Envy *oneshot*
Pairing: HimUp
Rated: M
Length: 4.6K
The first time Himchan realized he was jealous of Daehyun was when Jongup was tired on the way back to the dorm from a radio interview. He'd fallen asleep with his head on Daehyun's shoulder and his arm haphazardly thrown over his lap and Himchan felt the first stirrings of anger deep in his gut.
Yesterday Jongup had used him as his personal pillow but today it was Daehyun he had chosen. Himchan didn't know why he felt so betrayed.
After a while he started to realize these feelings were jealousy that were building up inside of him. Jongup was supposed to be his own toy lapdog, someone who jumped up in excitement every time he was near, someone who clung to his every word and knew everything about him, inside and out.
He could deal with his close friendship with Junhong. That was kind of cute actually. They were like two little brothers who played together and had stupid inside jokes that no one else understood.
But Daehyun…
He was a whole different story and for some reason he was the one Himchan hated to see Jongup with the most.
"Come sit by me, Jonguppie," He patted the couch next to him, an empty seat he'd had to shove Yongguk out of an hour earlier. It was being saved for Jongup and no one was allowed near it.
Jongup patted his wet hair with a towel. "I think I'm going to go to bed, Himchan. It's been a long day."
The pout Himchan gave him had Jongup hesitating. Himchan knew he had wiggle room because he could always get Jongup to do anything with a few sweetly spoken words.
"But we've been so busy today and we've barely gotten to talk.” And now for the deal-clincher. “I miss you."
With a sigh, Jongup nodded and threw his wet towel onto Junhong's head. He ignored the yelp of disgust and dropped into the seat next to Himchan. "Okay but just for a little bit."
The smug smile on Himchan's face went unnoticed by everyone else. He wrapped an arm around Jongup's shoulders and pulled him closer until their sides were pressed together and Jongup's damp hair was tickling his neck.
Everything was fine until Daehyun stumbled out of his bedroom holding his stomach.
"I feel sick," He mumbled, looking bleary-eyed into their living room. "Did anyone else eat the meatballs at dinner?"
"Those meatballs were a week old," Youngjae supplied helpfully. "The rest of us have common sense."
Jongup shrugged Himchan's arm away and held his arms out, "Come here." He grabbed the pillow Himchan was using for his neck and placed it onto his legs. "Let me rub your head."
Daehyun collapsed on top of him, arms sliding around Jongup's waist and face buried against his chest. "I think I'm going to throw up."
"You're fine, Daehyunnie," Jongup's words were as soft as his fingertips as they stroked through the older boy's hair. "You want to sleep in my bed tonight?"
Himchan seethed quietly next to them, his hands clenched into fists and jaw so tight he thought he heard a tooth crack.
"I don't want to make Himchan mad," Daehyun whispered, wide eyes turning hopefully towards him. "Would you be mad if I slept in your room with Jongup tonight?"
He ground out a 'no' and watched as the two continued to murmur and laugh to each other.
"I'm going to bed," He ignored the oblivious smile Jongup shot him and stormed to the bedroom, hoping Daehyun threw up all over the both of them.
---
"You've been quiet lately," The empty seat next to him wasn't saved for anyone this time but Jongup slid into it anyways. Himchan had given up after the night Daehyun was sick. He was tired of this feeling of ache in his chest every time Jongup touched Daehyun and he was worried about what it meant. He wasn't an idiot, no matter what Youngjae told all the interviewers. The realization he had a thing for his roommate wasn't sitting well with him. "Are you not feeling well?"
"I'm fine," He shrugged off the probing palm trying to gauge his temperature. "Just want to be alone."
Jongup's lips parted in surprise. "Oh," The hurt look on his face made Himchan scream inwardly. "I'm sorry to bother you then." He smiled weakly and scooted down the couch where Junhong was sprawled out half-asleep already.
The rest of the members had gone to bed but Himchan had always been a restless sleeper, never able to close his eyes if he was upset over something, so he was usually the last one in the living room at night.
Jongup would tolerate his insomnia for an hour or two, keeping him company while they watched late-night infomercials or silly kid's cartoons. He'd stand up with a yawn and make Himchan promise to come to bed soon before shuffling off to his own side of the bedroom.
Tonight he stayed up hour after hour with a straight face and zero interest in what was on the television. He never looked Himchan's direction or spoke a single word. At midnight he nudged Junhong's feet off his lap and shook him awake.
"What time is it?" Junhong lifted his head sleepily.
"Late," Was Jongup's soft reply. "I'll help you to bed." He put an arm around his waist and easily took half his weight as they stumbled to him and Daehyun's room. When Jongup came back he took his seat again at the end of the couch and resumed his stiff posture.
By one in the morning Himchan was finally verging on drowsy but he was terrified of what was going on in Jongup's head. Sometimes it was the quiet ones that you needed to be careful of.
It took him twenty minutes to pep talk himself enough to finally reach for the remote and turn the television set off. He hoped the time it took for him to refold the blanket and put his empty water cup into the sink would be enough time for Jongup to slip away and into their room.
He was wrong.
"Are you mad at me?"
When he turned around there was Jongup, leaning against the kitchen wall and tiredly rubbing his eyes. The crestfallen face he was giving Himchan was tinged with a sliver of anger.
"Why would I be mad at you?"
Jongup crossed his arms and stared him down. It never ceased to amaze Himchan how one second he could be so gentle and shy and the next be so sure of himself that it made even Himchan cower in trepidation.
"I don't know and that's why it's pissing me off." Jongup pushed himself off from the wall and Himchan stumbled against the kitchen sink, trying hard to shove himself through it and disappear. "You've been acting weird for days and I want to know what I did."
Himchan swallowed and tried to breathe through his mouth because one whiff of Jongup's shampooed hair and he was already a mess. Pathetic, he growled in his head. You're absolutely pathetic.
"Nothing," He lied, pushing weakly at Jongup's shoulders to get him to step aside but the other boy was immovable and knocked his hands aside. "Get out of the way, Jongup. I'm tired."
"Well I'm tired of your shit," No one else but him knew that when Jongup was mad he cussed like a sailor on leave. Himchan loved it. Hearing foul words mar those pretty lips was hysterical to him and sometimes he'd purposely aggravate him just to bring them out.
Right now though the coarse language was kind of a turn-on and Himchan just wished he would stop. Being turned on by the word shit was not something he was proud of.
"I hate how you always pick Daehyun over me," The blunt confession jerked Jongup's head back in surprise and it took him a few seconds to turn the words over in his head. Himchan hated awkward silences and continued to babble hoping Jongup would just move so he could shut up and forget this night ever happened. "You always want to sit by him and touch him and I'm supposed to be your favorite and-"
"Himchan," Jongup blinked warily and took a step back from him. "Are you… jealous?"
He tried to look anywhere but at the tiny boy still staring stoically at him. "Of course not," He tried to make his laugh sound as sane as possible. "Why would I be jealous? I just like being more important to everyone. As if I was jealous of Jung Dae-"
"So if I asked Junhong to switch roommates with me you wouldn't care?"
Himchan was surprised by the possessive growl the question made him do. He was even more surprised by the amused tilt of Jongup's lips.
"Interesting. Goodnight Himchannie."
Without another word Jongup turned and calmly walked back to their room, leaving Himchan a shaking, horrified mess.
And Jongup didn't even have the decency to leave the light on for him.
---
Over the next few days Jongup was good as gold and it worried Himchan more and more with every passing hour. Yeah, he was steering clear of all of Daehyun's approaches but he was also treating Himchan like he was invisible. He didn't even say good morning when they woke up and Himchan always looked forward to the messy hair and wide smile Jongup would give him the second his head popped out from under the covers.
"You look like your puppy just died," Yongguk bumped his shoulder as they stood backstage and waited for their cue to go on. "Something bothering you?"
Himchan shrugged, leaning into Yongguk and watching the band before them finish up their song. As much as he thrived on affection he appreciated that Yongguk knew the exact moment he needed silence and someone to just stand beside him. "Wore out."
"I think we're all worn out," Yongguk agreed. "How come you're not attached to your little boyfriend? Jongup can't even use the bathroom without you banging on the door and asking how much longer he'll be."
"Oh god," Himchan closed his eyes. "Am I that obvious?"
Yongguk poked him in the ribs and laughed. "It's cute. I think I'm the only one who realizes what's going on though." He started to wrap an arm around Himchan's waist but jumped back with a muffled oomph as Jongup stormed between them. "You could have walked around us, you know."
"Could have," Jongup agreed, his eyes narrowing with annoyance at Himchan as he adjusted his mic. "Didn't want to."
"Well at least you can rest assured the feeling's mutual," Yongguk wasn't fazed by Jongup's attitude. He turned to Himchan with a grin. "Someone's sleeping on the couch tonight."
Himchan knocked his microphone to the floor and kicked it behind him out of spite. He smiled innocently as Yongguk cursed him and dropped to his knees to search. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
---
He did sleep on the couch that night, much to Yongguk's thinly veiled amusement. And the night after that, too. It wasn't until he cooked Jongup's favorite breakfast and slid it across the table with a pout that Jongup finally graced him with a tiny nod and Himchan knew he was forgiven.
"I want to go to the movies," Daehyun dropped a newspaper onto the middle of the table. "We have the night off and there's a new scary one starting. Who wants to go with me?"
The only other person who enjoyed horror flicks was Junhong and he excitedly raised his arm high into the air.
"Jonguppie?" Daehyun draped himself across his back and blew hotly against his ear trying to get his attention. "You want to go with us?"
Jongup glanced up at Himchan and smiled, innocent to everyone else, but Himchan knew every curve of his grins and this one was a plotting smile. This smile promised hell and it was one Himchan had never wanted to be on the receiving end of.
"Sure," He patted Daehyun's hand and held Himchan's gaze as his fingers slowly slid up the length of his arm to Daehyun's hair. Fingers carded softly through the long strands and with every second Himchan felt his expression grow darker. "You'll have to hold my hand though. I don't like scary shows."
Himchan swallowed, his eyes glued to the way Jongup's muscles flexed as his arm was raised above his head.
Two can play at this game, Jongup's eyes promised him. This was payback for what happened with Yongguk, Himchan was positive of it. And he hadn't even done anything, just leaned against him for a moment. It was enough to piss Jongup off though.
He awkwardly tugged his shirt lower and hoped no one else could see what jealous Jongup did to him.
The smirk pulling at the edges of Jongup's lips meant that at least one person had noticed.
---
Waiting on the three boys to come home from the theater was enough to drive Himchan crazy. He checked the clock sixteen times between 10:30 and 11 and picked his phone up at least a dozen to look for texts.
"You're driving me nuts," Youngjae rubbed his temples and pointed to the couch. "Sit down and calm yourself before I call the nuthouse. What the hell is wrong with you tonight?"
Yongguk snorted from behind his book and shot Himchan a knowing wink.
"Too keyed up to sleep," That at least was a partial truth. "I have insomnia."
"Well go to your room and pace in there so I don't have to keep watching it." Youngjae yawned as he stood up. "Actually I'm going to bed. But you should still go to your room because you're annoying and Yongguk doesn't want to play with you either."
Normally he would have a smartass response to Youngjae's catty remarks but tonight his mind was a million miles away and full of Jongup so he nodded obediently and did as he was told.
It wasn't until 11:17 that Jongup finally opened the door to their bedroom, smiling slightly when he saw Himchan sitting on his bed.
"Still up, Himchannie?" He spoke so nonchalantly that Himchan wondered if maybe all of this wasn't to get back at him, that maybe Jongup wasn't aware of how much torture it had been sitting here all night and imagining him with Daehyun. "Sorry we're late. Daehyun wanted to go to a dance club we passed and he drank his weight in cheap beer." He laughed quietly. "He sure is a handsy drunk."
Okay so maybe he did know exactly what he was doing.
"Whatever," He jiggled his leg nervously and watched Jongup rummage through the dresser for pajamas. His hand still bore the entry stamp of whatever club they had gone too and Himchan seethed with jealousy knowing Daehyun's skin bore an identical mark. "Wash it off."
Jongup tilted his head in confusion until he looked down to where Himchan's eyes were boring holes into. "This?" At Himchan's nod he shrug and went back to changing clothes. "Nah. It'll come off in the shower tomorrow." He reached over his head to yank at the t-shirt he was wearing and threw it at Himchan's feet. "What did you guys do here tonight?"
Fingers deftly undid the button to his jeans and Himchan lost his train of thought for a few seconds as Jongup slid them to his feet.
"Watched…" He licked his lips and looked away because Jongup was reaching for the hem of his boxers and Himchan didn't think he could handle that right now. "Watched TV. Yongguk made us watch a documentary on the planet Venus."
"Yongguk and you have a good time together?"
The words were clipped but Himchan was too busy counting ceiling tiles to notice. "Mmhmm."
It wasn't until a balled-up pair of pajama pants slapped him in the face that he realized Jongup had reacted negatively to whatever it was they were talking about.
"What was that for?"
Jongup stood by the dresser and glared at him. He'd changed his boxers and slid on an old faded tank top, but the pants he was getting ready to put on where currently hanging off of Himchan's shoulder.
"So it's okay for you to hang all over Yongguk but I can't even go to the movies with Daehyun?"
"What?" Himchan was so confused that he wondered if he'd accidentally swallowed some of his mouth wash and made himself sick. His head couldn’t keep up with Jongup's mood swings. "What are you talking about?" His finger pointed angrily across the room at Jongup. "And just go ahead and lie and say you didn't dance with Daehyun."
"So what if I did?" Jongup slammed the dresser drawer shut and crossed his arms. "Maybe I enjoyed it, too."
Himchan jumped to his feet, pajama pants sliding off and hitting the floor without either of them noticing. "Take it back."
Jongup stepped forward at the exact time Himchan did the same, their chests pressing together and lips so close that Himchan could smell the traces of beer still clinging to his breath.
"Make me."
His lips were slick and puffy from the way he was always chewing on them and Himchan only made it worse when his teeth scraped across the bottom, tugging it towards him until Jongup whined.
"He likes it when I dance behind him," Jongup leaned forward to whisper haughtily when Himchan had let go. "And I hold onto him by the hips."
This time Himchan was the one whining as Jongup's teeth sunk into the lobe of his ear.
"Yongguk likes to drink a lot and put his head in my lap as he falls asleep," Himchan's voice was so hoarse that all he could do was growl out the lie to make Jongup kiss down his neck harder, the palms encircling his hips squeeze tighter, he would say anything to make the jealousy course through Jongup. A jealous Jongup was more than enough to make his eyes roll back in his head in pleasure. He wondered how far he could take him. "Once during training I gave him a hand job when we were drunk."
That was actually true and something they had both sworn each other to secrecy about, but it was enough to send Jongup over the edge, teeth biting down so hard into his collarbones that Himchan saw sparks.
After that it was a whirlwind of sharp teeth, scratching and growled threats as they worked their way backwards, Himchan's legs finally finding the bed. He fell sideways, yanking Jongup with him until he was caged into the sheets, Jongup's body hot and hard above him.
"Why Daehyun?" Jongup's eyes were glassy as he lifted his head from the red mark he had been sucking below Himchan's navel. "Why are you so crazy about him and no one else?"
"You look happy when you're with him," Himchan's lips parted as fingertips danced in and out of his jeans. "I hate it when he makes you happy. That’s mine. Why-" His question was put on hold as Jongup unzipped his jeans and tugged them over his legs, throwing them somewhere behind them. "Why Yongguk?"
Jongup smiled against the curve of his inner thigh. "It's actually everyone. Yongguk just happened to be the one closest to you lately."
That made Himchan feel a little better for being so irrational about Daehyun. The other members near Jongup never bothered him. He knew Junhong was his best friend, Youngjae talked down to him and it annoyed Jongup, and he was pretty sure Yongguk frightened everyone.
But Daehyun was competition and he needed to be squashed.
"So in other words," Himchan flipped them around and pressed himself against Jongup, grinning at the low moan it earned him. "In other words, you're more jealous than I am."
"Shut up."
"Say it," His fingers walked teasingly up Jongup's chest, pushing the tank top up to his shoulders. "Say you're obsessed with me." A sharp slap to his thigh made him hiss but Himchan wasn't one to give up. "Say you love me the most."
Jongup rolled his eyes and clamped his lips shut tight. "Uh-uh."
Himchan used his knee to nudge gently between Jongup's legs. They were teetering on the point of no return and they both knew it. One more baby step and Himchan wasn't going to be able to form words much less do any teasing.
"Jonguppie…"
The dark eyes trained on his were wary. The tip of Jongup's tongue came out to moisten the corner of his mouth and Himchan caught it between his lips, this kiss much less bruising than the last. He was finally able to taste the real Jongup beneath the fading beer and it was a kiss that made Himchan lightheaded and bleary-eyed when he finally pulled away.
"I love you the most," Jongup whispered hesitantly. He ran his palms down the length of Himchan's back and over the curve of his hips. "Are we really doing this?"
"Unless you tell me to stop," And he really, really hoped that didn't happen because he didn't think he would ever be able to recover.
"I won't," Jongup smiled as he moved against him, the lightest swaying of his hips that had Himchan's eyelids fluttering. Another one, harder this time, Jongup's smile slipping away and being replaced with parted lips and flushed cheeks.
Himchan braced himself on his elbows, winding his fingers inside Jongup's soft hair. He could have helped, next time he'd reciprocate, but right now he was going to fully enjoy the way Jongup held him tightly and rubbed against him.
The only sound he could hear in the sleeping apartment was Jongup’s breaths, soft at first and then louder and needier until he was red with desperation and want.
“Take them off,” Jongup ordered, pushing shakily at Himchan’s boxers before reaching for his own. They stumbled together until both of the offending clothing were tangled around ankles and ignored. Jongup reached between them, thumb stroking him for the slightest of seconds.
“Fucking hell,” Himchan dropped his head, groaning unashamedly against Jongup’s shoulder.
Jongup laughed breathlessly as he fisted the two of them together inexperiencedly, skin sliding against each other slow and then fast and palm so tight that it should have been painful but Himchan had passed the point of caring seven strokes ago.
“I’m supposed to be the one with the dirty mouth,” The tease went unnoticed because Himchan’s brain was only paying attention to one thing and that was how this was infinitely better than anything he could have imagined. And he had imagined it. Many times.
“Himchan?” Jongup’s voice was strained, a new sound, one he hadn’t ever heard before and he prided himself on knowing every facet of the enigma that was Moon Jongup. If it was physically possible, knowing he was probably the first one to ever hear that tone of voice made him even harder. “Close?”
One more word and he was probably going to empty himself all over Jongup’s hand with no notice.
He barely managed a nod before Jongup sighed in relief and closed his eyes. Himchan watched and memorized how Jongup’s brow furrowed and the exact shape of his eyelids as they clenched tighter the closer he came. The imprint of his top teeth on his puffy swollen lip would be something he would never be able to forget because (and he’d never admit this to Jongup) it was the last thing Himchan remembered before his brain shut down and instinct took over.
“Oh my god,” Jongup’s back arched off the bed as Himchan’s hand pushed his away and claimed control. The touch was faster and smoother and made Jongup pant obscenely against Himchan’s throat. “Oh hell…”
---
Fifteen minutes later, when Himchan was sated and boneless, face pressed flat against Jongup's neck, he didn't think anything could ever top this moment. Nothing would ever be better than the taste of Jongup's sweat on his tongue and the sound of his labored breathing.
He was so damn happy that nothing, absolutely nothing, was going to yank him down from this high tonight.
"So when the fuck did you give Yongguk a hand job?"
---
“I know you’re supposed to stay neutral but tell me,” The host winked behind her glasses. “Who is everyone’s favorite member?”
Himchan sat up straight and immediately looked to Jongup. While he waited for everyone else to answer he thought to himself what he would say this time. Last week when the question was posed he said he liked Jongup for his sweetness. The month before it was because he followed Himchan around like a puppy.
But after last night, he had a whole slew of things he could say he liked the most about Jongup. Things that should probably not ever be repeated on a live interview though.
“I like Daehyun the most.”
The soft answer made Himchan whip his head around in shock. He blinked wide-eyed at an infuriatingly calm Jongup beside him.
“He is the nicest to me,” Jongup grinned down at where Daehyun sat in front of him and patted him gently on the head. “And he doesn’t hog the blankets when he sleeps. Unlike other people.”
Himchan was the next to answer and the carefully thought out response flew right out of his head as he tried to figure out what the hell was happening.
“Umm… Yongguk?” He finally replied, naming the first person he seen. “We’ve been friends the longest.”
When the host moved on to other topics he risked a hurt glance beside him again. Jongup was stone-faced, a usual look for him in interviews, but only Himchan knew him well enough to notice the muscle ticking every time he angrily rolled his jaw.
When Youngjae, the furthest member away from him had the microphone, he used one hand to slyly cover up his lips in a pretend cough.
“What was that for?” He muttered, low enough that only Jongup could hear it.
“Payback,” Jongup gritted out in reply, sliding a look sharp enough to cut glass in Yongguk’s direction. “And there’s more where that came from.”
When the interview was blessedly over, Himchan jumped up to intercept Jongup on the way out but he reached for Daehyun’s hand instead. Shockwaves of pain rumbled through Himchan’s system and it was all he could do not to rip Jongup’s innocent hand out of Daehyun’s dirty one.
“You had to say it was me, didn’t you?” Yongguk poked him hard in between his shoulder blades. “Are you an idiot?”
“He named Daehyun first,” Himchan pouted, watching the two boys laugh at something Junhong was doing. “He started it.”
Yongguk started to slide an arm around his shoulders but froze when he caught the glare Jongup was sending to him as he broke away from the other two boys and headed straight for them. “Please tell me he doesn’t know about what happened that New Year’s Eve seven years ago.” At Himchan’s silence, Yongguk groaned and shoved him away. “I take it back. You are an idiot.”
“That’s my idiot,” Jongup retorted calmly. “And payback’s coming for you, too. You won’t know when it’s coming and you won’t know where it’s coming.” He grabbed for Himchan’s hand and narrowed his eyes at Yongguk. “But it’s coming.”
Yongguk pinched the bridge of his nose. He rolled his neck around and sighed happily at the loud crack it made. “I deserve a vacation…”