Shake Off Your Sins *oneshot*
Pairing: BangUp
Rating: M
Length: 7K
Sequel to The Dark Side of the Moon
“There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it’s all dark.” -Pink Floyd
Yongguk rested his head on his arms and tried to drone his secretary out, but Himchan had been working for him for so long that he knew to just get louder until Yongguk was forced to pay attention.
“And then you have a meeting with your father at six. I would go home and change first.” Himchan eyed the rumpled suit Yongguk had on with disdain. “Also, Jongup called and said he has to work tonight so he won’t be over till at least two.”
“Jongup called?” Yongguk perked up but then the meaning for his call sunk in and he slumped back down. “He wasn’t supposed to work. We were going to rent a movie and sleep in tomorrow.” He pouted down at his desk.
Himchan shrugged. “Sorry boss. He called a couple hours ago but you were in meetings and I just now remembered. He said someone named Junhong called in sick and he had to cover for him.”
The truth behind Himchan’s words made Yongguk snort. “Of course he did. Hey, weren’t you sick last weekend?”
His secretary shuddered at the memory and nodded. “I threw up thirteen times.”
“What a coincidence.” Yongguk told him dryly, knowing exactly how Junhong had been infected. “Just confirm with my father that I’ll be there at six. When you’re done call Youngjae and see if I can get squeezed in tonight, too.”
“With Moon? Weren’t you just there last week?” Himchan looked worried. “Don’t you think it would hurt Jongup’s feelings if he found out you were going to a whore house on a weekly basis? You’ve been dating, what, six months now?”
He smiled and waved Himchan out of his office. What the other didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him and Jongup’s identity was for sure something that Himchan didn’t need to know.
Clear your schedule. I’m buying you for the night.
Yongguk sent Jongup a quick text on his phone and turned his attention back to his work. His father would be furious if he was late to the meeting and Yongguk had a lot to get done so he could get the dinner over with and head straight to Youngjae’s club.
If the owner thought it strange that Yongguk visited every weekend and paid twice what Jongup’s going rate was just to get him then he didn’t let on. Maybe a lot of people grew obsessed with their companions and wouldn’t see anyone else. Lord knows Himchan had an unhealthy attachment to Zelo. The last time Himchan had visited the club he had come to work the next day limping and sore and red with embarrassment when Yongguk asked what was wrong.
“We tried to change things up.” Himchan pulled his sweater off and shoved it under his ass before gingerly lowering himself. “Zelo said to go big or go home. Going big was a mistake, Guk.”
“Hello Yongguk.” Youngjae flipped his hair out of his face and welcomed him into his office. “We weren’t expecting you tonight.”
Yongguk sat down in the seat in front of the desk and tried to relax. Ever since he and Jongup had started secretly seeing each other on the side he had been nervous around Youngjae, always worried the man could see what was happening behind his back. This wasn’t a normal relationship with your customer. This was a situation that Yongguk could tell terrified Jongup.
“I wanted to see Moon if he was available.”
Youngjae watched him for a moment, eyes blank as always. It was a game to figure out what was happening behind that dead gaze. “What a coincidence that Moon was called in on his night off.” He leaned forward on his elbows and smiled shrewdly. “Isn’t that a coincidence, Yongguk?”
He knew right then that Youngjae wasn’t as blind as they had hoped he was. Of course he would know what went on with his employees. In this business you would be a fool not to and Yongguk should have realized that.
“I suppose it is.” Yongguk tried to make his voice casual and crossed his legs to give off the impression he was at ease. “But if he’s busy I can see someone else.”
Lies. He would fake a business call and leave but Youngjae didn’t need to know that.
“He actually emptied his schedule right before you showed up. Gave his client to Daehyun.” Youngjae narrowed his eyes and nodded. “Funny.” He stood up and motioned for Yongguk to follow him to his regular room. No matter how many times Yongguk came to the club he always ordered the same package because it didn’t matter to him what scene they were acting out. As long as it was Jongup he didn’t care what they did. “And Yongguk?” Youngjae stopped him at the door, a hand on his chest. “It’d be a shame if I had to impress on Moon my rules again. Don’t you think?”
The door slammed behind him and Youngjae saw the small red dot on the camera blink on letting him know they were watching. Security never watched their nights together. Jongup had told him they only bother when it’s with a client who was known to get out of hand.
This wasn’t good.
“Hey.” Jongup poked his head inside and smiled when he saw Yongguk. “I was wondering when you w-“ Yongguk quickly nodded his head towards the corner where the camera was. “Oh.” Jongup’s lips made a circle and shock was evident on his face. “That’s new.” He swiftly put his business expression on and cocked his head to the side in amusement. “Let’s get to work then, shall we?” His gloved finger swept across Yongguk’s jaw before grabbing it and squeezing. “Don’t forget to call me Moon.” Jongup breathed quietly against his lips before melding them together.
Yongguk fought back the urge to look at the camera. It was distracting knowing Youngjae was probably studying them right this very moment just waiting for them to fuck up and give their relationship away.
“You’re not paying attention.” He let out a hiss when Jongup slapped sharply across his thigh. “On your knees.”
The floor was cold through his thin suit pants, but not near as cold as the look Jongup was giving him. “It’s not the same.” Yongguk whispered, lowering his head so that the camera couldn’t see his lips moving.
“What difference does it make? You’re still going to get fucked either way.”
Yongguk winced at the casual statement. “I don’t want to sleep with Moon.”
“Stop.” The in-charge tone that didn’t even sound like Jongup was gone and replaced with a voice verging on breaking.
He kept his eyes on the floor, just in case Youngjae was watching. “I want the Jongup that steals the blanket every night and wakes up at six in the morning to go jogging. The Jongup that refuses to bring a toothbrush to my apartment but somehow managed to replace my mint toothpaste with strawberry.” There was a soft sob above him but Yongguk continued before he lost his nerve and couldn’t go on. “I want the Jongup that says he hates chocolate but always eats it when I buy some and never even realized that I only bought it for him.”
“Yongguk stop.”
He finally dared to look up, his hands trailing slowly up Jongup’s leather-covered legs. “Come home with me, Jonguppie.”
Jongup’s eyes were wet and Yongguk felt a sudden moment of panic because he’d never seen Jongup with anything but a smile on his face. “I don’t want to keep doing this, Yongguk. This isn’t fair and I hate it.” Yongguk reached for him but Jongup took a step back and shook his head. “The camera’s on.” They both knew that Yongguk couldn’t initiate anything or the guards would be inside in a moment. Yongguk’s sessions were only to be used for submission and Youngjae had very clear rules on not changing the theme.
He also had rules on not becoming involved outside of work with the customers but that rule had obviously flown out the window between the two.
“Jongup don’t-”
“Your session is up.” The wanting look that had been on Jongup’s face was replaced with his work stare. The Moon expression. The one that used to thicken Yongguk’s arousal, but now did nothing for him because he knew the real person behind the job. He knew Jongup. Knew that when he bit his lip that it meant he was seconds away from orgasm, that his eyelashes would flutter whenever Yongguk would carefully scrape his teeth across his pulse, knew that he loved to fuck in the shower because he said it was the only place he felt clean enough to deserve to touch Yongguk and be called Jongup.
Yongguk didn’t know what had changed, what he’d done wrong. Jongup was staring at him as if he was a stranger, as if he was nothing more than a customer.
And it fucking broke him.
He tried reaching for him again and managed to barely touch the stiff leather of his vest before Jongup was moving away and out of his reach in every possible way.
“I don’t think you should request me anymore.” Jongup’s voice was cold and Yongguk didn’t recognize it. “Tomorrow I’ll tell Youngjae that he’s to no longer place you with me.”
“Jonguppie, please!”
Jongup flinched but his two years in the job had taught him excellent acting skills. “My name is Moon behind these doors. This is my job, Yongguk. This is me making more money in a month than I would make in a year at a normal job. I’m not giving that up for…” This time it took him longer to compose himself and Yongguk had a moment of hope that Jongup would give up and step towards him and into his arms. “I’m not risking my job for the spoiled son of a drug dealer that gets off on ruining people’s lives.”
The words stung Yongguk making his head snap back in surprise. The venom in Jongup’s tone hurt him more than the words did. Jongup had never spoken to him in true anger and Yongguk wasn’t sure why he was starting now.
“What did I do?” He hung his head in defeat because he had learned about Moon Jongup over the last year of paying for his services and then finally convincing him to meet for a date was that the younger boy made up his mind and stuck with it. Yongguk knew there was nothing he could say to change Jongup’s mind that what he was doing was wrong. “Just tell me what I did and I can fix it, Jongup.”
“What exactly do you think is going to happen between us?” Jongup ran his fingers through his hair, a move that Yongguk knew he made when he was flustered. “That we were going to be a happy couple and that I would come to work and fuck other people and crawl into your bed when I was done? Is that what you want, Yongguk? You want your sheets smelling like sex and someone else’s cologne?”
He had always tried to push the thought of Jongup being with other people out of his head but now the image was seared into his retina’s and he growled at the callous words.
“I’ve fucked eight people in the last three days.” Jongup’s lips curled up, but his fists remained clenched by his side. “Two women and six men. Not counting you, of course. Do you want to know what they got off on?”
“No.”
Jongup continued as if he didn’t hear and Yongguk knew he had heard his whisper perfectly well. He was trying to hurt him and it was working but Yongguk didn’t know why he was doing this to him.
“The first man wanted me to bend him over a desk and whip him until he cried. The second asked for straight fucking because he only had thirty minutes before he had to be home for dinner. The next was a woman and she wanted me to strip slowly for her so that she could touch herself and by the time I was down to my boxers she had already came twice. The third was a fifteen year old boy that wanted to call me daddy while I fucked-“
“Stop.” Yongguk felt sick because with every word that fell from Jongup’s uncaring lips a piece of his heart crumbled and turned to dust inside his chest. “No more.”
“Don’t you see?” This time Jongup’s voice was soft but it still wasn’t the tone that Yongguk knew by heart. The one that Jongup used to tell him good night, soft and breathy against his neck while Yongguk held him closely. “You’re nothing to me, Yongguk. You’re just another job.” Jongup took a steadying breath and the last sweet and gentle part of him that Yongguk could see was closed off. “And I’m just a whore.”
He walked past, his shoulder bumping into Yongguk’s as he left and Yongguk couldn’t move, just watched the person he thought he knew walk away from him.
---
Yongguk tried for days afterwards to call Jongup’s cellphone but it went straight to voicemail until the fourth day when a recording apologized but told him that this number was no longer in service.
The phone was thrown angrily against his wall, Himchan rushing in to make sure he was okay. “What was the thump for?”
“Just pissed.” Yongguk dragged his palms across his tired eyes and growled under his breath. “Got into a fight with Jongup.”
“Ah.” Himchan perched comfortable on the edge of his desk. “Want to talk about it?”
He didn’t. Not really. But a part of him wondered how much he could tell Himchan to gauge his opinion without revealing Jongup’s secrets.
“What would you do if you didn’t like the person you were dating’s job? I don’t mean like some silly job that embarrasses you, I mean the kind of job you couldn’t tell anyone about, that could destroy relationships.”
Himchan frowned in thought. “I don’t get it.”
Yongguk sighed as he sat back in his seat. Of course Himchan didn’t understand. Hell, he didn’t even understand what was going on. “Jongup can’t keep his job and me at the same time. It’s one or the other. He knows it, I know it.”
His secretary (okay and maybe his best friend if he was being honest with himself) patted his head as if he was a small child. “I wouldn’t worry about it, boss. That boy blows your phone up every day. It’ll all work out.”
“He already chose his job.”
Himchan’s lips parted in surprise, his hand falling down limply beside him. “Oh.”
It was obvious he didn’t know what to say and Yongguk wasn’t in the business of making awkward small talk to he quickly changed the subject to the board meeting later that afternoon and Himchan enthusiastically followed his lead.
They didn’t speak about their personal life for the rest of the day but Yongguk could see Himchan shooting him pity glances every now and then. He didn’t want Himchan’s pity. If his secretary knew the truth behind what happened between Jongup and him he would think Yongguk was crazy. It was insane to fall for an escort and expect everything to turn out perfectly.
He eyed the cell phone on his desk and willed it to ring.
He missed Jongup.
---
Himchan tried to convince him to visit the club that weekend. He probably thought he was doing Yongguk a favor by trying to take his mind off of his troubles, but the club was the very last place Yongguk wanted to be. There was no way he could see Jongup as a customer again and he was pretty sure Youngjae probably knew everything by now. Their last big blow-up was recorded and Yongguk winced later that night when he realized he had used Jongup’s real name in his begging.
“There’s a few other boys there that I’m sure are just as good as Moon.” Himchan cocked his head to the side and thought for a moment after Yongguk refused to book his regular appointment. “Zelo’s mentioned a Daehyun before. Said he’s super tiny and willing to do anything. Why can’t you call Moon anymore?”
“Because.” Yongguk rubbed his eyes and wished Himchan would give up and go do whatever the hell it was that he did every weekend with Zelo. For some reason Himchan had latched onto the younger boy and refused to see anyone else, but Yongguk didn’t think it had reached the same levels of his obsession with Jongup yet. “I’m fine, Himchan. Go on and leave. I just need to finish some emails and then I’m going home.”
Himchan frowned, no doubt wondering what else he could do to get him out of this slump. But Yongguk didn’t want distractions, he just wanted Jongup’s fingertips thumbing into his hips and his lips pressing into Yongguk’s collarbones as they fell asleep.
“Let’s go have supper together.” Himchan smiled brightly as he turned Yongguk’s computer off and rolled his chair away from the desk. “I can always visit Zelo tomorrow night.”
He wouldn’t take no for an answer, shooing Yongguk’s complaints away with a wave of his hand. “Why would you want to entertain me when you could be with Zelo?”
“Because you’re a little bit pathetic.” Himchan shrugged, not feeling remorse for his blunt words. “And it makes me cringe to look at you pining over this boy. I don’t know why you won’t just go to Youngjae’s club and let Moon fuck it out of your system.” He threw Yongguk’s jacket at him as they left the office together. “You must have it pretty bad if the promise of a good round of sex can’t even cheer you up.”
That was precisely the problem, Yongguk grumbled to himself as he followed Himchan towards the elevator. That would cheer him up. But only if Jongup was looking at him like he was Yongguk and not just some faceless customer.
The only thing Himchan was good for was a good time, Yongguk told himself three hours later as he stared mystified at the ceiling of the bar over his head. At some point he had fallen off the seat and ended up here in the floor and he couldn’t for the life of him remember how to get back up.
“Are you having fun yet?” Himchan popped his face into Yongguk’s field of vision and grinned. “You’ve been smiling for about ten minutes now.”
“I don’t even remember why I was upset.” He frowned and racked his brain for the cause of the ache in his chest. It wasn’t heartburn, all he’d had to eat was a salad because he remembered Himchan teasing him about it. And it wasn’t tiredness because there was a good chance he could run around the city at least three times after all the alcohol Himchan had poured down his throat. So what was it?
Himchan helped him back to his seat and motioned for the bartender to bring a glass of water. “You’re about at the edge, buddy. Time to come back to earth.” His phone rung and a sickly sappy smile that Yongguk had never seen before crossed his lips. “Hey baby.”
“Who are you calling baby?” Yongguk tried to reach across the table and grab the phone but Himchan had consumed a lot less alcohol than he had and deftly shoved him away.
“No, I’m sorry I wanted to see you tonight but Yongguk’s having a love crisis. His boyfriend drove him to drink and he threw up all over my shoes.” He laughed at something the other person said and turned away so Yongguk couldn’t hear the rest of their conversation.
When he hung up he took one look at Yongguk’s neglected expression and sighed. “And to think I missed out on a night with Zelo just to take care of your sorry ass.”
Ah, that was why he was here in the first place. Now he remembered. It was because Jongup, no Moon, had ripped his heart out and stomped on it with his shiny leather boots.
He wanted to ask why Zelo was calling Himchan’s personal phone but maybe Youngjae encouraged them to do it to lure their regular clients back in. He also wanted to ask where the nearest bathroom was so that he wouldn’t puke down his shirt.
Hindsight.
“I’m looking for a new job starting Monday.” Himchan groaned as he hauled a vomit covered Yongguk out to his car after the bartender kicked them out. “Nothing is worth the stress you put me through.”
“I’ll give you a raise.” Yongguk slurred, hanging off of Himchan’s shoulders.
They made it to Himchan’s car and the frowning boy took one look at it before ordering Yongguk to the backseat. “Hang your head out the window.” He ordered as he turned the air conditioner on to full power. “Maybe the cold air will sober you up. If you mess up my car you better make it a damn good raise.”
---
Yongguk awoke with a whimper and a pain in his forehead that started right behind his eyes and spread down through his nose. Even his jaw ached as he yawned tiredly. The glass of water and two pills on his nightstand disappeared instantly before he dragged himself to his feet.
You’re a pathetic drunk.
He rolled his eyes at Himchan’s neatly scrawled note stuck to the top of his lamp.
And if you try to kiss me again I’ll do a lot more than punch you.
So that was why his jaw hurt. At least Himchan didn’t pack much power behind it because it didn’t even feel swollen.
Call him one more time. You’re depressing when you’re sad.
Yongguk crumpled the paper in his fist and let it bounce off the door. That was impossible. Jongup had changed his number and there was nothing else he could do. He’d already figured that Youngjae wouldn’t even let him in the door again and what would he do if he made it? Holler for Jongup and sweep him out of there like some kind of white knight?
He wasn’t a knight and Jongup obviously didn’t want saving.
It won’t work. Thanks for trying to cheer me up.
Himchan texted back a sad face but Yongguk was already fast asleep again, his phone dropped to the floor beside him.
---
There really was no point in aggressively working out every day anymore. Now that Jongup was gone Yongguk knew he had no one to impress and could slack off. But the adrenaline rush that came from pushing himself lasted long enough to force Jongup out of his thoughts for at least a couple hours a day. It had been twenty-three long days since he had last seen the other boy and those forty-five minutes of exercise was all that got him through the day. As soon as he finished and was showered and clean he knew he would fall asleep immediately and sleep like the dead for the rest of the night.
He always came home exhausted and drenched in sweat, t-shirt usually finding itself on the back of the couch more often than not. Yongguk dropped it down on his way to the bathroom to wash up but was halted by a light knock on the door.
He glanced sadly towards his bathroom and really wished whomever was outside had waited twenty more minutes so that he could clean up and not answer a sweaty, red-faced mess.
Yongguk had to take a few seconds for his brain to comprehend what exactly was standing in his doorway with a determined face and a stuffed bag in his hands.
“Jongup?” Yongguk blinked in confusion at the jeans and faded black t-shirt clad boy in his doorway. “What are you doing here?”
“Did you mean it?” Jongup dropped his duffel to the floor and took a step towards Yongguk. “When you said you wanted me, wanted Jongup?”
Yongguk couldn’t take his eyes off the bedraggled expression and bruised cheekbone Jongup sported. “Who did that?” His blood boiled at the thought of someone laying their hands on Jongup.
“Younjgae.” He didn’t look phased, as if he was used to the treatment. “He didn’t like it when I quit out of the blue.” He reached Yongguk and gripped his shirt tightly. “Tell me if you meant it. I don’t want to stand here and look pathetic if you were just-“
“I love you.” Yongguk’s voice was soft enough to be considered a whisper as he shakily palmed Jongup’s bruised cheek. “Of course I want you, Jonguppie.”
The raw terror in Jongup’s eyes melted away and the bright smile that never failed to punch Yongguk in the gut reappeared. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Yongguk grinned as he jerked Jongup forward and into his arms, attaching his teeth to the soft skin he had been denied of ever since they had met. “Going to mark you all over to prove it. If I’m dreaming at least I’m going to dream happily.”
“Okay.” The breathless voice brushed against Yongguk’s sweaty hair and cold fingers danced up the sensitive skin of Yongguk’s hips. “We can actually go places now.” He let out a moan when a hand curved around his nape and he was pressed flat against the other. “You and me. We could eat breakfast out t-“ Jongup’s voice cut off when Yongguk’s lips shut him up.
Yongguk’s tongue was probing and more demanding than Jongup had ever experienced it, forcing Yongguk to catch the gasps he made when it licked possessively across his mouth.
“What are you doing?” Jongup wrapped his legs around Yongguk to steady himself as he was lifted into the air.
“Bedroom.” The word was muffled against his lips but Jongup understood enough to nod eagerly, squeezing Yongguk’s hips with his thighs. “Haven’t touched you in three weeks. Been going crazy.”
They stumbled into the bedroom with Yongguk barely making it to the bed before dropping Jongup down and tugging eagerly at the knotted drawstring to his sweatpants.
“In a hurry?” The giggle was the best sound Yongguk had heard in weeks. Jongup quickly undid his belt and button, shoving his pants down around his ankles before getting antsy and yanking his hoodie over his head instead.
“Now who’s in a hurry?” Yongguk teased, finding himself on his back with a lapful of wriggly Jongup. Nails scratched across the front of his pants, ignoring the whine he made in the back of his throat for more. “Are you really going to tease me? Right now?”
Jongup grinned against his lips. “You get so cute when you beg though.” His hips slanted downwards, both boys groaning from the friction.
It took all of Yongguk’s strength to push Jongup off his lap. “Close your eyes.” Jongup flinched as a steady hand shoved him backwards. “Do you trust me?”
He nodded and tried to relax, but the steady thrumming of his heart under Yongguk’s lips betrayed his wariness. “Are we trading roles tonight?”
A hum against his thigh was his answer. Yongguk quickly yanked his jeans the rest of the way off and lifted his legs up on the bed, feet placed flat on the sheets.
“Y-Yongguk?”
He shushed the trembling voice after making sure his eyes were still obediently closed. Jongup’s thighs were tight around Yongguk’s head and he had to push them apart with a laugh. “Calm down, Jonguppie.”
Before Jongup realized what was happening he had his waist securely held to the bed with Yongguk’s arm and a tongue flat against his ass. “Fuck! Yongguk!” He screeched as his body tried in vain to jerk violently forward. “What the hell?”
“You’ll like it, be quiet.” Was the only warning Yongguk gave before his tongue gave a slow drag up Jongup’s center.
Jongup forgot to be ashamed by the embarrassingly high cry that left his lips. He tried to reach down and grip into Yongguk’s hair but a pinch to the abdomen and a deep warning growl that vibrated from Yongguk’s mouth and through his entire body stopped him.
This wasn’t the time for Jongup to exert control and he knew it. This was Yongguk releasing almost a year of frustration out at never being able to touch Jongup unless given permission and as much as he enjoyed that, his nails and teeth and body were desperate to make Jongup his right now.
“You wouldn’t let me take over even when we were alone.” The deep voice was muffled by Jongup’s flesh. “Not once could I show you how you make me feel.” The tip of his tongue flicked teasingly inside. Jongup whined, his body clenched so tight from holding his instincts at bay. “How you drive me completely insane until I feel like my body is going to burst from all of it.”
“Yongguk, Yongguk, please.” Having a tongue jammed inside his ass wasn’t something Jongup had ever even considered but now that Yongguk was doing it and seeing how intense being in control made him, he knew he needed Yongguk to keep going or he was going to pass out from the feelings rushing through his body. “Touch me, please, please.”
He refused to listen, letting the tip of his tongue flutter against him until Jongup threw his palm across his lips to hide his whimper. Yongguk lifted his eyes to watch as Jongup’s chest rapidly rose and fell faster and faster until he was a begging, moaning mess under him.
Even if he hadn’t had Jongup in his bed in weeks Yongguk was smart enough to leave the lube and condoms in the nightstand in the hopes they’d need it again one day. He reached over and grabbed it while giving Jongup a break and sucking deep bruises down the sensitive skin of his thighs.
“I missed you so much.” He murmured into the soft dip behind Jongup’s knee as he uncapped the bottle. “I thought you hated me.”
Jongup’s hands tentatively reached down to palm through Yongguk’s hair. “I did.” He admitted, pulling Yongguk back up by the shoulders. “I hated you for making me want out of that club, making me think I could have something better.” He grabbed Yongguk’s wrist and pushed it down between their bodies. “I’ve never done this before.”
Yongguk felt his dick get immeasurably harder at the quiet whisper in his ear. Knowing there was one thing Jongup had left to experience and that it would forever belong to him was almost worth the agonizing wait to get here.
Almost, Yongguk admitted as he slipped the first digit inside of Jongup’s trembling body. But not quite.
“It hurts at first.” He warned the shaking boy, mouthing at his jaw to try and distract him from the initial sting. “Then it hurts a little more. Then it feels like you’re being ripped apart.” Jongup whimpered as the second finger entered and Yongguk started to lightly spread them apart. “But then you’ll feel like your entire body is electric and every touch will ripple across your skin.”
“You make it sound like poetry.” Jongup tried to laugh at Yongguk’s cheesy words but the third and last intrusion came over him and he bucked wildly, body tightening with pain.
Yongguk wanted to see every clench, every flutter, every breath that Jongup made under his touch. No one else had ever seen this side of him and he wanted to remember it for the moments they weren’t together.
“R-Ready.” Jongup stammered, stilling his wrist and squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m ready.”
He pulled his fingers out carefully and grabbed the condom off the nightstand. “Does this mean we can stop using these?” He growled at the tiny foil square as it tried to slide out of his slick grip.
“Let me get tested one last time.” Jongup compromised. “Just to be sure.” He grinned excitedly up at him and once more Yongguk was struck with the blow of how beautiful the real Moon Jongup was. “Then we can toss them.”
“Deal.” Yongguk rubbed against his spread legs, wishing he could erase the grimace on Jongup’s bitten lips. “It gets better. I promise.”
There was a split second of wondering if he should go slow and ease his way inside or just slam forward and get it over with, but Jongup’s nails digging into his arms dug in harder when he tried to quicken the pace.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He murmured, pressing his lips against Jongup’s fluttering pulse. “Just breathe.”
“Shit.” Jongup was frozen in his arms and his face was contorted into one of immense pain. “Yongguk, wh-“ Yongguk slowly started to move inside him and Jongup immediately melted into the bed with a quiet moan.
Yongguk used to know how to bring his partner’s over the edge almost instantly but after almost a year of sleeping with Jongup he was out of practice and he knew it showed in the sloppy stutters from his hips. “I love you.” He dropped his head and let the sensations overtake him. The smell of Jongup’s sweat as they slid slickly against each other. The sound of Jongup’s breaths getting whinier with every pump of his hips. But mostly the way Jongup’s fingers dug into his sides the same way they always used to. Yongguk loved how they fit together no matter what the circumstance and that the pads of Jongup’s fingertips would always meld against his skin perfectly.
He needed more, had to have Jongup at his most vulnerable. “On your belly.” Yongguk ordered, suddenly jerking away from him and flipping him over.
Jongup was shaky as he nodded and did what he was ordered. “Ass up or down?” He turned to grin cheekily over his shoulder, the teasing look dropping from his eyes as Yongguk’s hand made contact with the curve of his bottom.
“Down.” Yongguk pulled him backwards with a stony expression, his eyes glued to the reddening handprint marring Jongup’s tan skin. He gripped Jongup’s shoulder and re-entered him with a hiss, shoving the smaller boy flat onto the bed..
He could hear Jongup whimpering his name into the bed sheets and his body tensed with every thrust but Yongguk could only concentrate on covering every inch of the tiny body below him. Not one inch of Jongup could escape from his touch. His palms slid roughly down the strong arms and locked tightly with Jongup’s fingers as he collapsed. “No more club?” Yongguk panted harshly into his ear. “Ever?”
“No.” Jongup turned his head to the side and his glassy eyes met Yongguk’s. His mouth was open and loud gasps were the only sound in the room that Yongguk could hear. “Never.”
The smile on Yongguk’s lips was all the affirmation Jongup needed that he had done the right thing. That giving up everything was worth it. He whined pitifully and stretched his neck to reach Yongguk and slant his mouth across the wide grin.
“Now fuck me like you mean it.”
His cocky tone zipped through Yongguk’s body like an electric shock and a growl burst from his lips as he used his knees to spread Jongup’s legs further apart. “I should leave you here.” He whispered against Jongup’s sweaty neck. “All night long all by yourself.”
When he slowed his movements Jongup let out a strangled cry, his own hips bucking backwards as Yongguk purposely changed his angle so that he wasn’t hitting right where Jongup needed him.
“So close, so close.” Jongup sobbed. His body tried to roll into the sheets and get friction from the thin cotton below him but Yongguk stilled him with a sharp nip to the shoulder. “Please!”
“Tell me you love me.”
Jongup moaned as Yongguk slammed into him without even giving him a chance to reply. Trembling fists clenched into the pillow above him as he tried his hardest to stop the convulsions from wracking through his body.
“Tell me,” Yongguk bit down on the fleshy lobe of his ear and raised Jongup’s hips higher off the bed making the room fill with his high-pitched wails. “That you love me.”
“I l-“ Jongup broke off as Yongguk’s hand circled his waist and gripped onto him, grip sliding up and down with every movement. “Oh god, I love-“
Yongguk nudged at his head, forcing Jongup to face him again. His pupils were blown and dazed and his pink, puffy lips were parted, waiting for Yongguk to attach himself to them again. “Jonguppie…” The voice was rough and deep against Jongup’s skin and it was the last thing he remembered before all the feeling in his body left him and raced downwards, exploding out of him with a scream that Yongguk couldn’t smother.
He closed his eyes and let everything go, all the worries, all the regret, all the weariness of the last few weeks. Yongguk just let it go and let Jongup be the only thing in his mind and on his skin. His body froze and stuttered as he rocked into a boneless Jongup.
“I missed you.” He murmured against Jongup’s back as he carefully peeled them apart.
Jongup was silent for a few moments as his breathing went from rapid to normal and his body was able to move again. “I couldn’t tell.”
“Don’t be an asshole.”
Laughing, Jongup rolled over and buried his face in Yongguk’s damp neck. “I wanted to come back to you the night you left the club. I hated leaving like that but if Youngjae saw me doing anything but pushing you away he would have done a lot worse to us than just giving me a bruised jaw and ribs.”
Yongguk didn’t know about the ribs. That conversation would have to wait until he was able to say Youngjae’s name without his blood pressure going through the roof and a deep need to murder the man with his bare hands.
“What took you three weeks?”
The silence lasted long enough that Yongguk ducked his head to see if Jongup had fallen asleep.
“I thought you were just saying it.” Jongup admitted. He traced patterns into the slick skin on Yongguk’s chest. “Something people think they’re supposed to do but they don’t really mean it.” He sighed as Yongguk’s lips brushed through his hair. “But then Junhong talked to Himchan and said he kept going on and on about how sad his boss had been and that someone had to be an idiot to break up with a man that was that in love.”
Well, that was embarrassing. Yongguk’s cheeks turned red and he was already mentally taking Himchan’s newly acquired bonus away from him.
Jongup rested his chin on Yongguk’s chest and looked up at him with worry-filled eyes. “Yongguk, I have nowhere else to go now. I lived above the club with the other boys, I have no job, the only things I own are in the bag in your living room.” He chewed on his bottom lip and blinked back the sudden wetness in his eyes. “But I love you and if you tell me everything will be fine then I’ll believe you.”
“Everything is going to be okay.” Yongguk pulled him to his feet and ushered him towards the bathroom. “But first of all, I smell and pretty soon you’re going to smell by association. Let’s shower and then we can go to bed, okay?” He pressed Jongup against the wall and covered his lips with his own again, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “And I love you, too.”
---
Yongguk stared impatiently at the clock and wished the minute hand would click by faster than it had been going for the last twenty minutes he’d been watching it. In four minutes Jongup was supposed to show up and they were going out to celebrate his first day at his new job. He’d already reserved them a table and afterwards there was a movie and drinks waiting for them at their apartment.
He covered his smile with his palm. Saying their apartment would never get old.
Right at fifteen after six on the dot he could hear the elevator in the hall ding so he rushed out to meet him before Himchan got a good look at the newcomer and promptly had a meltdown.
“See you tomorrow, Himchan.” He called, sweeping past his bewildered secretary and shoving Jongup back into the still-open elevator. “Hey baby, how was your day?”
Jongup opened his mouth to respond but his eyes widened before he could say anything and he pointed behind Yongguk. “Oops. I think he recognizes me.”
The door was held open as Himchan stared at the scene in front of him in shock. “Yongguk, that’s Moon.” His lips opened and closed until he had processed the information. “You’re dating Moon? Jongup is Moon?”
With a pained wince Yongguk waved a hand between the two. “Kim Himchan. Moon Jongup. Now can you let the door go? Our reservations are at six-thirty.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Himchan. Zelo has told me a lot about you.”
That got Himchan’s attention away from the image in front of him. “Zelo? My Zelo? He talks about me?”
He tried to step forward into the elevator with them but Yongguk shook his head and pushed him backwards. “Oh no you don’t. You can talk to him about your freaky relationship another time. Right now Jongup and I have plans.”
“But if you got Moon out of there then I can get Zelo out, too. Right?” He looked pleadingly towards Jongup. “Would Zelo come live with me like you live with Yongguk? What’s his real name? How old is he?”
Yongguk sighed and thumbed the button repeatedly until it started to close. “Not now, Himchan. And that kid probably thinks you’re a creepy bastard.”
Jongup wrapped his arms around Yongguk’s waist and laughed. “His name’s Junhong.” He informed Himchan just when the doors were almost shut. “And if you asked him nicely he probably would.”
“You’ve done it now.” The murmur in his ear was as soft as the hand slipping its way up his t-shirt. “He’ll never let it go.”
“It’s alright.” Jongup smiled into the innocent pecks covering his cheeks. “Junhong’s a pretty creepy little bastard himself. They’re perfect for each other.”
Rating: M
Length: 7K
Sequel to The Dark Side of the Moon
“There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it’s all dark.” -Pink Floyd
Yongguk rested his head on his arms and tried to drone his secretary out, but Himchan had been working for him for so long that he knew to just get louder until Yongguk was forced to pay attention.
“And then you have a meeting with your father at six. I would go home and change first.” Himchan eyed the rumpled suit Yongguk had on with disdain. “Also, Jongup called and said he has to work tonight so he won’t be over till at least two.”
“Jongup called?” Yongguk perked up but then the meaning for his call sunk in and he slumped back down. “He wasn’t supposed to work. We were going to rent a movie and sleep in tomorrow.” He pouted down at his desk.
Himchan shrugged. “Sorry boss. He called a couple hours ago but you were in meetings and I just now remembered. He said someone named Junhong called in sick and he had to cover for him.”
The truth behind Himchan’s words made Yongguk snort. “Of course he did. Hey, weren’t you sick last weekend?”
His secretary shuddered at the memory and nodded. “I threw up thirteen times.”
“What a coincidence.” Yongguk told him dryly, knowing exactly how Junhong had been infected. “Just confirm with my father that I’ll be there at six. When you’re done call Youngjae and see if I can get squeezed in tonight, too.”
“With Moon? Weren’t you just there last week?” Himchan looked worried. “Don’t you think it would hurt Jongup’s feelings if he found out you were going to a whore house on a weekly basis? You’ve been dating, what, six months now?”
He smiled and waved Himchan out of his office. What the other didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him and Jongup’s identity was for sure something that Himchan didn’t need to know.
Clear your schedule. I’m buying you for the night.
Yongguk sent Jongup a quick text on his phone and turned his attention back to his work. His father would be furious if he was late to the meeting and Yongguk had a lot to get done so he could get the dinner over with and head straight to Youngjae’s club.
If the owner thought it strange that Yongguk visited every weekend and paid twice what Jongup’s going rate was just to get him then he didn’t let on. Maybe a lot of people grew obsessed with their companions and wouldn’t see anyone else. Lord knows Himchan had an unhealthy attachment to Zelo. The last time Himchan had visited the club he had come to work the next day limping and sore and red with embarrassment when Yongguk asked what was wrong.
“We tried to change things up.” Himchan pulled his sweater off and shoved it under his ass before gingerly lowering himself. “Zelo said to go big or go home. Going big was a mistake, Guk.”
“Hello Yongguk.” Youngjae flipped his hair out of his face and welcomed him into his office. “We weren’t expecting you tonight.”
Yongguk sat down in the seat in front of the desk and tried to relax. Ever since he and Jongup had started secretly seeing each other on the side he had been nervous around Youngjae, always worried the man could see what was happening behind his back. This wasn’t a normal relationship with your customer. This was a situation that Yongguk could tell terrified Jongup.
“I wanted to see Moon if he was available.”
Youngjae watched him for a moment, eyes blank as always. It was a game to figure out what was happening behind that dead gaze. “What a coincidence that Moon was called in on his night off.” He leaned forward on his elbows and smiled shrewdly. “Isn’t that a coincidence, Yongguk?”
He knew right then that Youngjae wasn’t as blind as they had hoped he was. Of course he would know what went on with his employees. In this business you would be a fool not to and Yongguk should have realized that.
“I suppose it is.” Yongguk tried to make his voice casual and crossed his legs to give off the impression he was at ease. “But if he’s busy I can see someone else.”
Lies. He would fake a business call and leave but Youngjae didn’t need to know that.
“He actually emptied his schedule right before you showed up. Gave his client to Daehyun.” Youngjae narrowed his eyes and nodded. “Funny.” He stood up and motioned for Yongguk to follow him to his regular room. No matter how many times Yongguk came to the club he always ordered the same package because it didn’t matter to him what scene they were acting out. As long as it was Jongup he didn’t care what they did. “And Yongguk?” Youngjae stopped him at the door, a hand on his chest. “It’d be a shame if I had to impress on Moon my rules again. Don’t you think?”
The door slammed behind him and Youngjae saw the small red dot on the camera blink on letting him know they were watching. Security never watched their nights together. Jongup had told him they only bother when it’s with a client who was known to get out of hand.
This wasn’t good.
“Hey.” Jongup poked his head inside and smiled when he saw Yongguk. “I was wondering when you w-“ Yongguk quickly nodded his head towards the corner where the camera was. “Oh.” Jongup’s lips made a circle and shock was evident on his face. “That’s new.” He swiftly put his business expression on and cocked his head to the side in amusement. “Let’s get to work then, shall we?” His gloved finger swept across Yongguk’s jaw before grabbing it and squeezing. “Don’t forget to call me Moon.” Jongup breathed quietly against his lips before melding them together.
Yongguk fought back the urge to look at the camera. It was distracting knowing Youngjae was probably studying them right this very moment just waiting for them to fuck up and give their relationship away.
“You’re not paying attention.” He let out a hiss when Jongup slapped sharply across his thigh. “On your knees.”
The floor was cold through his thin suit pants, but not near as cold as the look Jongup was giving him. “It’s not the same.” Yongguk whispered, lowering his head so that the camera couldn’t see his lips moving.
“What difference does it make? You’re still going to get fucked either way.”
Yongguk winced at the casual statement. “I don’t want to sleep with Moon.”
“Stop.” The in-charge tone that didn’t even sound like Jongup was gone and replaced with a voice verging on breaking.
He kept his eyes on the floor, just in case Youngjae was watching. “I want the Jongup that steals the blanket every night and wakes up at six in the morning to go jogging. The Jongup that refuses to bring a toothbrush to my apartment but somehow managed to replace my mint toothpaste with strawberry.” There was a soft sob above him but Yongguk continued before he lost his nerve and couldn’t go on. “I want the Jongup that says he hates chocolate but always eats it when I buy some and never even realized that I only bought it for him.”
“Yongguk stop.”
He finally dared to look up, his hands trailing slowly up Jongup’s leather-covered legs. “Come home with me, Jonguppie.”
Jongup’s eyes were wet and Yongguk felt a sudden moment of panic because he’d never seen Jongup with anything but a smile on his face. “I don’t want to keep doing this, Yongguk. This isn’t fair and I hate it.” Yongguk reached for him but Jongup took a step back and shook his head. “The camera’s on.” They both knew that Yongguk couldn’t initiate anything or the guards would be inside in a moment. Yongguk’s sessions were only to be used for submission and Youngjae had very clear rules on not changing the theme.
He also had rules on not becoming involved outside of work with the customers but that rule had obviously flown out the window between the two.
“Jongup don’t-”
“Your session is up.” The wanting look that had been on Jongup’s face was replaced with his work stare. The Moon expression. The one that used to thicken Yongguk’s arousal, but now did nothing for him because he knew the real person behind the job. He knew Jongup. Knew that when he bit his lip that it meant he was seconds away from orgasm, that his eyelashes would flutter whenever Yongguk would carefully scrape his teeth across his pulse, knew that he loved to fuck in the shower because he said it was the only place he felt clean enough to deserve to touch Yongguk and be called Jongup.
Yongguk didn’t know what had changed, what he’d done wrong. Jongup was staring at him as if he was a stranger, as if he was nothing more than a customer.
And it fucking broke him.
He tried reaching for him again and managed to barely touch the stiff leather of his vest before Jongup was moving away and out of his reach in every possible way.
“I don’t think you should request me anymore.” Jongup’s voice was cold and Yongguk didn’t recognize it. “Tomorrow I’ll tell Youngjae that he’s to no longer place you with me.”
“Jonguppie, please!”
Jongup flinched but his two years in the job had taught him excellent acting skills. “My name is Moon behind these doors. This is my job, Yongguk. This is me making more money in a month than I would make in a year at a normal job. I’m not giving that up for…” This time it took him longer to compose himself and Yongguk had a moment of hope that Jongup would give up and step towards him and into his arms. “I’m not risking my job for the spoiled son of a drug dealer that gets off on ruining people’s lives.”
The words stung Yongguk making his head snap back in surprise. The venom in Jongup’s tone hurt him more than the words did. Jongup had never spoken to him in true anger and Yongguk wasn’t sure why he was starting now.
“What did I do?” He hung his head in defeat because he had learned about Moon Jongup over the last year of paying for his services and then finally convincing him to meet for a date was that the younger boy made up his mind and stuck with it. Yongguk knew there was nothing he could say to change Jongup’s mind that what he was doing was wrong. “Just tell me what I did and I can fix it, Jongup.”
“What exactly do you think is going to happen between us?” Jongup ran his fingers through his hair, a move that Yongguk knew he made when he was flustered. “That we were going to be a happy couple and that I would come to work and fuck other people and crawl into your bed when I was done? Is that what you want, Yongguk? You want your sheets smelling like sex and someone else’s cologne?”
He had always tried to push the thought of Jongup being with other people out of his head but now the image was seared into his retina’s and he growled at the callous words.
“I’ve fucked eight people in the last three days.” Jongup’s lips curled up, but his fists remained clenched by his side. “Two women and six men. Not counting you, of course. Do you want to know what they got off on?”
“No.”
Jongup continued as if he didn’t hear and Yongguk knew he had heard his whisper perfectly well. He was trying to hurt him and it was working but Yongguk didn’t know why he was doing this to him.
“The first man wanted me to bend him over a desk and whip him until he cried. The second asked for straight fucking because he only had thirty minutes before he had to be home for dinner. The next was a woman and she wanted me to strip slowly for her so that she could touch herself and by the time I was down to my boxers she had already came twice. The third was a fifteen year old boy that wanted to call me daddy while I fucked-“
“Stop.” Yongguk felt sick because with every word that fell from Jongup’s uncaring lips a piece of his heart crumbled and turned to dust inside his chest. “No more.”
“Don’t you see?” This time Jongup’s voice was soft but it still wasn’t the tone that Yongguk knew by heart. The one that Jongup used to tell him good night, soft and breathy against his neck while Yongguk held him closely. “You’re nothing to me, Yongguk. You’re just another job.” Jongup took a steadying breath and the last sweet and gentle part of him that Yongguk could see was closed off. “And I’m just a whore.”
He walked past, his shoulder bumping into Yongguk’s as he left and Yongguk couldn’t move, just watched the person he thought he knew walk away from him.
---
Yongguk tried for days afterwards to call Jongup’s cellphone but it went straight to voicemail until the fourth day when a recording apologized but told him that this number was no longer in service.
The phone was thrown angrily against his wall, Himchan rushing in to make sure he was okay. “What was the thump for?”
“Just pissed.” Yongguk dragged his palms across his tired eyes and growled under his breath. “Got into a fight with Jongup.”
“Ah.” Himchan perched comfortable on the edge of his desk. “Want to talk about it?”
He didn’t. Not really. But a part of him wondered how much he could tell Himchan to gauge his opinion without revealing Jongup’s secrets.
“What would you do if you didn’t like the person you were dating’s job? I don’t mean like some silly job that embarrasses you, I mean the kind of job you couldn’t tell anyone about, that could destroy relationships.”
Himchan frowned in thought. “I don’t get it.”
Yongguk sighed as he sat back in his seat. Of course Himchan didn’t understand. Hell, he didn’t even understand what was going on. “Jongup can’t keep his job and me at the same time. It’s one or the other. He knows it, I know it.”
His secretary (okay and maybe his best friend if he was being honest with himself) patted his head as if he was a small child. “I wouldn’t worry about it, boss. That boy blows your phone up every day. It’ll all work out.”
“He already chose his job.”
Himchan’s lips parted in surprise, his hand falling down limply beside him. “Oh.”
It was obvious he didn’t know what to say and Yongguk wasn’t in the business of making awkward small talk to he quickly changed the subject to the board meeting later that afternoon and Himchan enthusiastically followed his lead.
They didn’t speak about their personal life for the rest of the day but Yongguk could see Himchan shooting him pity glances every now and then. He didn’t want Himchan’s pity. If his secretary knew the truth behind what happened between Jongup and him he would think Yongguk was crazy. It was insane to fall for an escort and expect everything to turn out perfectly.
He eyed the cell phone on his desk and willed it to ring.
He missed Jongup.
---
Himchan tried to convince him to visit the club that weekend. He probably thought he was doing Yongguk a favor by trying to take his mind off of his troubles, but the club was the very last place Yongguk wanted to be. There was no way he could see Jongup as a customer again and he was pretty sure Youngjae probably knew everything by now. Their last big blow-up was recorded and Yongguk winced later that night when he realized he had used Jongup’s real name in his begging.
“There’s a few other boys there that I’m sure are just as good as Moon.” Himchan cocked his head to the side and thought for a moment after Yongguk refused to book his regular appointment. “Zelo’s mentioned a Daehyun before. Said he’s super tiny and willing to do anything. Why can’t you call Moon anymore?”
“Because.” Yongguk rubbed his eyes and wished Himchan would give up and go do whatever the hell it was that he did every weekend with Zelo. For some reason Himchan had latched onto the younger boy and refused to see anyone else, but Yongguk didn’t think it had reached the same levels of his obsession with Jongup yet. “I’m fine, Himchan. Go on and leave. I just need to finish some emails and then I’m going home.”
Himchan frowned, no doubt wondering what else he could do to get him out of this slump. But Yongguk didn’t want distractions, he just wanted Jongup’s fingertips thumbing into his hips and his lips pressing into Yongguk’s collarbones as they fell asleep.
“Let’s go have supper together.” Himchan smiled brightly as he turned Yongguk’s computer off and rolled his chair away from the desk. “I can always visit Zelo tomorrow night.”
He wouldn’t take no for an answer, shooing Yongguk’s complaints away with a wave of his hand. “Why would you want to entertain me when you could be with Zelo?”
“Because you’re a little bit pathetic.” Himchan shrugged, not feeling remorse for his blunt words. “And it makes me cringe to look at you pining over this boy. I don’t know why you won’t just go to Youngjae’s club and let Moon fuck it out of your system.” He threw Yongguk’s jacket at him as they left the office together. “You must have it pretty bad if the promise of a good round of sex can’t even cheer you up.”
That was precisely the problem, Yongguk grumbled to himself as he followed Himchan towards the elevator. That would cheer him up. But only if Jongup was looking at him like he was Yongguk and not just some faceless customer.
The only thing Himchan was good for was a good time, Yongguk told himself three hours later as he stared mystified at the ceiling of the bar over his head. At some point he had fallen off the seat and ended up here in the floor and he couldn’t for the life of him remember how to get back up.
“Are you having fun yet?” Himchan popped his face into Yongguk’s field of vision and grinned. “You’ve been smiling for about ten minutes now.”
“I don’t even remember why I was upset.” He frowned and racked his brain for the cause of the ache in his chest. It wasn’t heartburn, all he’d had to eat was a salad because he remembered Himchan teasing him about it. And it wasn’t tiredness because there was a good chance he could run around the city at least three times after all the alcohol Himchan had poured down his throat. So what was it?
Himchan helped him back to his seat and motioned for the bartender to bring a glass of water. “You’re about at the edge, buddy. Time to come back to earth.” His phone rung and a sickly sappy smile that Yongguk had never seen before crossed his lips. “Hey baby.”
“Who are you calling baby?” Yongguk tried to reach across the table and grab the phone but Himchan had consumed a lot less alcohol than he had and deftly shoved him away.
“No, I’m sorry I wanted to see you tonight but Yongguk’s having a love crisis. His boyfriend drove him to drink and he threw up all over my shoes.” He laughed at something the other person said and turned away so Yongguk couldn’t hear the rest of their conversation.
When he hung up he took one look at Yongguk’s neglected expression and sighed. “And to think I missed out on a night with Zelo just to take care of your sorry ass.”
Ah, that was why he was here in the first place. Now he remembered. It was because Jongup, no Moon, had ripped his heart out and stomped on it with his shiny leather boots.
He wanted to ask why Zelo was calling Himchan’s personal phone but maybe Youngjae encouraged them to do it to lure their regular clients back in. He also wanted to ask where the nearest bathroom was so that he wouldn’t puke down his shirt.
Hindsight.
“I’m looking for a new job starting Monday.” Himchan groaned as he hauled a vomit covered Yongguk out to his car after the bartender kicked them out. “Nothing is worth the stress you put me through.”
“I’ll give you a raise.” Yongguk slurred, hanging off of Himchan’s shoulders.
They made it to Himchan’s car and the frowning boy took one look at it before ordering Yongguk to the backseat. “Hang your head out the window.” He ordered as he turned the air conditioner on to full power. “Maybe the cold air will sober you up. If you mess up my car you better make it a damn good raise.”
---
Yongguk awoke with a whimper and a pain in his forehead that started right behind his eyes and spread down through his nose. Even his jaw ached as he yawned tiredly. The glass of water and two pills on his nightstand disappeared instantly before he dragged himself to his feet.
You’re a pathetic drunk.
He rolled his eyes at Himchan’s neatly scrawled note stuck to the top of his lamp.
And if you try to kiss me again I’ll do a lot more than punch you.
So that was why his jaw hurt. At least Himchan didn’t pack much power behind it because it didn’t even feel swollen.
Call him one more time. You’re depressing when you’re sad.
Yongguk crumpled the paper in his fist and let it bounce off the door. That was impossible. Jongup had changed his number and there was nothing else he could do. He’d already figured that Youngjae wouldn’t even let him in the door again and what would he do if he made it? Holler for Jongup and sweep him out of there like some kind of white knight?
He wasn’t a knight and Jongup obviously didn’t want saving.
It won’t work. Thanks for trying to cheer me up.
Himchan texted back a sad face but Yongguk was already fast asleep again, his phone dropped to the floor beside him.
---
There really was no point in aggressively working out every day anymore. Now that Jongup was gone Yongguk knew he had no one to impress and could slack off. But the adrenaline rush that came from pushing himself lasted long enough to force Jongup out of his thoughts for at least a couple hours a day. It had been twenty-three long days since he had last seen the other boy and those forty-five minutes of exercise was all that got him through the day. As soon as he finished and was showered and clean he knew he would fall asleep immediately and sleep like the dead for the rest of the night.
He always came home exhausted and drenched in sweat, t-shirt usually finding itself on the back of the couch more often than not. Yongguk dropped it down on his way to the bathroom to wash up but was halted by a light knock on the door.
He glanced sadly towards his bathroom and really wished whomever was outside had waited twenty more minutes so that he could clean up and not answer a sweaty, red-faced mess.
Yongguk had to take a few seconds for his brain to comprehend what exactly was standing in his doorway with a determined face and a stuffed bag in his hands.
“Jongup?” Yongguk blinked in confusion at the jeans and faded black t-shirt clad boy in his doorway. “What are you doing here?”
“Did you mean it?” Jongup dropped his duffel to the floor and took a step towards Yongguk. “When you said you wanted me, wanted Jongup?”
Yongguk couldn’t take his eyes off the bedraggled expression and bruised cheekbone Jongup sported. “Who did that?” His blood boiled at the thought of someone laying their hands on Jongup.
“Younjgae.” He didn’t look phased, as if he was used to the treatment. “He didn’t like it when I quit out of the blue.” He reached Yongguk and gripped his shirt tightly. “Tell me if you meant it. I don’t want to stand here and look pathetic if you were just-“
“I love you.” Yongguk’s voice was soft enough to be considered a whisper as he shakily palmed Jongup’s bruised cheek. “Of course I want you, Jonguppie.”
The raw terror in Jongup’s eyes melted away and the bright smile that never failed to punch Yongguk in the gut reappeared. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Yongguk grinned as he jerked Jongup forward and into his arms, attaching his teeth to the soft skin he had been denied of ever since they had met. “Going to mark you all over to prove it. If I’m dreaming at least I’m going to dream happily.”
“Okay.” The breathless voice brushed against Yongguk’s sweaty hair and cold fingers danced up the sensitive skin of Yongguk’s hips. “We can actually go places now.” He let out a moan when a hand curved around his nape and he was pressed flat against the other. “You and me. We could eat breakfast out t-“ Jongup’s voice cut off when Yongguk’s lips shut him up.
Yongguk’s tongue was probing and more demanding than Jongup had ever experienced it, forcing Yongguk to catch the gasps he made when it licked possessively across his mouth.
“What are you doing?” Jongup wrapped his legs around Yongguk to steady himself as he was lifted into the air.
“Bedroom.” The word was muffled against his lips but Jongup understood enough to nod eagerly, squeezing Yongguk’s hips with his thighs. “Haven’t touched you in three weeks. Been going crazy.”
They stumbled into the bedroom with Yongguk barely making it to the bed before dropping Jongup down and tugging eagerly at the knotted drawstring to his sweatpants.
“In a hurry?” The giggle was the best sound Yongguk had heard in weeks. Jongup quickly undid his belt and button, shoving his pants down around his ankles before getting antsy and yanking his hoodie over his head instead.
“Now who’s in a hurry?” Yongguk teased, finding himself on his back with a lapful of wriggly Jongup. Nails scratched across the front of his pants, ignoring the whine he made in the back of his throat for more. “Are you really going to tease me? Right now?”
Jongup grinned against his lips. “You get so cute when you beg though.” His hips slanted downwards, both boys groaning from the friction.
It took all of Yongguk’s strength to push Jongup off his lap. “Close your eyes.” Jongup flinched as a steady hand shoved him backwards. “Do you trust me?”
He nodded and tried to relax, but the steady thrumming of his heart under Yongguk’s lips betrayed his wariness. “Are we trading roles tonight?”
A hum against his thigh was his answer. Yongguk quickly yanked his jeans the rest of the way off and lifted his legs up on the bed, feet placed flat on the sheets.
“Y-Yongguk?”
He shushed the trembling voice after making sure his eyes were still obediently closed. Jongup’s thighs were tight around Yongguk’s head and he had to push them apart with a laugh. “Calm down, Jonguppie.”
Before Jongup realized what was happening he had his waist securely held to the bed with Yongguk’s arm and a tongue flat against his ass. “Fuck! Yongguk!” He screeched as his body tried in vain to jerk violently forward. “What the hell?”
“You’ll like it, be quiet.” Was the only warning Yongguk gave before his tongue gave a slow drag up Jongup’s center.
Jongup forgot to be ashamed by the embarrassingly high cry that left his lips. He tried to reach down and grip into Yongguk’s hair but a pinch to the abdomen and a deep warning growl that vibrated from Yongguk’s mouth and through his entire body stopped him.
This wasn’t the time for Jongup to exert control and he knew it. This was Yongguk releasing almost a year of frustration out at never being able to touch Jongup unless given permission and as much as he enjoyed that, his nails and teeth and body were desperate to make Jongup his right now.
“You wouldn’t let me take over even when we were alone.” The deep voice was muffled by Jongup’s flesh. “Not once could I show you how you make me feel.” The tip of his tongue flicked teasingly inside. Jongup whined, his body clenched so tight from holding his instincts at bay. “How you drive me completely insane until I feel like my body is going to burst from all of it.”
“Yongguk, Yongguk, please.” Having a tongue jammed inside his ass wasn’t something Jongup had ever even considered but now that Yongguk was doing it and seeing how intense being in control made him, he knew he needed Yongguk to keep going or he was going to pass out from the feelings rushing through his body. “Touch me, please, please.”
He refused to listen, letting the tip of his tongue flutter against him until Jongup threw his palm across his lips to hide his whimper. Yongguk lifted his eyes to watch as Jongup’s chest rapidly rose and fell faster and faster until he was a begging, moaning mess under him.
Even if he hadn’t had Jongup in his bed in weeks Yongguk was smart enough to leave the lube and condoms in the nightstand in the hopes they’d need it again one day. He reached over and grabbed it while giving Jongup a break and sucking deep bruises down the sensitive skin of his thighs.
“I missed you so much.” He murmured into the soft dip behind Jongup’s knee as he uncapped the bottle. “I thought you hated me.”
Jongup’s hands tentatively reached down to palm through Yongguk’s hair. “I did.” He admitted, pulling Yongguk back up by the shoulders. “I hated you for making me want out of that club, making me think I could have something better.” He grabbed Yongguk’s wrist and pushed it down between their bodies. “I’ve never done this before.”
Yongguk felt his dick get immeasurably harder at the quiet whisper in his ear. Knowing there was one thing Jongup had left to experience and that it would forever belong to him was almost worth the agonizing wait to get here.
Almost, Yongguk admitted as he slipped the first digit inside of Jongup’s trembling body. But not quite.
“It hurts at first.” He warned the shaking boy, mouthing at his jaw to try and distract him from the initial sting. “Then it hurts a little more. Then it feels like you’re being ripped apart.” Jongup whimpered as the second finger entered and Yongguk started to lightly spread them apart. “But then you’ll feel like your entire body is electric and every touch will ripple across your skin.”
“You make it sound like poetry.” Jongup tried to laugh at Yongguk’s cheesy words but the third and last intrusion came over him and he bucked wildly, body tightening with pain.
Yongguk wanted to see every clench, every flutter, every breath that Jongup made under his touch. No one else had ever seen this side of him and he wanted to remember it for the moments they weren’t together.
“R-Ready.” Jongup stammered, stilling his wrist and squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m ready.”
He pulled his fingers out carefully and grabbed the condom off the nightstand. “Does this mean we can stop using these?” He growled at the tiny foil square as it tried to slide out of his slick grip.
“Let me get tested one last time.” Jongup compromised. “Just to be sure.” He grinned excitedly up at him and once more Yongguk was struck with the blow of how beautiful the real Moon Jongup was. “Then we can toss them.”
“Deal.” Yongguk rubbed against his spread legs, wishing he could erase the grimace on Jongup’s bitten lips. “It gets better. I promise.”
There was a split second of wondering if he should go slow and ease his way inside or just slam forward and get it over with, but Jongup’s nails digging into his arms dug in harder when he tried to quicken the pace.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He murmured, pressing his lips against Jongup’s fluttering pulse. “Just breathe.”
“Shit.” Jongup was frozen in his arms and his face was contorted into one of immense pain. “Yongguk, wh-“ Yongguk slowly started to move inside him and Jongup immediately melted into the bed with a quiet moan.
Yongguk used to know how to bring his partner’s over the edge almost instantly but after almost a year of sleeping with Jongup he was out of practice and he knew it showed in the sloppy stutters from his hips. “I love you.” He dropped his head and let the sensations overtake him. The smell of Jongup’s sweat as they slid slickly against each other. The sound of Jongup’s breaths getting whinier with every pump of his hips. But mostly the way Jongup’s fingers dug into his sides the same way they always used to. Yongguk loved how they fit together no matter what the circumstance and that the pads of Jongup’s fingertips would always meld against his skin perfectly.
He needed more, had to have Jongup at his most vulnerable. “On your belly.” Yongguk ordered, suddenly jerking away from him and flipping him over.
Jongup was shaky as he nodded and did what he was ordered. “Ass up or down?” He turned to grin cheekily over his shoulder, the teasing look dropping from his eyes as Yongguk’s hand made contact with the curve of his bottom.
“Down.” Yongguk pulled him backwards with a stony expression, his eyes glued to the reddening handprint marring Jongup’s tan skin. He gripped Jongup’s shoulder and re-entered him with a hiss, shoving the smaller boy flat onto the bed..
He could hear Jongup whimpering his name into the bed sheets and his body tensed with every thrust but Yongguk could only concentrate on covering every inch of the tiny body below him. Not one inch of Jongup could escape from his touch. His palms slid roughly down the strong arms and locked tightly with Jongup’s fingers as he collapsed. “No more club?” Yongguk panted harshly into his ear. “Ever?”
“No.” Jongup turned his head to the side and his glassy eyes met Yongguk’s. His mouth was open and loud gasps were the only sound in the room that Yongguk could hear. “Never.”
The smile on Yongguk’s lips was all the affirmation Jongup needed that he had done the right thing. That giving up everything was worth it. He whined pitifully and stretched his neck to reach Yongguk and slant his mouth across the wide grin.
“Now fuck me like you mean it.”
His cocky tone zipped through Yongguk’s body like an electric shock and a growl burst from his lips as he used his knees to spread Jongup’s legs further apart. “I should leave you here.” He whispered against Jongup’s sweaty neck. “All night long all by yourself.”
When he slowed his movements Jongup let out a strangled cry, his own hips bucking backwards as Yongguk purposely changed his angle so that he wasn’t hitting right where Jongup needed him.
“So close, so close.” Jongup sobbed. His body tried to roll into the sheets and get friction from the thin cotton below him but Yongguk stilled him with a sharp nip to the shoulder. “Please!”
“Tell me you love me.”
Jongup moaned as Yongguk slammed into him without even giving him a chance to reply. Trembling fists clenched into the pillow above him as he tried his hardest to stop the convulsions from wracking through his body.
“Tell me,” Yongguk bit down on the fleshy lobe of his ear and raised Jongup’s hips higher off the bed making the room fill with his high-pitched wails. “That you love me.”
“I l-“ Jongup broke off as Yongguk’s hand circled his waist and gripped onto him, grip sliding up and down with every movement. “Oh god, I love-“
Yongguk nudged at his head, forcing Jongup to face him again. His pupils were blown and dazed and his pink, puffy lips were parted, waiting for Yongguk to attach himself to them again. “Jonguppie…” The voice was rough and deep against Jongup’s skin and it was the last thing he remembered before all the feeling in his body left him and raced downwards, exploding out of him with a scream that Yongguk couldn’t smother.
He closed his eyes and let everything go, all the worries, all the regret, all the weariness of the last few weeks. Yongguk just let it go and let Jongup be the only thing in his mind and on his skin. His body froze and stuttered as he rocked into a boneless Jongup.
“I missed you.” He murmured against Jongup’s back as he carefully peeled them apart.
Jongup was silent for a few moments as his breathing went from rapid to normal and his body was able to move again. “I couldn’t tell.”
“Don’t be an asshole.”
Laughing, Jongup rolled over and buried his face in Yongguk’s damp neck. “I wanted to come back to you the night you left the club. I hated leaving like that but if Youngjae saw me doing anything but pushing you away he would have done a lot worse to us than just giving me a bruised jaw and ribs.”
Yongguk didn’t know about the ribs. That conversation would have to wait until he was able to say Youngjae’s name without his blood pressure going through the roof and a deep need to murder the man with his bare hands.
“What took you three weeks?”
The silence lasted long enough that Yongguk ducked his head to see if Jongup had fallen asleep.
“I thought you were just saying it.” Jongup admitted. He traced patterns into the slick skin on Yongguk’s chest. “Something people think they’re supposed to do but they don’t really mean it.” He sighed as Yongguk’s lips brushed through his hair. “But then Junhong talked to Himchan and said he kept going on and on about how sad his boss had been and that someone had to be an idiot to break up with a man that was that in love.”
Well, that was embarrassing. Yongguk’s cheeks turned red and he was already mentally taking Himchan’s newly acquired bonus away from him.
Jongup rested his chin on Yongguk’s chest and looked up at him with worry-filled eyes. “Yongguk, I have nowhere else to go now. I lived above the club with the other boys, I have no job, the only things I own are in the bag in your living room.” He chewed on his bottom lip and blinked back the sudden wetness in his eyes. “But I love you and if you tell me everything will be fine then I’ll believe you.”
“Everything is going to be okay.” Yongguk pulled him to his feet and ushered him towards the bathroom. “But first of all, I smell and pretty soon you’re going to smell by association. Let’s shower and then we can go to bed, okay?” He pressed Jongup against the wall and covered his lips with his own again, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “And I love you, too.”
---
Yongguk stared impatiently at the clock and wished the minute hand would click by faster than it had been going for the last twenty minutes he’d been watching it. In four minutes Jongup was supposed to show up and they were going out to celebrate his first day at his new job. He’d already reserved them a table and afterwards there was a movie and drinks waiting for them at their apartment.
He covered his smile with his palm. Saying their apartment would never get old.
Right at fifteen after six on the dot he could hear the elevator in the hall ding so he rushed out to meet him before Himchan got a good look at the newcomer and promptly had a meltdown.
“See you tomorrow, Himchan.” He called, sweeping past his bewildered secretary and shoving Jongup back into the still-open elevator. “Hey baby, how was your day?”
Jongup opened his mouth to respond but his eyes widened before he could say anything and he pointed behind Yongguk. “Oops. I think he recognizes me.”
The door was held open as Himchan stared at the scene in front of him in shock. “Yongguk, that’s Moon.” His lips opened and closed until he had processed the information. “You’re dating Moon? Jongup is Moon?”
With a pained wince Yongguk waved a hand between the two. “Kim Himchan. Moon Jongup. Now can you let the door go? Our reservations are at six-thirty.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Himchan. Zelo has told me a lot about you.”
That got Himchan’s attention away from the image in front of him. “Zelo? My Zelo? He talks about me?”
He tried to step forward into the elevator with them but Yongguk shook his head and pushed him backwards. “Oh no you don’t. You can talk to him about your freaky relationship another time. Right now Jongup and I have plans.”
“But if you got Moon out of there then I can get Zelo out, too. Right?” He looked pleadingly towards Jongup. “Would Zelo come live with me like you live with Yongguk? What’s his real name? How old is he?”
Yongguk sighed and thumbed the button repeatedly until it started to close. “Not now, Himchan. And that kid probably thinks you’re a creepy bastard.”
Jongup wrapped his arms around Yongguk’s waist and laughed. “His name’s Junhong.” He informed Himchan just when the doors were almost shut. “And if you asked him nicely he probably would.”
“You’ve done it now.” The murmur in his ear was as soft as the hand slipping its way up his t-shirt. “He’ll never let it go.”
“It’s alright.” Jongup smiled into the innocent pecks covering his cheeks. “Junhong’s a pretty creepy little bastard himself. They’re perfect for each other.”