I Ain't Losing Something I Ain't Got *oneshot*
***request from Tumblr for a HimUp fic to celebrate Jongup's bday***
Pairing: HimUp
Rated: M (smut)
Length: 5.4K
SONG
His friends had promised him the best birthday surprise in the universe but for his last birthday they had chipped in and bought a single-serving pizza so Jongup wasn’t holding his breath for anything to write home about. Maybe they would splurge and throw in some breadsticks if he was lucky.
So when the doorbell rang at seven on the dot that evening he opened it fully expecting to be greeted by a delivery man, shortly followed by the two assholes he called his friends.
“You’re not from Domino’s.”
The tall black-haired man blinked in confusion, head tilted to the side. “Was that part of the instructions? They told me to dress casually. I have a mail delivery costume that I can go back and get but not a Domino’s one.”
Jongup stared back, just as confused now. “I think you have the wrong apartment.”
“Are you Jongup?” At Jongup’s nod he stood straighter, confidence emanating from his pores. “Then I’m at the right place.” He took two steps into the apartment and shut the door behind him. “I’m your birthday present.”
He choked on his saliva and went into a coughing fit that took him ages to get over. When he had finally calmed down he shook his head and pointed shakily to the door. “I don’t know what you want but I’m waiting for my friends and-“
“A Junhong and…” The stranger pulled his phone out and scrolled through it looking for something. “And a Youngjae? They told me to wish you happy birthday and that when they saw you tomorrow you better be limping.”
“Oh my god,” Jongup felt like his throat was closing up and wondered if he was having an asthma attack even when he didn’t actually have asthma. “They hired you to have sex with me? You’re getting paid for this?”
An eyebrow raised up in amusement as Jongup covered his face and groaned in despair. “Getting paid a lot of money, too. So if you don’t mind chilling the hell out we can be started and I can be home in time to do laundry.”
“I don’t think this is something I want to do.” Jongup wrung his hands nervously in front of him and eyed the door wondering if he could make it out before the bigger man stopped him. Then he remembered that this was his apartment and that if he would still just be waiting when he came back. “I’m sorry if they wasted your time but-“
“They told me you would be nervous.” The man’s deep voice didn’t match his beautiful face at all, something Jongup had noticed the second he had answered the door. It raked along his skin like sharp nails and sandpaper, making goosebumps pop up under his long-sleeved shirt. “I was given strict instructions not to go anywhere no matter what you tried to do.” He cocked his head to the side again, giving him a tiny frown. “Are you wanting a different worker? Your friends thought I was the closest to your type, but if you’re not pleased I can call someone else for you.”
He shook his head emphatically because his stupid idiotic best friends had hit the nail directly on the head with this one. With the long black hair, pale skin and thick body this was pretty much every dirty fantasy he’d ever had come to life. And that gravelly voice coming out of those pretty lips was already making him uncomfortable in his jeans.
“No, no you’re not- I just don’t-“ He took a deep breath and closed his eyes because he was too ashamed to see the disgusted look the other man would give him. “I’ve never had sex before. I’m a virgin.”
“I know.” The calm answer shocked him. He cracked open his eyes to see deep black ones staring straight inside of him. “That’s why they called me. There’s no reason to be embarrassed.” He grinned and a dimple appeared under his eye, a tiny characteristic that shouldn’t have sent Jongup’s blood rushing every faster down. “I’ve had odder calls than that.”
They both moved further into the apartment, the stranger taking a casual step towards him and Jongup jumping away with a gasp. “They keep telling me it’s weird to be twenty and never had sex, but I don’t want to just sleep with a random person and you’re a random person so if you could just go then I-” If the tall boy got any closer then they would be breathing the same air and Jongup was already so hard he thought he would burst. No matter what his head said, his body was screaming something completely different. Being able to smell him and count his eyelashes would no help him in getting this person out of his apartment.
“Kid, I’m the best.” Annoyance flittered through his eyes. Jongup figured he wasn’t used to having to work so hard to do his job. “I’ve never had a complaint. In fact, most people call for repeat performances. Trust me, losing your virginity with me is a million times better than with some jackass who’s done in two minutes and doesn’t even try to get you off.” This time he didn’t let Jongup tripping away stop him. Jumping forward he trapped him inside his arms, back stiff against the living room wall. “I’m going to tell you the rules and then we can start, okay?”
Jongup tried to say something but a palm, warm and heavy against the front of his jeans stopped every thought in his brain. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. Junhong and Youngjae did pay for his services. It would be a waste of money to send him away now, he consoled himself. “Okay?”
“Rule number one,” His tongue traced the curve of Jongup’s jaw, from the center all the way up to his ear where his breath blew against the sensitive shell of his ear. “No kissing. You can put your mouth on any other part of my body but the lips are off limits. Rule two, condoms are non-negotiable. Even for blowjobs. Got that so far?”
All he could concentrate on was the way the man’s hand ground into him and made him lose his breath only to pull away seconds later. If he was supposed to beg then he was seconds away from giving him exactly what he wanted. “Yeah, yeah, sure.”
Teeth scraped against his lobe as the man’s fingers started to slowly undo the button of his jeans. “Last rule, no personal questions. My name is Himchan and that’s all you need to know about me. All clear?”
Jongup was tight as glass under the man’s experienced touch, rock hard but with the ability to shatter at any second. He mouthed the name to himself as Himchan pushed his jeans down and dropped to the floor on his knees.
“Never had a customer refuse me yet.” He bragged, eying the telltale bulge in Jongup’s boxers. In his back pocket he had a handful of condoms that he pulled out and placed on the floor beside him.
The second his fingers started to tug the hem of the boxers down Jongup reached out and shoved at him in alarm. “Not yet!”
Himchan sighed and raised an eyebrow upwards. “Are you one of those customers who likes a show? I can touch myself if you really want but that won’t help you get your little problem taken care of.”
Jongup took a second to catch his breath before he could reply. “No, I meant I don’t want it like that.” He gulped nervously and pointed towards the kitchen. “Do you maybe want some dinner first?”
The confusion on Himchan’s scrunched up face was almost adorable, but Jongup didn’t think he would appreciate hearing that so he stayed silent. “You want me to eat with you?”
He pointed to the kitchen again because his blood was still running hotter than normal and he wasn’t positive he wouldn’t start grunting like a caveman if Himchan didn’t get his face from out of his lap. “Pizza?”
Himchan finally nodded and climbed back to his feet, eyes studying Jongup intently. After Jongup had shakily tugged his jeans back up and forced his heart under control he was able to walk purposefully to the kitchen and turn the oven on. All he had was sausage so he didn’t bother asking Himchan what kind he preferred. After placing it into the oven and turning the timer on he was able to face Himchan with some semblance of control again.
“Want to watch TV until it’s done?”
Again Himchan nodded. Jongup wasn’t sure if he was obeying because he wanted to or because he was still in too much shock that Jongup wasn’t falling under his spell yet.
“What kind of shows do you like?” After a few moments of silence Jongup turned it on to something he enjoyed and sat back against the couch, fingers tapping anxiously on his thigh.
“Why are you doing this?” Himchan’s voice was low and unsure next to him. “No one’s ever not wanted me.”
Jongup had regained a tiny sliver of confidence back after noticing how submissive the cocky boy became when his advances were refused. He liked that but he wasn’t sure why yet. “I’m not someone who wants to sleep with a nobody just to get it over with.” He explained patiently. “But you’re obviously not going to leave no matter what I say so if we’re going to do this then you’re going to eat dinner with me and talk to me first.”
Himchan’s lips were still pulled downwards but his shoulders relaxed a tiny bit as he leaned towards Jongup on the couch. “Rule three.”
“Then make stuff up.” Jongup told him with a smile. “It’s not like I’ll ever know the truth.”
“You’re the strangest customer I’ve ever had.” The shy smile Himchan gave back to him was genuine. “I would have already had my dick inside and been halfway done by now with anyone else.”
Jongup flinched from the crude words. Sex was something that was supposed to be special and he had always imagined his first time would be with someone who loved him and looked at him with elation in their eyes. But if his friends were starting to become embarrassed for him then maybe they were right and he needed to just get over that block in his mind.
“Yeah, that’s not how it’s happening by the way.”
“Wait, what?”
The timer for the oven went off, saving Jongup from answering the flustered question. “Pizza’s done.” He announced happily, leaving Himchan still staring after him in distress. “I always eat at the couch if that’s okay with you?”
“Okay?” Himchan was starting to look more and more like a human and less like a sex robot the longer Jongup was in his presence. The smug grin he had sauntered into his apartment with had long evaporated and left a timid and unsure man behind. Jongup liked that version of Himchan so much more.
They ate in silence, eyes glued to the movie Jongup had turned on.
Occasionally he would shift and his arm would brush against Himchan’s and the feel of his soft skin was driving him to distraction. Once his plate was clean Jongup grew uncomfortable again and felt his shoulders start to re-tighten until Himchan scooted closer and pressed their sides together. He was so close that he could feel the way Himchan’s shirt slowly rose and fell with every breath he took and he could smell the beer he had given him on his breath.
“How long are you here for?” Jongup finished eating and turned his head to look up at the curve of Himchan’s profile, marveling again at how gorgeous he was.
“I-I don’t know.” Himchan swallowed, his gaze still turned forward. “They just told me to sleep with you and that was it. You’re not really following my normal schedule.”
Jongup cautiously lifted a finger to trace a line down his arm, smiling to himself at how the soft touch made Himchan’s eyes flutter. “Do you want to go get some ice cream?”
At his innocent question Himchan burst into relieved laughter. “Yeah.” His grin kept making Jongup’s skin tighten and he was struck with the realization that if they had met in any other situation he probably would have liked Himchan. Liked him so much that he would have dreamed about this moment happening naturally and not forced like this. “Chocolate. With sprinkles.”
No way would a boring favorite like vanilla suit the boy next to him.
“Let’s go then.”
On the way out of the apartment Jongup bit down sharply on the inside of his cheek to hide his smile when Himchan’s fingers tentatively brushed against his own. When he took the lead and braided them together he snuck a glance up at the taller man and was amused to see a blush forming across his neck.
Oh yeah, Himchan was definitely his type.
--
“-and then he came home crying and couldn’t work for three days because his ass was in so much pain!”
They both laughed until their stomachs hurt when they burst through the apartment door three hours later. The ice cream was still sticky on his fingers as Jongup tried clumsily to untie his shoelaces. The bar they had passed on the way home might not have been a good idea. Himchan was leaning heavily on his shoulder and relating stories of his roommate’s introduction into the business, completely ignoring rule number three. Jongup had thought they were so funny that Himchan continued to think of more and more incidents of how Daehyun had seen how much money there was to be made from the job and had convinced Himchan to put in a good word for him.
“Does he still see that client?”
“Every Friday at eight.” Himchan snorted into his shoulder. “I think he’s become addicted to his dick. One Friday a few months ago he was sick and I thought he was going to kill himself for missing their meeting. I had to find another tiny submissive bottom at the last second and he was just lucky they’re a dime a dozen.”
Himchan let Jongup start on his shoes next, fingers stroking softly through his dark brown hair. “You’re the sexiest client I’ve had.” The alcohol fuzzing his brain made his tongue loosen. “And the sweetest.” His nose wrinkled cutely when Jongup looked up at him. “Why are you sexy and sweet? That makes my job harder.”
“Would you rather I be ugly and an asshole?”
“Asshole would be great.” Himchan lifted his foot so Jongup could slide the first shoe off. “I like it when they’re rude.”
“Why?” Jongup was untying the other laces as slow as possible because Himchan’s nails scratching across his scalp felt amazing. His head nuzzled against the palm when Himchan paused to think about the question.
Chuckling, he resumed his movements, other hand cupping the softness of Jongup’s cheek and thumb pressing into his plush bottom lip. “Because I don’t have to think.”
Jongup finished removing his shoes but didn’t want to move just yet because talking like this was so much easier than looking into each other’s eyes would be. If they didn’t have to look at each other then the truth spilled out like water between them. “Do I make you think?”
Himchan’s lips parted as he stared down at the boy suddenly pressing open-mouthed kisses against his belly. Cold fingers tickled their way around his hips and pushed the thin t-shirt up so that he could mouth over the thin skin of Himchan’s hips. He completely forgot the question when he looked down to see Jongup’s dark eyes looking straight into his, no trace at all of the earlier hesitation when he had shown up on his doorstep.
“What are you thinking right now?” Jongup murmured, pulling back just enough to undo the button to Himchan’s jeans and yanking them over his hips. “About me. What do you think about me?”
When he flattened his tongue over the front of Himchan’s tight boxers he could feel the way the muscles under his hands trembled as he fought hard to stay in control. He slowly tugged them lower and lower, his eyes never breaking from Himchan’s own bleary ones.
“I think I made a big mistake letting you fix me supper.” Himchan’s voice hitched at the end when Jongup’s warm breath hit his sensitive skin for the first time. “I’m supposed to do this for you.” He protested, hands sinking further into Jongup’s long hair anyways. “It’s my job to take care of my client.” His head hit the hard wood of the door and he had to force his words out through gritted teeth. Jongup’s tongue was making tiny kittenish flicks across the tip and it was making his head start to swim.
“I don’t really know what to do.” Jongup’s face nose crinkled up at him even as he expertly twisted his wrist around Himchan. “Is this okay?”
All he could do was moan brokenly from above him because even if the mouth now covering half of his dick and counting was sloppy and uncoordinated he was trying. so. damn. hard.
The room was filled with the sounds of Jongup trying to keep clumsy pace with Himchan’s hands jerking him forward and tugging him away until he was scrambling against his pale skin and leaving red gashes down the milky white coloring. His eyes were tear-filled and heavy as Himchan panted his name into the air, filling Jongup’s throat and making him gag around him.
“Oh god oh god I’m going to be fired for this…” Himchan leaned against the front door and tried to catch his breath as Jongup readjusted his boxers and jeans.
“I’m not going to tell.” Jongup’s already soft voice was made even softer by the raw throat Himchan had given him. “Was I-“
“Glorious. Fucking glorious.” Himchan pulled him up by the sleeves and fumbled with his jeans, trying for the second time that night to remove them from the most stubborn client he’d ever met. “Your turn.”
Jongup pushed his hands away again, earning a frustrated growl of disapproval. “Bedroom.” He knew he wasn’t allowed to kiss Himchan on the mouth but his tongue was aching to lave at something and the creamy skin of his neck seemed like the best shot. He lapped and bit at the pulse pounding under his skin and felt Himchan turn to jelly again in his hands.
They stumbled their way into Jongup’s tiny bedroom, only making it two steps in when Himchan had reached his breaking point and shoved Jongup onto the unmade bed. He landed with a hard thud on the cell phone he had thrown down earlier and forgotten but if Himchan noticed he didn’t care, quickly crawling over Jongup and pulling his shirt over his head.
“Jesus,” His hands smoothed across Jongup’s tanned skin and into each crack and crevice of his muscles. “How are you still a virgin?”
“I’m picky.” Jongup wasn’t completely new to what they were doing, he did have a few boyfriends in his history. But none whose touch had made his heart pound as hard in his chest or whose deep eyes made him feel like drowning. “Was waiting for something amazing. Like you.”
Himchan bit sharply into his collarbone, making Jongup hiss in either pleasure or pain, he couldn’t really tell at this point. “You can’t say things like that.”
“You’re drunk. You won’t remember.”
A chuckle vibrated against him and the movements ricocheted through his entire body. “Getting your dick sucked sobers you up a little.” He pulled back to look at him, memorizing every freckle and eyelash and blink. “I can’t break another rule, Jongup. I can’t.”
“Then don’t.” Jongup slid his fingers up Himchan’s smooth back, pushing his shirt up and off at the same time. “Hasn’t anyone ever been nice to you when you slept with them?”
Of course they were. Petted his head and called him a good boy before they threw a pile of money on him and left without a look back. But no one had ever stared so deeply into him before, no one had ever touched him first without expecting something in return.
“Lie down.” He ignored the question to push Jongup to the bed and get a good look at the way his chest was heaving impatiently and the muscles along his stomach tightened with anticipation. “How do you want it?” His tongue traced down Jongup’s sweaty sternum and around his belly button.
“You’re not going to like it.” Jongup panted. His hands squeezed into the sheets below him as Himchan mouthed over the zipper of his jeans, hands smoothing along surprisingly strong thighs below him.
Now the inner freak came out, Himchan thought to himself wryly. But before he could ask what he meant, Jongup had flipped them over and was now hovering over top of him with a shy smile and hair in his eyes.
“There was no rule number four.” He told him sweetly, grinding forward and making Himchan gasp loudly in the quiet room. “But I want it like this.” Himchan had his eyes closed and lips clamped shut, too strung tight to voice the displeasure the revelation gave him. “Don’t bite your tongue. I want to hear you.”
He could tell Himchan wasn’t used to being the submissive one. Dominance and the need to control what happened was obvious in the way his eyes flashed angrily upwards even when his body was straining and trembling against Jongup’s own.
“I want,” He moaned when Jongup dropped heavier over top of him and rutted harder over his already too confining jeans. “To add rule four.”
“Too late.” Jongup yanked hard on his jeans and boxers after pulling out the condoms and tiny bottle of lube Himchan had kept in the pocket. “Spread your legs.”
Where the innocent and nervous boy he had met hours ago had gone Himchan didn’t know. This Jongup had no business being untouched for so long. This Jongup should have been broadcasted to the world.
He did as he was told, shame reddening his cheeks.
“Who’s the shy one now?” Jongup grinned against his neck as he uncapped the lube and spilled it across his fingers. The hands gripping his shoulders tightened at the first gentle nudge inside making Jongup murmur soothingly, tongue tracing the sharp collarbones and skin that he had guessed hours ago would be soft and delicious. He pressed forward until he could go no further, his own body taut with expectation. “I’ve never-“
“Just slide in and out.” Himchan’s nails dug in deeper, words shoved out through gritted teeth. “Then add a second one.”
Jongup followed his instructions but kept his eyes trained onto Himchan’s clenched ones instead of watching the way Himchan sucked him in greedily because no matter how much he needed to get off (and it was enough that it hurt to even breath at this point) he wanted Himchan to feel amazing even more. Once the sharp expression started to soften and Himchan’s thinned lips parted he knew he had to be doing something right so he started to stretch him (eight years of watching porn had to pay off sometime, he figured).
“Open your eyes,” He breathed, desperate to see how black Himchan’s pupils could become when he was aroused. “I want to watch you.”
Himchan’s eyelids barely opened but it was enough to make Jongup swallow the moan trying to escape. Blown irises that looked seconds away from losing it stared back at him. When Jongup curled his fingers inside of him and dragged his nail across the far end Himchan’s neck rolled back and he whimpered into his palm.
“Please,” He dropped his head to the side and pleaded with Jongup. “Now. Please.”
Nodding, Jongup carefully removed himself and reached for one of the discarded condoms spread out beside them. This at least he had a little more practice in since sometimes he didn’t want to make a mess and used them when he was alone. He rolled it on with ease and poured more of the lube into his palm.
When Himchan saw the indecision on his face he gave him what was probably supposed to be a reassuring smile but came out as a pained grimace when Jongup aligned them together and as slowly as possible started to enter him for the second time.
Jongup felt the world closing in around him, lights and sounds and fireworks exploding inside his brain and behind his eyelids, growing stronger with every inch forward he made. The second he felt himself bottom out he made himself rigid and unmoving so that Himchan could be the one to decide when they were okay to go.
“Too gentle,” Himchan whimpered, making Jongup open his eyes again. “Too nice,” He clasped Jongup’s hips and pushed his own upwards so that they both felt the vibrations throughout their bodies. “Too good.”
He broke a tiny bit inside from the shattered expression on Himchan’s delicate features. That he thought Jongup treating him well was something to be scared of made him wonder what kinds of things those other men did to him. The mental image made Jongup growl low in his throat, the sound causing Himchan to plead once more for him to move, do anything, fuck him, destroy him.
“This is your chance to do any fantasy you’ve ever had.” Himchan was going to go hoarse if he kept straining his throat every time he tried to speak. “Why aren’t you doing anything?”
“I want to make sure you’re okay first.” Jongup pushed the bangs out of Himchan’s face then moved his hand down to thumb the swollen lip Himchan had kept tucked between his teeth most of the last twenty minutes. “And this is my fantasy.” Nothing in his wildest dreams could ever be more beautiful than Himchan below him, sweaty and slack-jawed as he quickly pulled halfway out of him only to slam back in. Something in his brain was wondering why this was supposed to be so wrong between them because Jongup had never felt more right in his bones than he did right this second.
Himchan couldn’t keep their gazes locked for very long, guilt and shame making him break the contact and look away, but Jongup only wanted to keep his eyes on him as he finally worked his way into a rhythm that had both of them panting from the movements.
This was nothing like his hand, something obvious, but he never imagined it could be this intimate, this strong, between him and someone else. He wanted to kiss the pained look off of Himchan’s face and kiss him until he forgot his own name and only ever answered to “Jongup’s”.
“Look at me,” He held Himchan’s wrist to his mouth, consoling himself that even if he didn’t get to kiss him on the lips then at least he could feel his soft skin somewhere. The fist uncurled and cupped his face as Himchan shook his head. “You’re Himchan.” Jongup had watched enough porn to know that it wasn’t supposed to be like this. They weren’t supposed to feel this connected, they were melded together in body and mind and it should never have happened this way but he didn’t care. “You’re the boy I met at a bar and drank with for three hours.” Himchan opened his eyes when Jongup stopped moving and murmured against his palm. “You like chocolate ice cream and really disgusting beer and I can feel your smile all the way to my toes. You’re just Himchan, nothing else.”
Only when Himchan relaxed and tried to smile back at him did Jongup resume the slow gliding in and out, this time with their eyes locked together and neither willing to look away.
“Harder,” Himchan mouthed. His knees fell further to the sides so that Jongup could go deeper and it was just that tiny bit of movement that made Himchan whine high and needy in the back of his throat.
Jongup complied, but only because he was now closer to the other boy, their sweat-slicked chests rubbing together and faces so close that if he licked his lips he would be able to taste Himchan on his tongue.
“Just. Himchan.” He repeated, feeling his legs start to give out and his movements becoming reckless and unpredictable.
“Don’t stop,” Himchan’s voice was rough and exhausted even while his body jerked wildly underneath Jongup’s own. A moan of Jongup’s name left his lips just before their stomachs grew slicker and warmer. “Please don’t stop.”
He tried to, because if Himchan wanted it he would try so hard, but it proved fruitless the harder Himchan’s body spasmed underneath his, breath catching in a groan as he filled the condom Himchan had been so adamant he wear.
The euphoria took him so long to come down from that the next thing he knew he was the one on the bottom and Himchan was hovering above him, fingers carding calmly through his hair and across his eyelids and smoothing along his lips before cleaning him up and tugging his boxers back on.
“Precious boy,” Himchan whispered into his neck. “The world is going to chew you up and spit you out.”
His body was still sweat and shaking but Jongup realized he was completely exhausted, physically and mentally. “Stay,” His hand found Himchan’s and he pulled him into his chest. “Don’t leave yet. Stay the night?”
Himchan didn’t reply but he also didn’t remove Jongup’s arm from across his waist.
The last thing Jongup remembered before falling into the heaviest sleep of his life was Himchan’s hair tickling the corner of his lips and how his legs felt tangled inside of his own under the blankets.
Jongup fell asleep happy.
--
Himchan stared wide-eyed at the ceiling until Jongup’s breath started to even out next to him. Then he stared some more just to make sure he was really asleep. He finally chanced it and slipped unheard from beneath the covers so that he could fumble around in the dark for his clothes.
Jongup stayed fast asleep while he dressed and Himchan knew he probably wouldn’t be waking until the sun was high in the sky and only hunger pierced his consciousness.
He looked down at him, biting his lip and bringing his fingers to the curve of Jongup’s bottom lip where he was finally able to touch him and not let Jongup see the disgust in his eyes at what he was. A whore, he was nothing but a whore and deep down Jongup knew it. He was unclean and not worth the emotions Jongup spilled out towards him.
Breaking his last rule, the one that meant the most because it was the only thing that kept a part of him safe for whoever he decided to have it, Himchan leaned forward to brush his lips gently against Jongup’s. He blinked sudden unwanted tears away and turned to leave before he messed things up even more and woke Jongup up.
Back to real life.
--
Daehyun was asleep on the couch when he got home but the TV was off and the kitchen light on so he was obviously waiting up for him.
“Hey.” He jerked when the front door slammed behind Himchan and rubbed his eyes sleepily. “I was starting to worry about you. Thought I’d have to send in the Slut Police or something.” When he realized his roommate wasn’t even acting like he heard him, Daehyun jumped up off the couch and moved towards him with worry in his eyes. “Himchan? What’s wrong?”
The shivering boy pushed him away, eyes wild and unfocused. “I fucked up with my client. I fucked up really bad.”
Daehyun was surprisingly strong considering his small stature and finally managed to wrap Himchan tightly in his arms. “I’m sure it’s not that bad. You’ve been doing this for four years. You’re a pro. What happened?”
Himchan held onto him like he was the only thing keeping him tied to earth. His hands clawed at Daehyun’s back as he fought hard to take control of himself back. “I wanted things with him. Things I can’t have. Things I don’t deserve.” For the first time in their years of friendship he burst into tears and let Daehyun hold him up as he wept. “I don’t want to do this job anymore, Daehyun.”