eyes flickered up and met Jensen’s breathless form. “Jared! What the fuck do you think that you’re doing?”
Jared swallowed hard, looked over his shoulder at the ant-like people below, and turned his attention back to Jensen. “What the fuck does it look like I’m doing, Jen? I’m done with this - this school, the students, even you.”
Jensen looked as if Jared had struck him across the face. He swallowed uneasily. “What did I do, Jay?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know!” Jared screamed, looking away. He refused to believe that Jensen didn’t know.
“I’m telling you the God-honest truth right now, baby. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you feel so shitty that you feel like you have to jump off the roof, but whatever it was, I’m sorry. God Jay, I never -,”
“You never ‘what’? You never meant to fuck that cheerleader after the football game? You never meant for me to see the two of you at your locker, making goggle-eyes at each other? Is that what you wanted to say?”
“What cheerleader? Jay, I never -,”
Once again, Jared cut him off. “I don’t want to hear anymore lies, Jensen! I’m sick of everyone lying to me!”
“I’m not lying to you, Jay. I would never lie to you. But you have to listen to me. Please, don’t do this.”
Jensen reached out for Jared, but Jared stumbled back. He rocked uneasily on the ledge, arms pin wheeling around him. For one terrifying moment, Jensen feared that he would lose Jared forever. His blood hammered so loudly in his ears it sounded like rapid fire on the battle field. And then, it was all over. Jared had regained his balance and his tears were renewed. It looked as if that near death experience had scared some sense into his rattled brain.
Hoping that Jared was a little more sensible now, Jensen grabbed hold of his wrist and forcefully pulled him away from the ledge. Relieved cries could be heard from below as both of them stumbled backward and Jensen landed on his back, Jared curled in his arms, sobbing obscenely. He hated to seem to weak in front of his boyfriend, if he could even consider him his boyfriend anymore. But the overload of emotion was too much and he couldn’t stop the tears.
“Jay…” Jensen breathed, tears of his own collecting in his azure eyes. He stared at Jared’s wrist and arm, which was mutilated with self-inflicted scars. “God, Jay… why didn’t you ever tell me?”
Weakly, Jared tore his arm away and cradled it close to his chest. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall, before he mumbled, “You don’t care. Nobody cares. Why would you listen if you don’t care?”
“Of course I care about you, Jay! You’re my world. Don’t you remember all those plans we made for college -,”
“What about that cheerleader, then?” Jared cried. “You’re so talented with words. Explain that one away.”
“I really don’t know what cheerleader you’re talking about, Jay-Jay…” Jensen trailed off warily.
“Oh, you don’t? Let me refresh your memory. Her name is Claudia. Blond hair, huge tits, and an easy-sleazy attitude. You screwed her in the back of your Impala after the football game!”
Jensen recoiled at Jared’s harsh words, shocked. “No. No, you have that all backwards, Jay. I would… I would never do that to you. I drove Claudia home because her boyfriend ditched her. She came to my locker to thank me.”
“What reason do I have to believe you?” Jared asked, but Jensen could see that his steely resolve was breaking down.
Jensen stared at him with a warm, open honesty. “When have I ever lied to you before?”
And then, Jared broke down. Sobbing nearly uncontrollably, he fell into Jensen’s arms and allowed the older boy to hold him. Words of comfort flew from Jensen’s mouth as he carefully raked his fingers through Jared’s hair, silently assuring him that it would all be okay. It was all right now. The crisis had been averted and Jared was back in Jensen’s arms. This was the way that it should have been. But both boys knew that Jared was still broken.
Drawing back a little bit, Jensen rolled Jared’s sleeves back and mentally counted all of the scars on his arms. Twenty-seven in all. Each was deep and could have been lethal. Jensen wondered if they had been intended that way. On a whim, he checked Jared’s legs. The same treatment had been bestowed on his calves and thighs. Forty angry scars stared back at him, fresh and some ready to bleed. Jensen felt those tears come to his eyes again.
“Baby, how could you let anyone make you feel so down about yourself that you would want to commit suicide? Nobody is worth your life. Not even me.” Jensen said, the tears on his cheeks mirroring Jared’s.
“You don’t understand the hell that I endure every day, from school alone. My body is battered and bruised from getting beat-up by the football team.” Jensen’s eyes narrowed. “Your friends hurt me, Jen.”
“I’ll just have to have a talk with them, then, won’t I?” Jensen’s eyes flashed with bloodlust and Jared shivered.
“I don’t want you to get in trouble for me. I’m not worth it.” Jared said meekly.
“You’re worth it to me. And you mean a lot more to me than those stupid ‘jocks’ I used to call friends.”
“You shouldn’t have to change your entire life for me.” Jared looked down, ashamed of himself.
“I’m changing my life because I want to change it, Jen. I only ask for one thing in return.” Jared nodded hurriedly, just thankful to feel Jensen’s arms around him again. “I want you to seek help for this. I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you there.”
Jared was silent for a moment, and for a few seconds, Jensen feared that he would say no. But finally, he nodded. “If that is what you want, I can do that. For you.”
--
“Fuck, Jen. Right there! Harder! Harder!” Jared’s hands clenched around the pillow as Jensen obliged to his command, sinking faster and harder into Jared’s warmth.
The school had allowed Jared to head home early and Jensen got out after fourth period for a ‘bad stomachache’. Mrs. Padalecki had been more than happy to have him stay over. She was still incredibly shaken up by the whole experience, not that that was surprising. She knew how much Jensen meant to Jared and knew that he was one of the only ones who would be able to help him heal. So, she had left the two alone to ‘talk it out’.
Now, Jensen’s hands searched over every inch of Jared’s naked back. It was the only area of his body that wasn’t blemished with self-inflicted scars. His hands continued up until they found the shoulders, and then they scaled down to wrap around Jared’s arms. The body beneath him tensed, but Jensen ignored how uncomfortable he was for a moment. He needed to do this. Not only for him, but also for Jared.
Kissing every scar in turn, from the left wrist to the left ankle, he made sure that Jared understood that he was loved. No matter how many times he scarred his body, Jensen would still love him no matter what. Each was the rock that supported the other. Without one, the other would crumble. And now, Jared knew that if he were to kill himself, Jensen would not be so far behind. He needed Jared like he needed air. He was essential to life.
“I love you, baby. And if you ever feel that alone again, come to me. Talk to me. I’m here for you and I want to hear what you have to say. Okay?” Jensen started to thrust a little harder, taking Jared’s throbbing cock into his hand.
Jared nodded, but that wasn’t good enough for Jensen. He needed to hear Jared vocalize it, otherwise he would never know whether or not it had truly sunk in. He clenched his hand around the cock. Jared squeaked, “Okay!”
That cocky smile returning, Jensen thrust harder, working Jared’s cock into the rough material of the sheet. A frenzy of color washed before his eyes and he could feel that coil in his stomach tighten, tighten, until it was finally ready to burst. Leaning forward, he took both of Jared’s wrists and held them. The new angle of leverage allowed him to hit Jared’s prostate dead-on and that was the end of that. Clenching down around Jensen, Jared came into the sheet.
Trying to draw out Jared’s ecstasy for as long as possible, Jensen did his best to stave off his orgasm. But when Jared shot him a tantalizing look over his shoulder and clenched down, it ended. Biting down on his bottom lip to conceal a moan, he shot his essence deep into Jared and marked him, once and for all, as his own. Once he had gained his composure, he pulled out and lay down beside Jared, taking him into his arms.
“Do you feel better now, baby?” Jensen asked as he brushed sweaty brown locks away from Jared’s face.
Jared nodded and snuggled deep into Jensen’s arms. “Much.”
“Good. I’m gonna talk with your Mom and see if you can take the rest of the week off. We can worry about your treatment from there, okay?” Jensen asked.
“Yeah.” Jared nodded. But then, his eyes snapped open as he felt Jensen start to wiggle away from him. “Where are you going? You’re not leaving, are you?”
“Nope. Just turning off the light.” Jensen, true to his word, turned off the light and climbed back into bed. “I would never dream of leaving you.” And then, much softer. “Love you, Jay.”
Jared smiled, just now able to drift off into comfortable slumber. “Love you too, Jen.”