.0069 - A Moment to Think
Jensen/Jared
906 words
Prompt: engagements and the boys' feelings
Teaser: “Where you’re confused… I’m sure.”
It’s already past ten when the tires finally squeal on the driveway. The dogs leap off the sofa where they were, until just now, peacefully sitting with Jared and completely content watching Transformers, and run for the front door. Loud barking immediately fills the hall, echoing around the walls and dimming the sound of Jensen’s steps and his voice, his cooing words and quiet laughter.
A few minutes later there’s Jensen’s head looming in the door, and eight paws following his steps. “Hey,” he says as he walks in, tugging off his knitted cap, damp and white with the first unexpected snowflakes that also linger on his black coat.
“Hey.” Jared hits the pause button on the remote control and stands up, then frowns confusedly when Jensen doesn’t stop, heading straight for his room instead. “Jensen?”
Jensen ceases in a mid step and glances up at Jared sideways, shoving his hands down into the pockets of his coat. “Sorry, I’m- I-I need to be alone for a moment,” he says, nodding to himself in agreement.
“Okay. Sure… Well, there’s some Chinese if you’re hungry.”
“Maybe later.”
When Jensen doesn’t leave his bedroom for the next couple of hours, and ignores the dogs’ insistent whining and pottering at his door, Jared’s patience finally runs dry and he knocks on Jensen’s door, worried. “Jensen? You awake?”
“Yeah.” Jensen’s voice seeping through the door is quiet and a bit raspy.
His shooting day was longer and more exhausting than Jared’s, especially physically, and Jared understands that Jensen needs some time and space to shake Dean off, and he’s willing to give him both. As soon as he’s certain that Jensen’s okay. “Mind if I come in?”
“No.”
Opening the door, Jared pushes his dogs out of the way, and walks in. There’s just twilight in there, the only spot of light keeping the darkness from swallowing the room completely is the lamp beside Jensen’s bed. On which Jensen’s sitting, huddled. Legs drawn up to his chest and arms wrapped around them, Jensen rests his chin on his knees, gazing somewhere at the opposite wall of the room, where there’s absolutely nothing to see but shadows.
“Are you okay?” Jared asks as he sits down beside Jensen.
“Yeah.”
Jared eyes Jensen doubtfully, suspiciously, noticing that he’s still wearing the same jeans and hoodie he had on more than two hours ago. “You sure ‘bout that?”
Jensen doesn’t reply, for a minute or two. Just when Jared is thinking of repeating his question, Jensen opens his mouth.
“She loves me,” he whispers then, studying the single ring on his hand curiously. Dean’s ring. “Is that wrong? Is that a sin?”
“No,” Jared shakes his head confusedly. “Of course not.”
And if it is, then Jared’s marching to Hell along with Danneel. And a few thousand fans. Interesting company indeed, but not the best place for an eternal holiday. “You deserve to be loved… And happy.”
“Am I?” Jensen questions as he looks up finally. His eyes are tired, bloodshot and slightly puffy, and Jared doesn’t think that that was a part of today’s script. “Am I, Jared?”
Jared is genuinely confused. “Are you… what?”
“Happy?”
“Well… are you?”
Jensen scowls thoughtfully, seemingly completely startled by the question, panicked even. He stares at Jared as though he’s trying to find his answer there in his eyes. There might be a lot of things, many of which Jensen’s not supposed to see, but apparently not his answer, for he shakes his head and looks away. “I don’t know,” he admits, sounding completely guilty.
“Bu-but… how come? I thought… You were talkin’ about it,” Jared reminds, hoping he doesn’t sound as broken as he feels inside, because he knew. He was supposed to be ready for this news. “You wanted to do it for so long.”
“I know. I know, but… I’m-I’m.” A heavy sigh and more wrinkles creasing Jensen’s forehead. “I’m so fuckin’ confused now.”
“Why?”
“Why?” Jensen parrots mindlessly, looking like he’s just buying some time while he tries to collect his thoughts and give name to his feelings. Then, when Jared’s least expecting it, he gets up on his knees and leans forward, brushing his lips against Jared’s. Briefly, but enough to cause Jared’s heart to skip a beat. Make him want more, everything. “That’s why,” he says simply as he draws back.
Jared’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “Holy… crap,” he utters breathlessly, completely taken by surprise. He was expecting almost anything, but not this.
It’s Jared’s reaction that makes Jensen realize what he’s just done, and he gasps in shock and stumbles off the bed. He blushes with embarrassment, spluttering out a rattled apology. “I-I’m-I am so sorry. I know you’re not-I-I know you don’t, and I didn’t mean-I’m- Jesus, what did I--” Lost for words, he just stands there in the middle of the room, looking completely puzzled and lost.
Jared’s on his feet in a moment, trying to stop the panicked burst falling from Jensen’s lips, and the heedless waving of his hands. “No. Nonono, you don’t understand,” he says calmly as he wraps his fingers around Jensen’s wrist, tugging Jensen to him. “Where you’re confused… I’m sure.”
906 words
Prompt: engagements and the boys' feelings
Teaser: “Where you’re confused… I’m sure.”
It’s already past ten when the tires finally squeal on the driveway. The dogs leap off the sofa where they were, until just now, peacefully sitting with Jared and completely content watching Transformers, and run for the front door. Loud barking immediately fills the hall, echoing around the walls and dimming the sound of Jensen’s steps and his voice, his cooing words and quiet laughter.
A few minutes later there’s Jensen’s head looming in the door, and eight paws following his steps. “Hey,” he says as he walks in, tugging off his knitted cap, damp and white with the first unexpected snowflakes that also linger on his black coat.
“Hey.” Jared hits the pause button on the remote control and stands up, then frowns confusedly when Jensen doesn’t stop, heading straight for his room instead. “Jensen?”
Jensen ceases in a mid step and glances up at Jared sideways, shoving his hands down into the pockets of his coat. “Sorry, I’m- I-I need to be alone for a moment,” he says, nodding to himself in agreement.
“Okay. Sure… Well, there’s some Chinese if you’re hungry.”
“Maybe later.”
When Jensen doesn’t leave his bedroom for the next couple of hours, and ignores the dogs’ insistent whining and pottering at his door, Jared’s patience finally runs dry and he knocks on Jensen’s door, worried. “Jensen? You awake?”
“Yeah.” Jensen’s voice seeping through the door is quiet and a bit raspy.
His shooting day was longer and more exhausting than Jared’s, especially physically, and Jared understands that Jensen needs some time and space to shake Dean off, and he’s willing to give him both. As soon as he’s certain that Jensen’s okay. “Mind if I come in?”
“No.”
Opening the door, Jared pushes his dogs out of the way, and walks in. There’s just twilight in there, the only spot of light keeping the darkness from swallowing the room completely is the lamp beside Jensen’s bed. On which Jensen’s sitting, huddled. Legs drawn up to his chest and arms wrapped around them, Jensen rests his chin on his knees, gazing somewhere at the opposite wall of the room, where there’s absolutely nothing to see but shadows.
“Are you okay?” Jared asks as he sits down beside Jensen.
“Yeah.”
Jared eyes Jensen doubtfully, suspiciously, noticing that he’s still wearing the same jeans and hoodie he had on more than two hours ago. “You sure ‘bout that?”
Jensen doesn’t reply, for a minute or two. Just when Jared is thinking of repeating his question, Jensen opens his mouth.
“She loves me,” he whispers then, studying the single ring on his hand curiously. Dean’s ring. “Is that wrong? Is that a sin?”
“No,” Jared shakes his head confusedly. “Of course not.”
And if it is, then Jared’s marching to Hell along with Danneel. And a few thousand fans. Interesting company indeed, but not the best place for an eternal holiday. “You deserve to be loved… And happy.”
“Am I?” Jensen questions as he looks up finally. His eyes are tired, bloodshot and slightly puffy, and Jared doesn’t think that that was a part of today’s script. “Am I, Jared?”
Jared is genuinely confused. “Are you… what?”
“Happy?”
“Well… are you?”
Jensen scowls thoughtfully, seemingly completely startled by the question, panicked even. He stares at Jared as though he’s trying to find his answer there in his eyes. There might be a lot of things, many of which Jensen’s not supposed to see, but apparently not his answer, for he shakes his head and looks away. “I don’t know,” he admits, sounding completely guilty.
“Bu-but… how come? I thought… You were talkin’ about it,” Jared reminds, hoping he doesn’t sound as broken as he feels inside, because he knew. He was supposed to be ready for this news. “You wanted to do it for so long.”
“I know. I know, but… I’m-I’m.” A heavy sigh and more wrinkles creasing Jensen’s forehead. “I’m so fuckin’ confused now.”
“Why?”
“Why?” Jensen parrots mindlessly, looking like he’s just buying some time while he tries to collect his thoughts and give name to his feelings. Then, when Jared’s least expecting it, he gets up on his knees and leans forward, brushing his lips against Jared’s. Briefly, but enough to cause Jared’s heart to skip a beat. Make him want more, everything. “That’s why,” he says simply as he draws back.
Jared’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “Holy… crap,” he utters breathlessly, completely taken by surprise. He was expecting almost anything, but not this.
It’s Jared’s reaction that makes Jensen realize what he’s just done, and he gasps in shock and stumbles off the bed. He blushes with embarrassment, spluttering out a rattled apology. “I-I’m-I am so sorry. I know you’re not-I-I know you don’t, and I didn’t mean-I’m- Jesus, what did I--” Lost for words, he just stands there in the middle of the room, looking completely puzzled and lost.
Jared’s on his feet in a moment, trying to stop the panicked burst falling from Jensen’s lips, and the heedless waving of his hands. “No. Nonono, you don’t understand,” he says calmly as he wraps his fingers around Jensen’s wrist, tugging Jensen to him. “Where you’re confused… I’m sure.”