A very overdue post
My poor livejournal gets no attention from me anymore…unfortunately it’s partially because absolutely nothing is happening in my life! It’s all pretty routine for me nowadays and I’m really looking forward to the end of the semester so that I can start from scratch.
School has been going alright, I’m doing a lot better than I was ever doing in my classes last year, so hopefully that translates in some GPA points. I’m really close to declaring my major now and I have to start really really pulling up my grades if I ever want to do anything with myself, heh. So I’m thinking of declaring either Biology or Biochemistry…possibly both. I’m actually already finished with most of the Biology major (I think I need 3-5 more credits after next semester). So if anything, I could be a double major and look special on my resume. I’m also thinking of doing the Asian American Studies minor, because it only takes 6 credits to get the minor and I’ve already taken or will take 3 classes, so hey, I figure, why not?
Extracurricularly…the same old same old stuff is happening. Pan-Asian (dance) and PEER (mentoring) are the primary things that occupy me, and also SPC, but that’s only for the next couple week s until the next group takes charge. Pan-Asian is really great and the show is coming together well, so I’m excited for that. PEER is also nice, but I’m running into the same problems as last year-in that no one can ever show up to meetings and it’s really hard to get stuff done. *sigh* kids these days. SPC is going well, we got through some really great projects and I think we did a lot of cool stuff around campus. Then I joined the United Minorities Council and the Race Dialogue Project so I’m sort of up and coming in those…RDP is reeeeally small (read, 3 other members other than me) so that’s not as exciting as the other stuff but it’s a good cause and I think it has potential to grow. Otherwise…not much is going on…
In general life, I’m getting kinda bored and lonely. This is some loser-talk, so please try not to hold it against me.
Like, it started with me being really busy and not being able to hang out with people. It also doesn’t help that I don’t have a meal plan that forces me to call up friends to go and eat together. It also doesn’t help that I lost a couple of last year’s good friends this year. It also doesn’t help that I spend all of my weekends running between errands and dance practice so I have no time to hang out. It also doesn’t really help that I don’t really drink or party. Put that all together and you get…absolutely no social life. I feel like it’s partially that people have already formed bonds already, or that I’ve been lazy, so usually I sit at home all the time, even on weekends. Like earlier this week I happened to be standing there when the entire sophomore class of Pan-Asian except for me was planning to go out to do something, and it was really awkward and kind of eye-opening to me. I mean, I spend all my time with Pan-Asian, but I’m so outside of their circle that I find it hard to relate to them. And then every now and again I find myself saying really stupid things that make me look like a fool…that probably deducts from my coolness points. So at this rate I am much better suited to hang out with the freshmen that I have gotten to know, rather than to go with the people that are older than me or of my age. I think I’ve figured out why this happens, and it makes sense to me, but I don’t like the fact that I still do it. I need to have friends my own age! Ironically, I am probably one of the better-connected people on campus…I know a LOT of people, but I don’t get to connect to them. I really really want to change this. And I dunno, sometimes to do this I feel like I have to go outside of my comfort zone. Some of it is okay, but some of it might not ultimately be good for me. *sigh*
Throughout middle and high school I always felt like a loner who didn’t have the social skills enough to hang out with people that I truly connect with. I’m always looking down on my friends or being jealous of not being able to hang out with people I label as too cool for me. I need to find that happy medium.