Guide You Home *part two*
Pairing: DaeLo
Rated: PG13
Length: 5.2K
part one
SONG
“I can’t pick you up after the movies later.” Yongguk stood awkwardly at his bedroom door, eyes looking at everything except his brother. “You’ll have to call mom or see if you can stay with Jongup.”
Junhong blinked in confusion at his brother because just a few hours ago he had agreed to drop him off on his way to Himchan’s and pick him up two hours later. “Why not?”
“Because I just can’t.” He refused to answer, backing away with a scowl. “I’ll be downstairs until seven so let me know if you change your mind about going.”
When Junhong called Jongup a few minutes later his best friend immediately agreed to having him over for the night. “You know you’re always invited. I just never ask because my little sister’s such a brat sometimes. What happened to Yongguk picking you up?”
“He just all of a sudden had something else to do.” Junhong picked at a torn nail on his thumb. His mother had drilled it into his brain from an early age that he had to stay healthy and safe so that the little girl he was attached to never got had to think of him in pain. Fat chance of that sticking since ‘she’ didn’t even exist and ‘she’ was a world class champion in how to live through immense pain. “Something about going to Himchan’s.”
Jongup was quiet on the other end for long enough for Junhong to pull the phone away from his ear and make sure they were still connected. “Oh. Well I guess I’ll still see you at seven then. Bye.” He hung up before Junhong could say goodbye.
The lines on his arms had faded recently and even though they were still noticeable Junhong thought for a brief second on what would happen if he asked his brother for a t-shirt to borrow. Yongguk knew about the scars and the link to his mate but he wasn’t happy about it. Every night before bed he made Junhong show him any new ones and told him repeatedly that he needed to talk to their parents about what was going on. Junhong kept trying to make him understand that the pain never bothered him. The pain meant that his soulmate was still alive somewhere. Adults would only interfere and cause problems and Junhong didn’t want that. At least not until he found him. Then he would personally rip the insides out of whomever was doing this.
But until then he was a patient man.
“You still going?” Yongguk raised an eyebrow from behind his magazine when Junhong showed up at the bottom of the steps. “Did you call mom?”
“I’m staying at Jongup’s.” He rolled his eyes at his brother’s frown. “I know you don’t like him but he’s my best friend and I’d appreciate if you two could at least pretend to get along when I’m around.”
Yongguk threw the magazine onto the coffee table and jumped to his feet. “And I wish you would find friends who were more worthwhile than the trash we throw outside every Tuesday.” He typed something out on his phone before grabbing the car keys off the table. “Look, I’m sorry I nag about Jongup so much but it just makes me angry how the kid doesn’t do anything. He’s late to school every day, he sleeps during study hall, he hasn’t even joined a club. Why would you want to be friends with someone that unmotivated?”
He looked at his brother with narrowed eyes, wondering if he even knew what he was talking about. “Are you kidding me?” At Yongguk’s blank stare, he groaned, shoving the older boy out of his way. “And how do you know what he does at school anyways? You’re a senior. You have zero classes with him.”
“Himchan.” Yongguk answered immediately. “Himchan’s the Hall Monitor. He sees everything.”
Junhong threw his backpack into the floor and climbed into the car. “Well tell Mr. Hall Monitor to mind his own business because Jongup is ten times the person either of you will ever be. All of the times he’s tardy are automatically excused, he has permission to sleep during study hall and who cares about clubs? I don’t go to any either, are you going to start talking about me like this, too?” Thankfully one of the teachers in their school was Jongup’s neighbor so she knew all of the responsibilities he had on him and she told him the first day of school that the other teachers would be lenient on him.
Yongguk gripped the steering wheel tightly and refused to reply. They drove the ten minutes to the theater in silence, but instead of dropping him off at the front door like normal, Yongguk drove around to the parking lot and turned the car off.
“I’m sorry.” He murmured, staring out the window to the empty alley beside them. “I’ve always tried hard to be a good brother and I don’t want you mad at me.”
“If you would just give Jongup a chance then you’d see how great he is. He’s funny and sweet and-“
“I’m going to a rally, Junhong.”
The tension in the car grew to what felt like ten feet thick around them. Junhong didn’t even have to ask what he was talking about because he knew what the rallies were for. Everyone knew what the protestors were attempting to do. They were trying to force a law that said soulmates were illegal. The last Junhong heard they had even invented a shot that would dull your connection so that you were no longer bound to each other.
“No.” Junhong moved away from the hand trying to grab his. “No, you…” He blinked, surprised by the hot tears creeping into the corners of his eyes. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“This has nothing to do with you. I’m not going to hurt you. No one is.” Yongguk seemed to realize his brother was close to panicking and attempted to reason with him. “We just want everyone to be equal. We want a world where everyone gets a chance to pick who they want to be with, not one where a chosen few are forced together against their will.”
He shook his head. “It’s not against our will, it’s never like that. I’m meant to be with this person, they were made for me. You’re just jealous that I was chosen and not you. You’ve never liked me being a soulmate.”
Yongguk smiled sadly at him. “Is that what you really think?”
“That’s what I know.” Junhong wiped angrily at the wetness coursing down his cheeks and reached for his backpack. “Those protestors want to put things inside of us. They want to take our bond away. That’s not fair, it’s not fair, and you-“ He slapped at his brother’s reaching hand again. “If you try to take him away from me then you’re not my brother anymore.”
“Him?”
Yongguk’s shocked eyes and open mouth was the last thing Junhong saw before he slammed the door and raced around the side of the building to where Jongup was patiently waiting with his always present smile.
“Hey!” He saw Junhong’s puffy eyes and the grin dropped off his face. “What happened? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” Grabbing Jongup’s arm, he jerked him into the theater behind him just in case Yongguk had decided to follow just to berate him some more. “What movie do you want to see?”
Jongup looked between Junhong’s red face and the movie listings. “Are you sure you-“
“Please. Not now.” He gripped Jongup’s hand and took a deep breath, exhaling all of his brother’s careless words. “I’ll tell you later, okay?”
His best friend, because that was what best friends did, nodded and squeezed his hand in return. “I kind of wanted to watch the one with the ghosts. I’ll buy the tickets and you buy the popcorn.” He smiled, but it was fixed in place, not the normal happy one he always gave. “Everything will be okay, Junhong. I promise.”
---
“Do you want to watch TV or go hang out in my room?” Jongup was obviously trying to so hard to be nonchalant about Junhong’s meltdown earlier that he was overcompensating by being way too chipper. “We have sodas and I think there’s popcorn somewhere and-“
“Yongguk went to a rally tonight. That’s why I was upset.”
Jongup’s lips parted in surprise. “Oh. One of the anti-soulmates rallies?” Jongup’s brow furrowed in confusion. “But why would he do that? He wouldn’t. Right?”
Junhong chewed on the inside of his cheek, hoping that if he kept his lips firmly closed that he wouldn’t burst out into tears again. Having protestors line the streets and hold giant signs saying he was an abomination was scary enough, but to know his own brother wanted to be a part of that frightened Junhong all the way to his core. Should he be worried to be left alone with his brother now? Would Yongguk ever try to do something to him without their parents knowing? He knew how much Junhong’s soulmate meant to him. He wouldn’t hurt him.
Would he?
“He said that everyone deserves the right to choose their mate and not have one picked out for them.” Junhong had known for years that his brother was vehemently against soulmates but he had never dreamed he would go so far as to try and medically stop them.
“Yongguk said that?” Jongup laughed loudly, but it was without an ounce of humor. “God Junhong, I don’t even care anymore. I really don’t. I can’t keep pretending your brother isn’t turning into the world’s biggest asshole. You’re his family and he still wants to take away the most important thing in your life? How can that be okay?”
Junhong liked to slide his fingers inside his sleeve and rub the scar two inches below his wrist when he was upset. It was his first one, the beginning of all of this, and in a way it was his favorite. He slid his thumb across the long-healed wound and wondered if his soulmate was for or against keeping them linked like this.
“I guess most of the people who don’t have a mate don’t understand how important it is?” He tilted his head to the side and looked desperately at Jongup. “You understand though, don’t you Guppie? Even if you don’t have one, you know how much I need this?”
Jongup was silent, his eyes dimming as he stared back at his friend. “I do. It’s the only thing in the world that matters and when they hurt you hurt. When they’re happy you’re happy. It’s like your heart is being ripped out when you’re apart.” He patted Junhong’s shoulder and pointed to the TV. “Video games?”
“One where I can kill something?”
“Violently.” Jongup handed him a controller with a smile. “I can talk to Yongguk for you. If you want me too. It probably won’t help because he’s as stubborn as a cow, but maybe he’ll see that he’s hurting you by doing this.”
Junhong didn’t think it would make a difference. And having Jongup talk to his brother would be like trying to douse the fire with lighter fluid. Yongguk hated two things the most in the world: Moon Jongup and the idea of soulmates.
“Thanks, but don’t worry about it. It’s not like he can do anything to you. It’s just me he’s trying to punish.”
Jongup stilled long enough for Junhong to exuberantly kill his game character. “Yongguk isn’t like this to punish you, Junhong. You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s just so angry that soulmates even exist and he doesn’t understand how much it means to you because all he can think about are his own feelings.”
“No, he knows why it’s important and why I can’t break our link.” Junhong put his controller down and turned to Jongup with thinned lips. “Guppie, if I show you something you have to swear not to say a word to anyone. The only one who knows is Yongguk.”
“Of course.” The game was paused and Jongup looked at him expectantly. “You should know by now that I’ve never broken a promise to anyone.”
He gripped the sleeve of his shirt and carefully pulled it up to his elbow. The scars were barely visible in the dim room but they sat close enough together on the couch for Jongup to easily tell they were there.
“Junhong…” Jongup held his wrist in the palm of his hand and frowned down at the marred skin. “Are these from you or…?”
“Not mine.” He bit his lip and watched Jongup as he turned the arm over to see the ones on the other side. “They’ve been coming and going since I was little. I wear long sleeves so no one can see them. I don’t even know if my parents remember them. It’s just Yongguk and you.” The next words were lodged inside his throat and he had to take a deep breath to force them out. “Someone’s hurting him.”
Jongup glanced up at him out of the corner of his eye for just a moment before he blinked and returned his attention to the silvery scars. “How do you know he’s not doing them himself?”
He closed his eyes in relief. Deep down he had always been worried that Jongup would turn against him when he found out the truth. No matter how close they were there was always a chance it wouldn’t be enough.
“Because I wouldn’t be able to purposely hurt him so I know he wouldn’t do it to me.” He answered honestly. The thought of causing his soulmate pain made him ache. “You don’t think there’s something wrong with me?”
“Of course I think there’s something wrong with you. You’re Junhong. You drink chocolate milk with a straw and you dip French fries in mustard.” Jongup squeezed his wrist gently and smiled. “And it’s not something I didn’t already know. I was just waiting for you to tell it to me straight.” He pulled Junhong’s sleeve back down and moved closer on the couch so that he could throw a leg overtop of Junhong’s longer ones. “One day I’ll tell you some of my secrets and hope you’ll be as easygoing as I was.”
Junhong nudged him with an elbow. He felt ten pounds lighter with all of that off his chest and he didn’t even have to fake the grin pushing his cheeks up. “You don’t have secrets from me.”
Jongup laid his head on Junhong’s shoulder and sighed. “Everyone has secrets, Junhonggie. We’re all just waiting for the easiest moment to let them out.”
---
He fully expected his brother to be waiting on him when Jongup’s mom dropped him off the next morning. Jongup smiled reassuringly and let him know that if Yongguk was a jerk that he could always bleach his clothes the next time he had to do laundry.
“It’s what my sister does when she gets mad at me.”
“I don’t think he’s mad.” Junhong balled up yesterday’s socks and shoved them into his backpack. “Just confused. And even if he is mad at me, well I’m even madder at him and I at least have the right to be.”
Jongup watched him with furrowed brows. “Just don’t let him talk down to you. You don’t deserve that. And for some reason that’s the only way he knows how to speak to people.”
As expected, Yongguk was sitting quietly on his bed when Junhong opened his bedroom door. He was holding Junhong’s stuffed animal that he’d had since he was a baby and staring at it like it was all of a sudden going to speak to him and tell him all of Junhong’s carefully guarded secrets.
“Are you gay, Junhong?” The question was blurted out before he even had time to drop his bag to the floor. Yongguk finally looked up at him, eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “Is your soulmate a boy?”
He blinked at his brother before nodding slightly. “I think so, yes.”
“But you don’t know for sure?”
Junhong didn’t really want to explain the complexities of the soulmate bond to his older brother but he knew Yongguk wouldn’t fully believe him without proof.
“Well, I’m not sure why it would be a girl when I have zero attraction to any girl I’ve ever met.” He felt heat creeping up his neck. “And sometimes I can feel him…” He motioned towards his jeans. “Doing things.”
Yongguk closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah that makes sense.” He threw the doll to the back of the bed and stood up. “Does anyone else know? Mom or dad? Jongup?”
He shook his head rapidly. “Not mom or dad. Just you and Jongup.”
The tension in his brother’s jaw tightened a millimeter. “Jongup knows you’re gay and he doesn’t care?”
“He said he already figured I was.” Jongup didn’t act like the news was shocking or disgusting. If anything Junhong thought he was overcompensating by being overly affectionate with him. They had slept in the same bed for the first time in ages and Jongup had even reached over as they were falling asleep just to calmly lace their fingers together. “Are you going to tell anyone?”
“Of course not.” Yongguk’s annoyance melted away at his brother’s whispered question. “I’m your brother no matter what, Junhonggie. I just can’t believe you’re sixteen and I never picked up on it. Have you ever thought about looking for him?”
Junhong finally set his bag on the floor and walked over to his bed where he threw himself behind Yongguk, face buried in his pillow. “I don’t even know where to look.” He admitted. “I keep hoping he’ll find me first.”
Fingers carded through his tangled hair. “Maybe he’s thinking the same thing and you two will wait and wait for so long that the moment passes. You need to get out more often, and not just with Jongup. Find new friends from other places. If you meet more people you have a better chance of running into him somewhere.”
He’d never thought of that. But trying new things by himself had never interested him. He either did them with Jongup or added them to the mental list of things he would do when he found his mate.
“I don’t know anyone from other schools though.”
“Himchan does. He works with a kid from the next town over. They hang out a lot on the weekends. I’ll ask if they want to go to the movies or something on Friday and to bring a group from his school.”
He turned to look at his brother. “What about Jongup? Can’t he come, too?”
Yongguk grimaced but looked like he knew better than to say anything negative. “Sure. The more the merrier.” His words were friendly but his gritted jaw barely pushed them out.
When Yongguk patted his shoulder awkwardly and turned to walk away Junhong voiced the question that had been weighing on him since he woke up that morning.
“How was the rally?”
His brother squared his shoulders but didn’t turn around. “I didn’t go. After what happened in the car I couldn’t do it. Not yet.” His sigh sounded as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
Junhong wanted to ask him why he was still planning to attend later, but changed his mind when he saw Yongguk reach up to brush a palm hastily over his cheeks. There had been enough revelations for the day, he could always wait until later.
---
The crowd around Himchan and Yongguk was tiny but there were still enough new faces that Junhong felt anxiety creep up his spine. What if one of these boys really was his soulmate? What if he was twenty feet away from meeting the person he would spend the rest of his life with?”
Jongup reached for his wrist, stopping him a short distance away from the boys. “You’re starting to wheeze, Junhong. Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
He was frantically scanning the faces, looking for something that would give them away, a sign that would shine like a beacon so that he would know his soulmate was there. “None of them are attractive.” He finally forced out. “I don’t like any of them.”
With a laugh, Jongup let go of his arm to cover up his mouth. “Not everyone gets a sexy soulmate you know. Yours might be average. Or ugly.”
Junhong knew that wasn’t the case because there was no way he could ever find his own mate undesirable. Even just the thought of looking into the eyes of the boy he was tethered to was enough to make him loose-limbed and flushed. And after just a few seconds of glancing around the boys gathered at the front of the theater there was already no chance any of them could turn his temperature to boiling.
“You might as well just go along with it and enjoy the movie.” Jongup whispered as Himchan saw them and waved wildly. “Your brother’s actually trying for once so at least smile for that.”
He nodded but it was more to motivate himself than agreement with Jongup. Yongguk was heading towards them with a happy smile and it was the first time Junhong had seen him so carefree in ages.
“You’re here!” Yongguk’s grin didn’t even dim when he was next to Jongup, a fact that shocked the two younger boys into silence. “Himchan snuck his dad’s flask out of the liquor cabinet so don’t be surprised if he is overly loud and in your face.” So that was why Yongguk was so bright-eyed and cheery. Jongup side-eyed Junhong and raised an eyebrow. “Come on and meet everyone.” He dragged Junhong towards the others leaving Jongup to follow on his own.
“Yonggukkie, are you drunk?”
His brother scoffed, but made the effort to stand up straighter and blink the haze out of his eyes. “I only took a couple of drinks and I know you won’t tell mom and dad because we keep each other’s secrets, right?” He smirked knowingly at his younger brother without waiting for an answer. “Guys this is my baby brother, Junhong.” Motioning behind him, he muttered an introduction towards Jongup as well. “Junhong, this is-“ The names all blurred into one inside his head because if none of them were his soulmate then he didn’t care.
The boy closest to Himchan smiled warmly at the new additions. “Yongguk told us you’re both only sixteen so we can’t get into the rated R movies. Is there anything else playing you wanted to see?”
Jongup jumped in exclaiming over a new street fighting movie that he had been dying to see for weeks. Another thing that Junhong admired about his friend was that he had never met a stranger in his life. Even though most students in their school looked down on him he never returned the favor, always willing to lend a hand or reassuring smile to anyone who needed it.
“Yongguk’s been wanting to see that, too.” Himchan moved between them and winked teasingly at Jongup. “I told him over my dead body but he’s wearing me down.”
The cheerful expression on Jongup’s face was the same one Junhong knew he used only when someone was getting on his nerves. It was fake and plastic and didn’t fit on Jongup’s always happy face. He had never seen his friend interact with Himchan as far as he could recall, but Jongup was edging backwards away from him as if he was desperate to get away.
“Street fighting it is then.” One of the boys headed towards the ticket booth, grabbing Himchan’s arm and tugging him along behind him. “Pretty sure Yongguk would kill you if you flirted with his little brother’s best friend.” Junhong heard him mutter before they got too far away.
Yongguk stayed beside him as they got in line and ordered their tickets. The knowledge that he had the two people he trusted the most on either side of him was reassuring but he was still filled with second guessing himself that this was the best idea.
“Any gut feelings?” Yongguk murmured into his ear as they waited for popcorn.
He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“It’s okay.” Yongguk’s eyes flashed with disappointment but he smiled anyways. “The good thing is that you actually took a step searching for him. That’s a start.”
Jongup laced their arms together and loudly blew raspberries against Junhong’s neck. “And you still have me! I’m better than a boring old soulmate anytime!” His cheesy grin dropped instantly when he looked over to see Yongguk’s disgusted expression. “I’m going to go to the bathroom before the movie starts. Save me a seat.” Junhong heard him mutter ‘and not by Yongguk’ as he walked away.
“You’re doing it again.”
Yongguk dragged his glare away from Jongup’s retreating figure. “I’m sorry. He just grates on me.” Pushing the annoyed look away he shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth and led them towards the theater where Himchan and the other boys were already taking up an entire row of seats. “I’ll sit between you and Himchan so Jongup can have your other side. God forbid I infect him with my germs.”
By the time Jongup had wiggled his way down the row and into the seat next to Junhong the credits had started and he had missed half of the bucket of popcorn.
“You’re a pig.” Jongup murmured when he had finally wrangled it away from Junhong’s greedy hands. “How do you stay so skinny when you haven’t exercised since you were ten?”
“Genetics.” He grinned so wide that his dimples flashed out for a moment. “I’m just lanky though. You at least have muscles. I’m pretty sure your thighs could crack a baseball bat in half. And what have you been doing to get the six-pack on your-”
Yongguk leaned over and shushed them. “Do you have to talk like that when we’re sitting right here? That’s disgusting. No one cares about Jongup’s thighs.”
“Actually, I-“ Himchan’s next few words were muffled as Yongguk’s hands stopped them from coming out.
Jongup dropped the piece of popcorn that was heading towards his mouth back into the bag. “Here,” He pushed it back towards Junhong. “I’m not hungry anymore.”
The rest of the movie was awkward as Junhong tried to make himself as still as possible between the two fuming boys. Any move he made he was worried that it would set one of them off again and he just wanted everyone he cared about to get along.
When the lights in the theater started to come back on they stood and waited for the crowd to disperse to exit through the back door. Jongup was still stormy-eyed but his face softened when Junhong reached over to braid their fingers together. He squeezed his hand in thanks and Junhong finally saw his tight shoulders droop into a more relaxed pose.
“So what’s the deal with you two?” Himchan appeared over Yongguk’s shoulder, his chin fitting perfectly against his neck, glazed over eyes twinkling as he scanned Jongup head to toe again. “Every time I see you together you’re holding hands and smiling all sappy at each other. Are you guys like dating on the down low or something?”
Yongguk snorted. “Hardly. Junhong’s a soulmate so they’re just friends.”
“We can answer for ourselves.” Jongup told him frostily. “And it’s not a rule that soulmates can’t date other people. What goes on between Junhong and I is no one’s business but ours.”
Himchan laughed in amusement. “Oh I like him. Can we keep him, Guk?” Either he had never noticed how much the two hated each other or he was doing this purposely just to get a rise out of one of them.
“You may be nothing but a worthless whore but I know for a fact my brother could never do that to his mate. He takes his bond seriously. Something you probably wouldn’t do if someone was unlucky enough to be mated with you.”
That was what finally cut Jongup to the core, his head jerking back like he had been slapped. He was holding so tightly to Junhong’s hand that he felt it start to go numb but instead of saying anything he let the other boy do whatever he wanted that stopped him from killing Yongguk with his bare hands.
“You’re going to die alone.” Jongup finally whispered to a drunken and wild-eyed Yongguk. “You’re going to push everyone away, including your brother, and you’ll die alone and full of regrets.” His attention turned to Junhong. In a heartbeat he was completely done with Yongguk for the night. “Can we go home now?”
Junhong glared at his brother as he wrapped an arm around Jongup’s shoulders and led him towards the train station. They hadn’t planned on spending the night together but he knew if he went home he would spend the entire night plotting Yongguk’s demise so he figured might as well stay at Jongup’s instead.
Jongup was waiting for him when he had showered and changed into the pajamas he always kept in the bottom drawer of Jongup’s dresser.
“It’s all Himchan.” He told him as they pulled the blanket up close to their chins. “Ever since they started hanging out he’s been even meaner than usual to you. If I thought Yongguk was gay I’d say they were dating and that Himchan had a thing for you and it makes Yongguk jealous. He would probably kill you if you tried to touch Himchan.” Junhong laughed at his theory, but parts of it rang true deep inside his brain. Himchan had flirted with him a lot and every time he looked at Jongup the murderous look on Yongguk’s face grew darker and darker.
Beside him Jongup stared blankly up at the ceiling. Junhong noticed his face was red and that sweat was starting to dot along his hairline. Now that he thought about it he also could hear him trying hard to catch his breath. Hands clenched and unclenched in the thick comforter over top of him.
“I’m going to the bathroom.” Jongup crawled awkwardly to the end of the bed and waved Junhong’s helping hands away. “I think that box of candy I snuck in was bad or something. I’ll be right back.”
Junhong wanted to help him but the lock of the bathroom door across the hall stopped him in his place.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine!” Was the strangled response he got in return. It took him ten minutes to open the door and another forty-five seconds to stagger back on heavy feet. “I just needed to get it out of my system. I’m fine now.” Without a second look he turned his back on Junhong and stabbed angrily at the off switch to the lamp. “Goodnight.”
part three
Rated: PG13
Length: 5.2K
part one
SONG
“I can’t pick you up after the movies later.” Yongguk stood awkwardly at his bedroom door, eyes looking at everything except his brother. “You’ll have to call mom or see if you can stay with Jongup.”
Junhong blinked in confusion at his brother because just a few hours ago he had agreed to drop him off on his way to Himchan’s and pick him up two hours later. “Why not?”
“Because I just can’t.” He refused to answer, backing away with a scowl. “I’ll be downstairs until seven so let me know if you change your mind about going.”
When Junhong called Jongup a few minutes later his best friend immediately agreed to having him over for the night. “You know you’re always invited. I just never ask because my little sister’s such a brat sometimes. What happened to Yongguk picking you up?”
“He just all of a sudden had something else to do.” Junhong picked at a torn nail on his thumb. His mother had drilled it into his brain from an early age that he had to stay healthy and safe so that the little girl he was attached to never got had to think of him in pain. Fat chance of that sticking since ‘she’ didn’t even exist and ‘she’ was a world class champion in how to live through immense pain. “Something about going to Himchan’s.”
Jongup was quiet on the other end for long enough for Junhong to pull the phone away from his ear and make sure they were still connected. “Oh. Well I guess I’ll still see you at seven then. Bye.” He hung up before Junhong could say goodbye.
The lines on his arms had faded recently and even though they were still noticeable Junhong thought for a brief second on what would happen if he asked his brother for a t-shirt to borrow. Yongguk knew about the scars and the link to his mate but he wasn’t happy about it. Every night before bed he made Junhong show him any new ones and told him repeatedly that he needed to talk to their parents about what was going on. Junhong kept trying to make him understand that the pain never bothered him. The pain meant that his soulmate was still alive somewhere. Adults would only interfere and cause problems and Junhong didn’t want that. At least not until he found him. Then he would personally rip the insides out of whomever was doing this.
But until then he was a patient man.
“You still going?” Yongguk raised an eyebrow from behind his magazine when Junhong showed up at the bottom of the steps. “Did you call mom?”
“I’m staying at Jongup’s.” He rolled his eyes at his brother’s frown. “I know you don’t like him but he’s my best friend and I’d appreciate if you two could at least pretend to get along when I’m around.”
Yongguk threw the magazine onto the coffee table and jumped to his feet. “And I wish you would find friends who were more worthwhile than the trash we throw outside every Tuesday.” He typed something out on his phone before grabbing the car keys off the table. “Look, I’m sorry I nag about Jongup so much but it just makes me angry how the kid doesn’t do anything. He’s late to school every day, he sleeps during study hall, he hasn’t even joined a club. Why would you want to be friends with someone that unmotivated?”
He looked at his brother with narrowed eyes, wondering if he even knew what he was talking about. “Are you kidding me?” At Yongguk’s blank stare, he groaned, shoving the older boy out of his way. “And how do you know what he does at school anyways? You’re a senior. You have zero classes with him.”
“Himchan.” Yongguk answered immediately. “Himchan’s the Hall Monitor. He sees everything.”
Junhong threw his backpack into the floor and climbed into the car. “Well tell Mr. Hall Monitor to mind his own business because Jongup is ten times the person either of you will ever be. All of the times he’s tardy are automatically excused, he has permission to sleep during study hall and who cares about clubs? I don’t go to any either, are you going to start talking about me like this, too?” Thankfully one of the teachers in their school was Jongup’s neighbor so she knew all of the responsibilities he had on him and she told him the first day of school that the other teachers would be lenient on him.
Yongguk gripped the steering wheel tightly and refused to reply. They drove the ten minutes to the theater in silence, but instead of dropping him off at the front door like normal, Yongguk drove around to the parking lot and turned the car off.
“I’m sorry.” He murmured, staring out the window to the empty alley beside them. “I’ve always tried hard to be a good brother and I don’t want you mad at me.”
“If you would just give Jongup a chance then you’d see how great he is. He’s funny and sweet and-“
“I’m going to a rally, Junhong.”
The tension in the car grew to what felt like ten feet thick around them. Junhong didn’t even have to ask what he was talking about because he knew what the rallies were for. Everyone knew what the protestors were attempting to do. They were trying to force a law that said soulmates were illegal. The last Junhong heard they had even invented a shot that would dull your connection so that you were no longer bound to each other.
“No.” Junhong moved away from the hand trying to grab his. “No, you…” He blinked, surprised by the hot tears creeping into the corners of his eyes. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“This has nothing to do with you. I’m not going to hurt you. No one is.” Yongguk seemed to realize his brother was close to panicking and attempted to reason with him. “We just want everyone to be equal. We want a world where everyone gets a chance to pick who they want to be with, not one where a chosen few are forced together against their will.”
He shook his head. “It’s not against our will, it’s never like that. I’m meant to be with this person, they were made for me. You’re just jealous that I was chosen and not you. You’ve never liked me being a soulmate.”
Yongguk smiled sadly at him. “Is that what you really think?”
“That’s what I know.” Junhong wiped angrily at the wetness coursing down his cheeks and reached for his backpack. “Those protestors want to put things inside of us. They want to take our bond away. That’s not fair, it’s not fair, and you-“ He slapped at his brother’s reaching hand again. “If you try to take him away from me then you’re not my brother anymore.”
“Him?”
Yongguk’s shocked eyes and open mouth was the last thing Junhong saw before he slammed the door and raced around the side of the building to where Jongup was patiently waiting with his always present smile.
“Hey!” He saw Junhong’s puffy eyes and the grin dropped off his face. “What happened? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” Grabbing Jongup’s arm, he jerked him into the theater behind him just in case Yongguk had decided to follow just to berate him some more. “What movie do you want to see?”
Jongup looked between Junhong’s red face and the movie listings. “Are you sure you-“
“Please. Not now.” He gripped Jongup’s hand and took a deep breath, exhaling all of his brother’s careless words. “I’ll tell you later, okay?”
His best friend, because that was what best friends did, nodded and squeezed his hand in return. “I kind of wanted to watch the one with the ghosts. I’ll buy the tickets and you buy the popcorn.” He smiled, but it was fixed in place, not the normal happy one he always gave. “Everything will be okay, Junhong. I promise.”
---
“Do you want to watch TV or go hang out in my room?” Jongup was obviously trying to so hard to be nonchalant about Junhong’s meltdown earlier that he was overcompensating by being way too chipper. “We have sodas and I think there’s popcorn somewhere and-“
“Yongguk went to a rally tonight. That’s why I was upset.”
Jongup’s lips parted in surprise. “Oh. One of the anti-soulmates rallies?” Jongup’s brow furrowed in confusion. “But why would he do that? He wouldn’t. Right?”
Junhong chewed on the inside of his cheek, hoping that if he kept his lips firmly closed that he wouldn’t burst out into tears again. Having protestors line the streets and hold giant signs saying he was an abomination was scary enough, but to know his own brother wanted to be a part of that frightened Junhong all the way to his core. Should he be worried to be left alone with his brother now? Would Yongguk ever try to do something to him without their parents knowing? He knew how much Junhong’s soulmate meant to him. He wouldn’t hurt him.
Would he?
“He said that everyone deserves the right to choose their mate and not have one picked out for them.” Junhong had known for years that his brother was vehemently against soulmates but he had never dreamed he would go so far as to try and medically stop them.
“Yongguk said that?” Jongup laughed loudly, but it was without an ounce of humor. “God Junhong, I don’t even care anymore. I really don’t. I can’t keep pretending your brother isn’t turning into the world’s biggest asshole. You’re his family and he still wants to take away the most important thing in your life? How can that be okay?”
Junhong liked to slide his fingers inside his sleeve and rub the scar two inches below his wrist when he was upset. It was his first one, the beginning of all of this, and in a way it was his favorite. He slid his thumb across the long-healed wound and wondered if his soulmate was for or against keeping them linked like this.
“I guess most of the people who don’t have a mate don’t understand how important it is?” He tilted his head to the side and looked desperately at Jongup. “You understand though, don’t you Guppie? Even if you don’t have one, you know how much I need this?”
Jongup was silent, his eyes dimming as he stared back at his friend. “I do. It’s the only thing in the world that matters and when they hurt you hurt. When they’re happy you’re happy. It’s like your heart is being ripped out when you’re apart.” He patted Junhong’s shoulder and pointed to the TV. “Video games?”
“One where I can kill something?”
“Violently.” Jongup handed him a controller with a smile. “I can talk to Yongguk for you. If you want me too. It probably won’t help because he’s as stubborn as a cow, but maybe he’ll see that he’s hurting you by doing this.”
Junhong didn’t think it would make a difference. And having Jongup talk to his brother would be like trying to douse the fire with lighter fluid. Yongguk hated two things the most in the world: Moon Jongup and the idea of soulmates.
“Thanks, but don’t worry about it. It’s not like he can do anything to you. It’s just me he’s trying to punish.”
Jongup stilled long enough for Junhong to exuberantly kill his game character. “Yongguk isn’t like this to punish you, Junhong. You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s just so angry that soulmates even exist and he doesn’t understand how much it means to you because all he can think about are his own feelings.”
“No, he knows why it’s important and why I can’t break our link.” Junhong put his controller down and turned to Jongup with thinned lips. “Guppie, if I show you something you have to swear not to say a word to anyone. The only one who knows is Yongguk.”
“Of course.” The game was paused and Jongup looked at him expectantly. “You should know by now that I’ve never broken a promise to anyone.”
He gripped the sleeve of his shirt and carefully pulled it up to his elbow. The scars were barely visible in the dim room but they sat close enough together on the couch for Jongup to easily tell they were there.
“Junhong…” Jongup held his wrist in the palm of his hand and frowned down at the marred skin. “Are these from you or…?”
“Not mine.” He bit his lip and watched Jongup as he turned the arm over to see the ones on the other side. “They’ve been coming and going since I was little. I wear long sleeves so no one can see them. I don’t even know if my parents remember them. It’s just Yongguk and you.” The next words were lodged inside his throat and he had to take a deep breath to force them out. “Someone’s hurting him.”
Jongup glanced up at him out of the corner of his eye for just a moment before he blinked and returned his attention to the silvery scars. “How do you know he’s not doing them himself?”
He closed his eyes in relief. Deep down he had always been worried that Jongup would turn against him when he found out the truth. No matter how close they were there was always a chance it wouldn’t be enough.
“Because I wouldn’t be able to purposely hurt him so I know he wouldn’t do it to me.” He answered honestly. The thought of causing his soulmate pain made him ache. “You don’t think there’s something wrong with me?”
“Of course I think there’s something wrong with you. You’re Junhong. You drink chocolate milk with a straw and you dip French fries in mustard.” Jongup squeezed his wrist gently and smiled. “And it’s not something I didn’t already know. I was just waiting for you to tell it to me straight.” He pulled Junhong’s sleeve back down and moved closer on the couch so that he could throw a leg overtop of Junhong’s longer ones. “One day I’ll tell you some of my secrets and hope you’ll be as easygoing as I was.”
Junhong nudged him with an elbow. He felt ten pounds lighter with all of that off his chest and he didn’t even have to fake the grin pushing his cheeks up. “You don’t have secrets from me.”
Jongup laid his head on Junhong’s shoulder and sighed. “Everyone has secrets, Junhonggie. We’re all just waiting for the easiest moment to let them out.”
---
He fully expected his brother to be waiting on him when Jongup’s mom dropped him off the next morning. Jongup smiled reassuringly and let him know that if Yongguk was a jerk that he could always bleach his clothes the next time he had to do laundry.
“It’s what my sister does when she gets mad at me.”
“I don’t think he’s mad.” Junhong balled up yesterday’s socks and shoved them into his backpack. “Just confused. And even if he is mad at me, well I’m even madder at him and I at least have the right to be.”
Jongup watched him with furrowed brows. “Just don’t let him talk down to you. You don’t deserve that. And for some reason that’s the only way he knows how to speak to people.”
As expected, Yongguk was sitting quietly on his bed when Junhong opened his bedroom door. He was holding Junhong’s stuffed animal that he’d had since he was a baby and staring at it like it was all of a sudden going to speak to him and tell him all of Junhong’s carefully guarded secrets.
“Are you gay, Junhong?” The question was blurted out before he even had time to drop his bag to the floor. Yongguk finally looked up at him, eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “Is your soulmate a boy?”
He blinked at his brother before nodding slightly. “I think so, yes.”
“But you don’t know for sure?”
Junhong didn’t really want to explain the complexities of the soulmate bond to his older brother but he knew Yongguk wouldn’t fully believe him without proof.
“Well, I’m not sure why it would be a girl when I have zero attraction to any girl I’ve ever met.” He felt heat creeping up his neck. “And sometimes I can feel him…” He motioned towards his jeans. “Doing things.”
Yongguk closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah that makes sense.” He threw the doll to the back of the bed and stood up. “Does anyone else know? Mom or dad? Jongup?”
He shook his head rapidly. “Not mom or dad. Just you and Jongup.”
The tension in his brother’s jaw tightened a millimeter. “Jongup knows you’re gay and he doesn’t care?”
“He said he already figured I was.” Jongup didn’t act like the news was shocking or disgusting. If anything Junhong thought he was overcompensating by being overly affectionate with him. They had slept in the same bed for the first time in ages and Jongup had even reached over as they were falling asleep just to calmly lace their fingers together. “Are you going to tell anyone?”
“Of course not.” Yongguk’s annoyance melted away at his brother’s whispered question. “I’m your brother no matter what, Junhonggie. I just can’t believe you’re sixteen and I never picked up on it. Have you ever thought about looking for him?”
Junhong finally set his bag on the floor and walked over to his bed where he threw himself behind Yongguk, face buried in his pillow. “I don’t even know where to look.” He admitted. “I keep hoping he’ll find me first.”
Fingers carded through his tangled hair. “Maybe he’s thinking the same thing and you two will wait and wait for so long that the moment passes. You need to get out more often, and not just with Jongup. Find new friends from other places. If you meet more people you have a better chance of running into him somewhere.”
He’d never thought of that. But trying new things by himself had never interested him. He either did them with Jongup or added them to the mental list of things he would do when he found his mate.
“I don’t know anyone from other schools though.”
“Himchan does. He works with a kid from the next town over. They hang out a lot on the weekends. I’ll ask if they want to go to the movies or something on Friday and to bring a group from his school.”
He turned to look at his brother. “What about Jongup? Can’t he come, too?”
Yongguk grimaced but looked like he knew better than to say anything negative. “Sure. The more the merrier.” His words were friendly but his gritted jaw barely pushed them out.
When Yongguk patted his shoulder awkwardly and turned to walk away Junhong voiced the question that had been weighing on him since he woke up that morning.
“How was the rally?”
His brother squared his shoulders but didn’t turn around. “I didn’t go. After what happened in the car I couldn’t do it. Not yet.” His sigh sounded as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
Junhong wanted to ask him why he was still planning to attend later, but changed his mind when he saw Yongguk reach up to brush a palm hastily over his cheeks. There had been enough revelations for the day, he could always wait until later.
---
The crowd around Himchan and Yongguk was tiny but there were still enough new faces that Junhong felt anxiety creep up his spine. What if one of these boys really was his soulmate? What if he was twenty feet away from meeting the person he would spend the rest of his life with?”
Jongup reached for his wrist, stopping him a short distance away from the boys. “You’re starting to wheeze, Junhong. Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
He was frantically scanning the faces, looking for something that would give them away, a sign that would shine like a beacon so that he would know his soulmate was there. “None of them are attractive.” He finally forced out. “I don’t like any of them.”
With a laugh, Jongup let go of his arm to cover up his mouth. “Not everyone gets a sexy soulmate you know. Yours might be average. Or ugly.”
Junhong knew that wasn’t the case because there was no way he could ever find his own mate undesirable. Even just the thought of looking into the eyes of the boy he was tethered to was enough to make him loose-limbed and flushed. And after just a few seconds of glancing around the boys gathered at the front of the theater there was already no chance any of them could turn his temperature to boiling.
“You might as well just go along with it and enjoy the movie.” Jongup whispered as Himchan saw them and waved wildly. “Your brother’s actually trying for once so at least smile for that.”
He nodded but it was more to motivate himself than agreement with Jongup. Yongguk was heading towards them with a happy smile and it was the first time Junhong had seen him so carefree in ages.
“You’re here!” Yongguk’s grin didn’t even dim when he was next to Jongup, a fact that shocked the two younger boys into silence. “Himchan snuck his dad’s flask out of the liquor cabinet so don’t be surprised if he is overly loud and in your face.” So that was why Yongguk was so bright-eyed and cheery. Jongup side-eyed Junhong and raised an eyebrow. “Come on and meet everyone.” He dragged Junhong towards the others leaving Jongup to follow on his own.
“Yonggukkie, are you drunk?”
His brother scoffed, but made the effort to stand up straighter and blink the haze out of his eyes. “I only took a couple of drinks and I know you won’t tell mom and dad because we keep each other’s secrets, right?” He smirked knowingly at his younger brother without waiting for an answer. “Guys this is my baby brother, Junhong.” Motioning behind him, he muttered an introduction towards Jongup as well. “Junhong, this is-“ The names all blurred into one inside his head because if none of them were his soulmate then he didn’t care.
The boy closest to Himchan smiled warmly at the new additions. “Yongguk told us you’re both only sixteen so we can’t get into the rated R movies. Is there anything else playing you wanted to see?”
Jongup jumped in exclaiming over a new street fighting movie that he had been dying to see for weeks. Another thing that Junhong admired about his friend was that he had never met a stranger in his life. Even though most students in their school looked down on him he never returned the favor, always willing to lend a hand or reassuring smile to anyone who needed it.
“Yongguk’s been wanting to see that, too.” Himchan moved between them and winked teasingly at Jongup. “I told him over my dead body but he’s wearing me down.”
The cheerful expression on Jongup’s face was the same one Junhong knew he used only when someone was getting on his nerves. It was fake and plastic and didn’t fit on Jongup’s always happy face. He had never seen his friend interact with Himchan as far as he could recall, but Jongup was edging backwards away from him as if he was desperate to get away.
“Street fighting it is then.” One of the boys headed towards the ticket booth, grabbing Himchan’s arm and tugging him along behind him. “Pretty sure Yongguk would kill you if you flirted with his little brother’s best friend.” Junhong heard him mutter before they got too far away.
Yongguk stayed beside him as they got in line and ordered their tickets. The knowledge that he had the two people he trusted the most on either side of him was reassuring but he was still filled with second guessing himself that this was the best idea.
“Any gut feelings?” Yongguk murmured into his ear as they waited for popcorn.
He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“It’s okay.” Yongguk’s eyes flashed with disappointment but he smiled anyways. “The good thing is that you actually took a step searching for him. That’s a start.”
Jongup laced their arms together and loudly blew raspberries against Junhong’s neck. “And you still have me! I’m better than a boring old soulmate anytime!” His cheesy grin dropped instantly when he looked over to see Yongguk’s disgusted expression. “I’m going to go to the bathroom before the movie starts. Save me a seat.” Junhong heard him mutter ‘and not by Yongguk’ as he walked away.
“You’re doing it again.”
Yongguk dragged his glare away from Jongup’s retreating figure. “I’m sorry. He just grates on me.” Pushing the annoyed look away he shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth and led them towards the theater where Himchan and the other boys were already taking up an entire row of seats. “I’ll sit between you and Himchan so Jongup can have your other side. God forbid I infect him with my germs.”
By the time Jongup had wiggled his way down the row and into the seat next to Junhong the credits had started and he had missed half of the bucket of popcorn.
“You’re a pig.” Jongup murmured when he had finally wrangled it away from Junhong’s greedy hands. “How do you stay so skinny when you haven’t exercised since you were ten?”
“Genetics.” He grinned so wide that his dimples flashed out for a moment. “I’m just lanky though. You at least have muscles. I’m pretty sure your thighs could crack a baseball bat in half. And what have you been doing to get the six-pack on your-”
Yongguk leaned over and shushed them. “Do you have to talk like that when we’re sitting right here? That’s disgusting. No one cares about Jongup’s thighs.”
“Actually, I-“ Himchan’s next few words were muffled as Yongguk’s hands stopped them from coming out.
Jongup dropped the piece of popcorn that was heading towards his mouth back into the bag. “Here,” He pushed it back towards Junhong. “I’m not hungry anymore.”
The rest of the movie was awkward as Junhong tried to make himself as still as possible between the two fuming boys. Any move he made he was worried that it would set one of them off again and he just wanted everyone he cared about to get along.
When the lights in the theater started to come back on they stood and waited for the crowd to disperse to exit through the back door. Jongup was still stormy-eyed but his face softened when Junhong reached over to braid their fingers together. He squeezed his hand in thanks and Junhong finally saw his tight shoulders droop into a more relaxed pose.
“So what’s the deal with you two?” Himchan appeared over Yongguk’s shoulder, his chin fitting perfectly against his neck, glazed over eyes twinkling as he scanned Jongup head to toe again. “Every time I see you together you’re holding hands and smiling all sappy at each other. Are you guys like dating on the down low or something?”
Yongguk snorted. “Hardly. Junhong’s a soulmate so they’re just friends.”
“We can answer for ourselves.” Jongup told him frostily. “And it’s not a rule that soulmates can’t date other people. What goes on between Junhong and I is no one’s business but ours.”
Himchan laughed in amusement. “Oh I like him. Can we keep him, Guk?” Either he had never noticed how much the two hated each other or he was doing this purposely just to get a rise out of one of them.
“You may be nothing but a worthless whore but I know for a fact my brother could never do that to his mate. He takes his bond seriously. Something you probably wouldn’t do if someone was unlucky enough to be mated with you.”
That was what finally cut Jongup to the core, his head jerking back like he had been slapped. He was holding so tightly to Junhong’s hand that he felt it start to go numb but instead of saying anything he let the other boy do whatever he wanted that stopped him from killing Yongguk with his bare hands.
“You’re going to die alone.” Jongup finally whispered to a drunken and wild-eyed Yongguk. “You’re going to push everyone away, including your brother, and you’ll die alone and full of regrets.” His attention turned to Junhong. In a heartbeat he was completely done with Yongguk for the night. “Can we go home now?”
Junhong glared at his brother as he wrapped an arm around Jongup’s shoulders and led him towards the train station. They hadn’t planned on spending the night together but he knew if he went home he would spend the entire night plotting Yongguk’s demise so he figured might as well stay at Jongup’s instead.
Jongup was waiting for him when he had showered and changed into the pajamas he always kept in the bottom drawer of Jongup’s dresser.
“It’s all Himchan.” He told him as they pulled the blanket up close to their chins. “Ever since they started hanging out he’s been even meaner than usual to you. If I thought Yongguk was gay I’d say they were dating and that Himchan had a thing for you and it makes Yongguk jealous. He would probably kill you if you tried to touch Himchan.” Junhong laughed at his theory, but parts of it rang true deep inside his brain. Himchan had flirted with him a lot and every time he looked at Jongup the murderous look on Yongguk’s face grew darker and darker.
Beside him Jongup stared blankly up at the ceiling. Junhong noticed his face was red and that sweat was starting to dot along his hairline. Now that he thought about it he also could hear him trying hard to catch his breath. Hands clenched and unclenched in the thick comforter over top of him.
“I’m going to the bathroom.” Jongup crawled awkwardly to the end of the bed and waved Junhong’s helping hands away. “I think that box of candy I snuck in was bad or something. I’ll be right back.”
Junhong wanted to help him but the lock of the bathroom door across the hall stopped him in his place.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine!” Was the strangled response he got in return. It took him ten minutes to open the door and another forty-five seconds to stagger back on heavy feet. “I just needed to get it out of my system. I’m fine now.” Without a second look he turned his back on Junhong and stabbed angrily at the off switch to the lamp. “Goodnight.”
part three