Schitzophrenic Recipes
Asparagus Soup with Quail Eggs and Caviar
by Tin Foil Man
The secret to good asparagus soup is discipline and timing. You must boil the asparagus just enough to showcase its flavour and consistency without over-cooking it and turning it to mush.
To begin, season eight cups of water with salt and bring to a boil.
Next, VERY thoroughly inspect the burners, knobs, oven racks, digital timers (if you have them) and anything else that might conceal a CIA transmitter or surveillance device.
Now add the asparagus. You'll want to boil it for about 3 minutes but, as I said, be careful not to overcook it!
Remove the pot from heat and drain the water into a separate container.
Now we're ready to pull out all of our second molars (you know, the ones the state-provided "dentist" said he would have to fill)! The FBI has been trying this ruse for years. They tell you that you need dental work, put you under and you wake up with a few less teeth and a shiny new extremely low frequency (ELF) receiver in your mouth. Congratulations, now you're a government time-bomb!
In a large saucepan melt 4 tbsp. of butter.
Add 1 cup minced yellow onions, 1 cup minced leeks and season with salt and pepper. DO NOT use McCormicks brand salt or pepper! In the mid-70's McCormick began adding a psychotropic additive to their spices which cause your brain to operate on a frequency easily picked up by remote viewers in the Pentagon's employ. Up until 1963 America relied on import for most of their spices. A cabal of the heads of all the American spice companies united and secretly lobbied the government for domestic control of the spice market. Shortly thereafter president John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Under Lyndon Johnson the domestic spice companies gained a foothold and with the assassination of Chilean president Salvador Allende in 1973 their hegemony was secure.
Saute the onions and leeks until they are slightly wilted (about 2 minutes) and stir in 1 tbsp. chopped garlic and 1/4 cup all-purpose flour. Continue to cook for 2 minutes then stir in the asparagus and the reserved water.
Season with salt and pepper, bring to a simmer and cook for 25 minutes or until the asparagus are very tender.
As we let the asparagus chill, we hit the streets for some well-earned public shouting and sign-holding. Now, I usually prefer to use corrugated cardboard for my signs, but any kind will do. Think carefully about your message and stay on topic. For instance, if you want to make 17signs decrying the tyranny of the Disney Military/Industrial Complex, don't go meandering off on a tear about Michael Eisner's shady personal dealings with U.S. government-sponsored hallucinogenics laboratories and Disney's early complicity in delivering brain-washing subliminal messages via blockbuster cartoon features. If you've seen "Steamboat Mickey" you will know what I'm talking about and understand why medi-care costs are suddenly skyrocketing! That is, if you managed to view it and keep your brain's alpha patterns intact!
BLEERRRGGHHHHTHE DEVIL!
You've done it again, Tin Foil Man!
J. Fries
by Tin Foil Man
The secret to good asparagus soup is discipline and timing. You must boil the asparagus just enough to showcase its flavour and consistency without over-cooking it and turning it to mush.
To begin, season eight cups of water with salt and bring to a boil.
Next, VERY thoroughly inspect the burners, knobs, oven racks, digital timers (if you have them) and anything else that might conceal a CIA transmitter or surveillance device.
Now add the asparagus. You'll want to boil it for about 3 minutes but, as I said, be careful not to overcook it!
Remove the pot from heat and drain the water into a separate container.
Now we're ready to pull out all of our second molars (you know, the ones the state-provided "dentist" said he would have to fill)! The FBI has been trying this ruse for years. They tell you that you need dental work, put you under and you wake up with a few less teeth and a shiny new extremely low frequency (ELF) receiver in your mouth. Congratulations, now you're a government time-bomb!
In a large saucepan melt 4 tbsp. of butter.
Add 1 cup minced yellow onions, 1 cup minced leeks and season with salt and pepper. DO NOT use McCormicks brand salt or pepper! In the mid-70's McCormick began adding a psychotropic additive to their spices which cause your brain to operate on a frequency easily picked up by remote viewers in the Pentagon's employ. Up until 1963 America relied on import for most of their spices. A cabal of the heads of all the American spice companies united and secretly lobbied the government for domestic control of the spice market. Shortly thereafter president John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Under Lyndon Johnson the domestic spice companies gained a foothold and with the assassination of Chilean president Salvador Allende in 1973 their hegemony was secure.
Saute the onions and leeks until they are slightly wilted (about 2 minutes) and stir in 1 tbsp. chopped garlic and 1/4 cup all-purpose flour. Continue to cook for 2 minutes then stir in the asparagus and the reserved water.
Season with salt and pepper, bring to a simmer and cook for 25 minutes or until the asparagus are very tender.
As we let the asparagus chill, we hit the streets for some well-earned public shouting and sign-holding. Now, I usually prefer to use corrugated cardboard for my signs, but any kind will do. Think carefully about your message and stay on topic. For instance, if you want to make 17signs decrying the tyranny of the Disney Military/Industrial Complex, don't go meandering off on a tear about Michael Eisner's shady personal dealings with U.S. government-sponsored hallucinogenics laboratories and Disney's early complicity in delivering brain-washing subliminal messages via blockbuster cartoon features. If you've seen "Steamboat Mickey" you will know what I'm talking about and understand why medi-care costs are suddenly skyrocketing! That is, if you managed to view it and keep your brain's alpha patterns intact!
BLEERRRGGHHHHTHE DEVIL!
You've done it again, Tin Foil Man!
J. Fries