Stories from Maffhew :)
ello! hope your havin fun with drugs or whatever it is your doing..
i know you asked for a sex story, and i've decided to write you one......about the sordid love affair between anthony worrel thompson and ainsley harriott.
To anyone on the outside, TV chefs appear to be perfectly normal, a little flamboyant, maybe, but normal. This is the tale of an affair. and affair between two chefs. two TV chefs, one, small, white fat and ginger, the other, tall black and shiny. a true case of ebony and ivory.
Ainsley and Anthony they began their lives, respectively in, London, and Swannsville - now swannsville, you may not be too familiar with. this is because its an out of the way type place, containing surprisingly, little to no swans at all. it is infact, a breeding ground, for TV chefs. Anthony worrel thompson came from this place. raised by pigs, he didnt have much of an eye for food as a child, only when he turned ginger did he develop an intrest in culinary delights. by the age of 20, he shed his piggy outer casing, to reveal a chefs outfit and a beard, and off he trotted to london town, to find fame, money and the love of a black man...
Once in London, he immediatly purchased a residence along with 17 cats and 20 litres of nail varnish, the landlord, not wishing to question the actions of a small ginger chef, let him be. what he did that night, shall remain a secret, but he awoke the next day, feel fresh and free. he wandered the streets of london looking for anything that caught his eye...when he saw something more wonderful than he'd ever seen in his life....
thats right! Ainsley harriot had rescued a woman from from paul daniels! he'd tried to magic her into bed with him! ! he promptly went to jail, of course. anthony couldnt believe his eyes. ainsley harriot - tv chef, man of the people, vigalante and handsome devil all in one. anthony made it his mission to seduce the young chef...but how? he wasnt a big name in the biz, nor was he a well known chef, he was just a pig man...he approached ainsley, after he'd lowered the girl to the ground and said
'i'm a huge fan of yours mr harriot'
'oh, please...call me ainsley!' he replied, doing his trade mark 'shaking the salt' dance, anthony attempts to join in, but is laughed down for having large hips..
'i'm a chef too!' said anthony 'i have a tv show im starting..i'd love for you to be a part of it..'
'i'd love to! i am of course, ainsley harriot...i'll do anything!'
'oh wonderful...it at studio b, on fadge street.'
having secured a vendevout with the ebony god, anthony set about making arrangements...
LATER THAT WEEK
ainsley, realised he had an appointment with anthony, so set out to meet him at studio b...
on entering, the crackle and flicker of a fire, and an enormous armchair. whats this? anthony worrel thompson..COVERED IN JAM?
'whats this?' says ainley
'i uh...was hoping you could sprinkle hundreds and thousands on me...they go really well with jam'
'fuck you!'
'not so fast - GUARDS!'
three men in black emerge from behind the door, and lock them in...to this day, ainsley harriot has remained in that room...his double, presents reasy steady cook, now...
once upon a time, there was a tree called graham. he was a lonely tree, that lived only for growing tall, and the sound of an acoustic guitar. travelling bands would come, and go, but one travelling band stayed. Jophie, was their name, and they were 2 girls, one called jo, the other called sophie. they travelled the world, selling candyfloss and pleasuring the ears of many with their wonderful acoustic noise and lyrical ramblings.
this is a story, about Jophie, the tree, and some - which they didnt know at the time - magic candyfloss.
one day jo was wondering around, listening to her lionel ritchie cd's and singing along.
"hello!!!!?? IS IT me your LOOKING for!???"
she would sing. sophie ignored her singing, and watched richard and judy instead. she liked richards hair, and the way he pulled his trousers up slightly when he sat down. she took some candyfloss from under her cushion, which she'd been given by a small japanese boy
but more about him later...as she enjoyed her candyfloss, she heard a moaning coming from afar.
'that sounds just like a tree would sound if trees moaned' she thought..
and she went exploring. listening for the moaning she got closer and closer, until she saw.....
PAUL DANIELS TRAPPED INSIDE GRAHAM THE TREE!
"did you do this?" he said
"no! how could i have possibly trapped you - paul daniels, the greatest magician of all time - in a tree!!??"
"did you eat some.....candy floss?"
"and what if i did?"
"....from a small black and white japanese boy!!?"
"SO WHAT IF I DID???"
"YOU TRAPPED ME IN THIS TREE!!!"
sophie runs away to tell jo..
by this time, Jo had gotten onto listening to barry white, and was table dancing in't kitchen, trapped in a hypnotic trance, because of barry's low bassy singing...
"JO, JO JO!! I'VE TRAPPED PAUL DANIELS IN A TREE!!"
"now, now...calm down sophie..i knew a man once, by the name of ernest...he trapped pat sharp in a tree, and there was only one way to release him.
"how, how, tell me!"
"i dunno, we've been friends since year 7...i wouldnt want to put you through it.."
"what i have to do?"
"ok...go and get 9 kittens, some blueberry jam, a microwave oven, 2 dogs, some cheese, some toilet duck, and a blue peter presenter."
"thats a lot of things!"
"yes, i know...but trust me."
so sophie runs off, and returns the next day, with all the items...
"oh, sorry," says jo..."i had it all premixed in this bottle, its a special formula, used for removing fading celebrities from trees"
"oh, thats a bit shit...if i'd have known that i wouldnt have gone to all this trouble.."
"oh well...lets go!"
they run along and find the tree, who by now looks like this!
"quick!" says jo "he's almost changed forever!!"
they spray him lots, and he changes back to this
"oh, thank you very much! who are you?"
"well, i'm jo, and this is sophie! we're jophie!"
"a band, eh?" he says..."i'll make sure you get signed!"
they got signed..and lived happilly ever after!
i know you asked for a sex story, and i've decided to write you one......about the sordid love affair between anthony worrel thompson and ainsley harriott.
To anyone on the outside, TV chefs appear to be perfectly normal, a little flamboyant, maybe, but normal. This is the tale of an affair. and affair between two chefs. two TV chefs, one, small, white fat and ginger, the other, tall black and shiny. a true case of ebony and ivory.
Ainsley and Anthony they began their lives, respectively in, London, and Swannsville - now swannsville, you may not be too familiar with. this is because its an out of the way type place, containing surprisingly, little to no swans at all. it is infact, a breeding ground, for TV chefs. Anthony worrel thompson came from this place. raised by pigs, he didnt have much of an eye for food as a child, only when he turned ginger did he develop an intrest in culinary delights. by the age of 20, he shed his piggy outer casing, to reveal a chefs outfit and a beard, and off he trotted to london town, to find fame, money and the love of a black man...
Once in London, he immediatly purchased a residence along with 17 cats and 20 litres of nail varnish, the landlord, not wishing to question the actions of a small ginger chef, let him be. what he did that night, shall remain a secret, but he awoke the next day, feel fresh and free. he wandered the streets of london looking for anything that caught his eye...when he saw something more wonderful than he'd ever seen in his life....
thats right! Ainsley harriot had rescued a woman from from paul daniels! he'd tried to magic her into bed with him! ! he promptly went to jail, of course. anthony couldnt believe his eyes. ainsley harriot - tv chef, man of the people, vigalante and handsome devil all in one. anthony made it his mission to seduce the young chef...but how? he wasnt a big name in the biz, nor was he a well known chef, he was just a pig man...he approached ainsley, after he'd lowered the girl to the ground and said
'i'm a huge fan of yours mr harriot'
'oh, please...call me ainsley!' he replied, doing his trade mark 'shaking the salt' dance, anthony attempts to join in, but is laughed down for having large hips..
'i'm a chef too!' said anthony 'i have a tv show im starting..i'd love for you to be a part of it..'
'i'd love to! i am of course, ainsley harriot...i'll do anything!'
'oh wonderful...it at studio b, on fadge street.'
having secured a vendevout with the ebony god, anthony set about making arrangements...
LATER THAT WEEK
ainsley, realised he had an appointment with anthony, so set out to meet him at studio b...
on entering, the crackle and flicker of a fire, and an enormous armchair. whats this? anthony worrel thompson..COVERED IN JAM?
'whats this?' says ainley
'i uh...was hoping you could sprinkle hundreds and thousands on me...they go really well with jam'
'fuck you!'
'not so fast - GUARDS!'
three men in black emerge from behind the door, and lock them in...to this day, ainsley harriot has remained in that room...his double, presents reasy steady cook, now...
once upon a time, there was a tree called graham. he was a lonely tree, that lived only for growing tall, and the sound of an acoustic guitar. travelling bands would come, and go, but one travelling band stayed. Jophie, was their name, and they were 2 girls, one called jo, the other called sophie. they travelled the world, selling candyfloss and pleasuring the ears of many with their wonderful acoustic noise and lyrical ramblings.
this is a story, about Jophie, the tree, and some - which they didnt know at the time - magic candyfloss.
one day jo was wondering around, listening to her lionel ritchie cd's and singing along.
"hello!!!!?? IS IT me your LOOKING for!???"
she would sing. sophie ignored her singing, and watched richard and judy instead. she liked richards hair, and the way he pulled his trousers up slightly when he sat down. she took some candyfloss from under her cushion, which she'd been given by a small japanese boy
but more about him later...as she enjoyed her candyfloss, she heard a moaning coming from afar.
'that sounds just like a tree would sound if trees moaned' she thought..
and she went exploring. listening for the moaning she got closer and closer, until she saw.....
PAUL DANIELS TRAPPED INSIDE GRAHAM THE TREE!
"did you do this?" he said
"no! how could i have possibly trapped you - paul daniels, the greatest magician of all time - in a tree!!??"
"did you eat some.....candy floss?"
"and what if i did?"
"....from a small black and white japanese boy!!?"
"SO WHAT IF I DID???"
"YOU TRAPPED ME IN THIS TREE!!!"
sophie runs away to tell jo..
by this time, Jo had gotten onto listening to barry white, and was table dancing in't kitchen, trapped in a hypnotic trance, because of barry's low bassy singing...
"JO, JO JO!! I'VE TRAPPED PAUL DANIELS IN A TREE!!"
"now, now...calm down sophie..i knew a man once, by the name of ernest...he trapped pat sharp in a tree, and there was only one way to release him.
"how, how, tell me!"
"i dunno, we've been friends since year 7...i wouldnt want to put you through it.."
"what i have to do?"
"ok...go and get 9 kittens, some blueberry jam, a microwave oven, 2 dogs, some cheese, some toilet duck, and a blue peter presenter."
"thats a lot of things!"
"yes, i know...but trust me."
so sophie runs off, and returns the next day, with all the items...
"oh, sorry," says jo..."i had it all premixed in this bottle, its a special formula, used for removing fading celebrities from trees"
"oh, thats a bit shit...if i'd have known that i wouldnt have gone to all this trouble.."
"oh well...lets go!"
they run along and find the tree, who by now looks like this!
"quick!" says jo "he's almost changed forever!!"
they spray him lots, and he changes back to this
"oh, thank you very much! who are you?"
"well, i'm jo, and this is sophie! we're jophie!"
"a band, eh?" he says..."i'll make sure you get signed!"
they got signed..and lived happilly ever after!