Long time, nothing written.
And that would be because I don't have much to say these days.
My life has changed a lot in almost every way since I started writing in this thing. The only thing that hasn't changed is that my health is still fucked. Mentally I'm doing well. Physically, not so great. In May of last year I wrote about the terrible stomach pain I was experiencing and the medical profession not coming up with any answers for me. Well, I got an answer; Endometriosis. Since then I have had surgery (November 04), which would spell the end of my pelvic pain. No such luck. The pain is still there and at the moment it is worse than ever. I'm worried for my health as chances are I will have to have more surgery soon. But that is only a small worry compared to others.
I am terrified that I will lose my job over this. My pain is so bad that I feel like I should be at home. I'm having trouble moving and everytime I do, the pain intensifies. I really need to be at home taking the strong painkillers that knock me out. But I can't because I have to be at work. I have had so much time off and I am too terrified to take any more off because of what the consequences could be. No one has said anything. Yet. People don't understand because they can't see the pain, it's not like a broken leg where it's obvious that you are hurting. People just think I'm a Drama Queen. I am contemplating resigning so that i don't have to worry about it. But then I will have money worries, so i really can't win in this situation.
I'm really trying not to adopt the 'poor me' way of thinking, but it's bloody hard at the moment. I feel like I'm being really weak about all this and that makes me feel even shittier. I feel like I should be able to cope better than I am. But I'm worn out. Mentally and Physically I just feel exhausted.
My life has changed a lot in almost every way since I started writing in this thing. The only thing that hasn't changed is that my health is still fucked. Mentally I'm doing well. Physically, not so great. In May of last year I wrote about the terrible stomach pain I was experiencing and the medical profession not coming up with any answers for me. Well, I got an answer; Endometriosis. Since then I have had surgery (November 04), which would spell the end of my pelvic pain. No such luck. The pain is still there and at the moment it is worse than ever. I'm worried for my health as chances are I will have to have more surgery soon. But that is only a small worry compared to others.
I am terrified that I will lose my job over this. My pain is so bad that I feel like I should be at home. I'm having trouble moving and everytime I do, the pain intensifies. I really need to be at home taking the strong painkillers that knock me out. But I can't because I have to be at work. I have had so much time off and I am too terrified to take any more off because of what the consequences could be. No one has said anything. Yet. People don't understand because they can't see the pain, it's not like a broken leg where it's obvious that you are hurting. People just think I'm a Drama Queen. I am contemplating resigning so that i don't have to worry about it. But then I will have money worries, so i really can't win in this situation.
I'm really trying not to adopt the 'poor me' way of thinking, but it's bloody hard at the moment. I feel like I'm being really weak about all this and that makes me feel even shittier. I feel like I should be able to cope better than I am. But I'm worn out. Mentally and Physically I just feel exhausted.